Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML
Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. I moved in a couple of bags and realized I really needed to poop. It’s been 10 minutes since I realized I hadn’t brought the toilet paper in yet. No one to bring me any. FML
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Top comments
duckie227 22
Buy a roll for yourself and keep it in your room
taytoc 10
Put laxatives in their drinks. It'll force them to buy toilet paper or else.
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Comments (185)
duckie227 22
Buy a roll for yourself and keep it in your room
kateRAWR 4
Thats what i thought :)
ICastillo 25
Or OP start using your parents socks and when they ask you about it, just be like there is no toilet paper so I need something to wipe.
gojira666 7
Well OP time to grow up and buy your own shit tickets
XtraEzeee 8
What good is toilet paper when it's in your room?
TarieBoo 2
95-.....common sense would be to bring the toilet paper from your room to the bathroom when you go.....
QueenQuay77 10
That's what happen on an episode of George Lopez lol, if anybody watch that
Frijolero_92 1
It's gonna suck when you learn how to drive op
ZX6Rninja 0
127 Nope nobody watches it
TwiztedYuri 9
once you hit puberty you'll find out real quick
MidnaLink 35
142 I watch George Lopez that show is hilarious
RocketNinjaFish 12
if you are within walking distance to the shop, you should just take one of their wallets and buy more yourself. no reason for you to suffer because they are too lazy to go.
SkoomaKi 28
To the forest!
SuperDerp 8
Or if your still in school, take some from a stall. It's cheeky, but it'll get you through this fight your parents are having.
Queen_Cosmos 7
Let's hope the forest isn't filled with Mosquitos or the OP will be itching his butt for days.
MrFuzzles 5
Make sure to use the big green leaves, the brown ones sting.
cardonaj70 3
Leaves school with pockets filled with toilet paper
IIFenix 3
Just do yourself a favor when your in the forest....stay away from the poison ivy.
boschwachter 7
A nice smooth rock does the trick too
laden_swallow09 35
No, it doesn- Ohhhh, I see what you did, thar
JocelynKaulitz 28
Leaves…natures toilet paper :D
Queen_Cosmos 7
I'm surprised no one has corrected me yet, but I meant "OP will be 'scratching' his butt for days", Sorry about that.
ShuckFit 4
just be like those middle Easterns and use your "dirty" hand. it can be washed and you save paper. talk about a win win.
Il_Maestro 6
I wouldn't consider wiping my hand in my own feces a "win."
phippsy95 2
Erm just a bit of inappropriate racism?
zombicidal 11
from your comment and your profile you sound like a huge D-bag
hecallsmedarlin 7
******* gross.
taytoc 10
So shuckfit you post "4:20 alllll day" on your profile? You must smoke marijuana sooo much.
ManInTheMachine 20
Damn Noor, you did my job for me! And a hell of a good job too. Well done. Very well done indeed.
LolFMLnot 10
You lack intelligence and you have an illness called ignorance that can never be healed. Middle Eastern people use toilet paper and wash their hands -_____-
brown4lifejot 1
Dude middle easterns are not dirty. Most freak out if someone lets a dog in the house (: personal experiences
c8750 2
I agree with all above commenters however I believe #3 is referring to a joke in the movie outsourced
Pallywhack 4
Noor - There are many areas in the middle east where using one's dirty hand is still the primary method of cleaning oneself.
br0ccoli 15
79- this is true. That is why, in some cultures, it is offensive to offer your left hand in a handshake because that hand is considered the "dirty" hand used to wipe themselves. People don't realize that there are millions of people who would consider indoor plumbing and toilet paper a luxury. Yes, toilet paper is considered a luxury in some parts of the world. I get where 3 was coming from but his delivery is horrible.
ManInTheMachine 20
74-I've seen Outsourced aswell. And it takes place in America and then in India, which is in Asia, not the Middle East. Therefore your argument is invalid. Good movie, though.
RadikulRam 16
#3's profile "^WoodGang^ > 4:20 allll day " Plus a picture taken in a bathroom showing off his Dr Dre beat headphones, haircut and a smug smile. Ohhh this boys gonna get raped.
MrSassypants 34
I got a lot on my mind, and see shit like ShuckFit's comments to deal with daily. So don't come on here to play devils advocate, it makes you look stupid. ShuckFit, take your sweet ass time to come up with a witty response. We'll be waiting. ^FMLgangLULZ!!!^ > The time changes allll day.
IIFenix 3
I think he needs to go to another part of the world and see how people actually live instead of just assuming.
taytoc 10
Put laxatives in their drinks. It'll force them to buy toilet paper or else.
Il_Maestro 6
I shudder to think of the mess that would ensue if this plan fails...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
To the towels and cashmere sweaters!
kristenbrown93 0
Genius.
NiqueNique 0
Wow dhat would be so funny ta watch. Hey can I have ur numba.
EdenLis 14
What have you been wiping yourself with for the past five days then? O.o
speshlk37 13
Three sea shells.
taytoc 10
This is one question we dont ask
Calyx_fml 22
Cashmere sweaters.
barlessprison 16
Probably with her mom's cashmere sweaters. edit/ Wow, I was really not expecting someone else to crack the same joke a minute before I did.
Calyx_fml 22
First! :^P
br0ccoli 15
Socks
MizzErikaHart 8
Maybe op has a bidet....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Pages from the Twilight Saga books.
cami197934 3
Yes!!!!!!!!
