Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
Maybe on your next date he'll have explosive diarrhea.
p4r4d0x_fml 0
"Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?" "I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."
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Comments (77)
MAC0789 2
So, date number 2 is still a possibility right???
p4r4d0x_fml 0
"Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?" "I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."
EffinAhole 0
win! love Wayne's World
ironyisforlosers 0
Maybe he was nervous? i don't think we're getting the full story here
skyiscool 0
it's from the movie I love beth cooper
ijenah 0
lol
mrahhhhh 21
Sounds like what a desperate airline passenger would do if they were undergoing severe altitude sickness. FML for the person who sits next to him on a plane. For the uninformed, tampons are excellent at stopping bleeding from other orifices. A marine has actually saved his own life doing that (Snopes.com ftw).
Alkix 2
I'm a bit unclear on how he got it into the purse in the first place. Did he say "I think I"m going to be sick" and you said "Oh hey I've got a good idea, here's my purse." I'm guessing that is what happened since he had access to your tampons.
boatkicker 5
I was wondering the same thing. Why the hell did OP give him her purse? Unless she left it on the table or something, and he grabbed it just before he puked. But still, there's the tampon thing.... I don't let anyone go through my purse. It feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. And partially for that reason (and also because I have things in my purse which can't be just washed off) I'd rather someone puke all over me, than inside my purse. FYL OP
Mons_fml 27
it feels like a huge invation of your privacy cuz thats were you hide all your darkest secrets.
Jimboom 12
Did he maybe get drunk or something? Otherwise I would say you need to get a better taste in men you crush on.
Zebidee 9
He stuck tampons up his nose? What a pussy.
lionandthelamb61 9
nice.
skyttlz 32
I see what you did there
mightymart 5
you are either pretty naive or have very low standards...
Illyssa_fml 4
Wtf??!! How'd you not know he was a douche for years??