Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said, "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
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Top comments
fearfulsymmetry 1
I wasn't aware you could titter vigorously.....I've heard of people working out vigorously, and arguing vigorously, but tittering? How the **** do you manage to do that?
alwa7sh 2
that teaches you to not fake you titters
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Comments (132)
Stephhxbabyy 0
damnn that sucks -__-
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
hehehe.... tittered
rallets 23
your titters were all over the place
DudeImBetter 0
is tittered a cooler way of saying laughed in the uk cause it sounds pretty stupid to me.
Penguinman909 7
I'm from the UK and I've barely ever heard the word tittered used instead of laughed. Must be a southern thing.
claiiire_fml 17
it's not a southern thing.
cwhitney11 4
it's a jersey thing
Day_Dreams 0
35 I believe 34 was talking about the south of England not the United States. other things in the world can be southern.
brandikinz 4
56 it is not a 'jersey thing'. I have lived here my whole life and have never heard that word before. Ever. In my entire life.
cwhitney11 4
68-Americans would see the humor
iSitt 0
is it queen's English ?
DancinKat 0
It's a Jersey thing is from South Park when they made fun of the Jersy Shore.
27BronxBombers 12
titter is something similar to giggle. it's not a difficult word. some of you have a pathetic vocabulary. I'm 13 years old and I know what it means.
kaegomay12 17
yep that sucks
baby610 4
yew toatally deserved it.
stephanie911_fml 0
What are you doing, playing runescape? "yew?"( :
baby610 4
I dnt get it
boopityboppity 11
I get the distinct impression that this happens a lot, 79.
alicec123 0
84- LOL!
baby610 4
no seriously I don't get it? what is "runescape"?
DaDezza244 31
79-Runescape is a computer game
tayytayyy 0
bet it wasn't even funny -___-
Skroal_stomper 5
Hey teyyteyyy? I read your profile. Where u from? Detroit? The greatest city.
baby610 4
haha all racist kinda mean though.
BandddGeekkk 0
does that mean that when you go down on a person, you sometimes throw up all over them?
PeteyPablo12308 20
Lmfao!!!! ^^^ Omfg that's funny!
GuitarNukka520 5
I've never seen anyone puke from something like that. Although, I wish I had it seems like it would be a hilarious situation
maybaybe 0
LOL same here :)
GuitarNukka520 5
I imagine it being all awkward and just pure awesomeness ^_^
ifmlftw 0
dude you have a huge nose
LilyZombie 8
5, your shower curtain makes for a great distraction from your cliché face. just saying. nothing to do with your comment.
RosiePatosie 0
Maybe he understands?
emilyxorawr 3
Don't be sad, there is always others.
musickraze45 0
you life does suck haha
alwa7sh 2
that teaches you to not fake you titters
Loulabelle 0
Goodbye second date