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
A brick, obviously. They just feel so lovely on the derrière.
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Kleenex always does the job for me when I'm too lazy to grab a new role.
theneatoburrito 8
How many thumbs down do you think I'll get for correcting your "role" to "roll"? Sorry, I'm a Grammar Nazi. I can't help it! It's like a disease.
doodlecloud 27
I was more concerned that he was suggesting something which I'm sure OP must've done by now...
Ninjasaurus18 9
High-five!!!
br0ccoli 15
Btw, people do use a small bucket, soap and water in different countries.
facilitator 0
Good thing OP isn't there then. That sounds like it sucks.
1awliet 8
I come from a country that uses soap and water and actually, it doesn't suck.
br0ccoli 15
A large majority of the world actually still use the soap and water routine. So for next time: "Ugh FML...but at least I have toilet paper! Yeah!!"
22cute 17
I must ask you...HOW do you use those 3 things? I lived in Kenya for years & then traveled through the Mid-East and no one ever explained the process. I still wonder...
br0ccoli 15
I *think* it's water/wipethepoo, liquid soap, lots of water, soap hand, water... I think...I'm a toilet paper fan so that's a guess.
thisisafunnyname 12
They use soap, water, and a bucket to wipe? O.o I kid, I kid.
pinkdisco 3
Don't understand why you haven't just bought it yourself...
missalkali 8
wow! lazy ass people! it's called WALKING!! chances are that the nearest store isn't more than a 20 minute walk. and if it is, take the BUS. ever heard of that?? if I need something that desperately and my parents can't take me to the store, I walk. and that's with a bummed leg.
ManInTheMachine 20
There IS this strange new fad...what was it called? Wallki-no, wok-no, that's not it... It rhymes with talking...
zoPwNAgEzo 21
25 - I think you need to calm down just a bit.
yankfan89 27
Maybe OP has no money
ManInTheMachine 20
31-If the only issue is who will go get it, I'm sure the parents would be happy to lend OP the money to buy it.
dmmcintyre3 8
25: Public transit in many places consists of: Taxis School Buses walking on the side of the road or in the ditch/grass beside the road. There isn't even sidewalks for most of the trip between my house and the closest Walmart.
ManInTheMachine 20
41-Yeah, that actually makes more sense.
lunchladyliz 2
36- then don't shop at Walmart? Most places are required to have a grocery store within 2 miles of each other - so chances are you have a grocery store or convenience store within a 20 minute walk.
RedPillSucks 33
Some places are rural and might have neither a close store or bus service. Not every one lives where you live.
ArielTheMermaid 17
25-Where I live, it's about a 20 minute drive down a highway to get to a store that would sell toilet paper. OP just may not be able to go somewhere themselves
eliaaa11 2
same for me. i live in a far off place theres not even street lights on our streets or road. side walks? yeah right.
simplylost643 0
#49- Please, do tell exactly who requires that a shop be placed within 2 miles of each other. Is this actual law where you're from, or are you just talking out of your ass? Closest shop to where I live is 11 miles. Who exactly would I call to tell them to get me a closer shop?
notyobabymomma 4
Actually in the town I'm originally from the nearest store is a 30 minute drive, and we don't have buses and taxis won't come out that far
TheDrifter 24
Bicycle, moped, dirt bike, quad, dune buggy, hitch hiking? There is always a way to get there if you try.
reddudeover 2
How do you know how old OP is? A 13yr old hitch hiking? No there's not always away sometimes you're just screwed!
TheDrifter 24
I hitched all the time before I was 16, but mostly I biked.
kristenbrown93 0
Perhaps the op is younger and doesn't have a cent to his/her name.
KMFiredancer 0
106 - And if you don't own a moped, bike, etc? I sure don't and I live in a city rather than a rural area. Not to mention hitch-hiking can be extremely dangerous! You never know who you are getting into a lockable vehicle with. That is never something I would suggest. The only alternative I could suggest is phoning a friend or friends parent for help or a ride. Say OP was 11: would you want your 11 year old kid in a car with a potential serial killer? Hell no! If OP has someone Rey trust then they should ask for help, never go with someone you don't know!!
Pelvispresley 8
I live 15+ miles from the nearest store, in a rural area so there are no forms of public transportation, and maybe OP does to so shut your mouth before you are rude and make sure you know the whole story.
TheDrifter 24
City People are so paranoid. If you're in the city, tp isn't far away, if you're in the country, chances are that everyone on the road is local, and we run undesirables out of our towns quick. Calling neighbors to tell them their kid is at or on his way to the store is nothing new where I come from.
Rowdey 10
I'm a twenty minute walk from my nearest neighbor so..
TwiztedYuri 9
that time of the month I see. its called a joke no need to get so angry. relax eat some ice cream of your choice and let the days go by. come back in a week :)
tctheamazing 7
25-I live about six miles to the closest store that sells toilet paper. More than a twenty minute walk! And guess what? Buses aren't common where I live, I live in the country! Just saying, that seems like a long walk that'll take a long time. But Op should just get a friend to give them some when they see them,; I'm sure they'll be glad to help(:
Honestly_Lainey 21
OP's gotta give up going to the bathroom I guess. I did, cold turkey. :P
Stanbox2 1
I have a roommate just like that, so i just went and got myself TP and hide it in my room. This way you don't have to suffer too.