Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML
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Top comments
karamman 5
WTF? So this guy just carries a picture of a turd everywhere he goes?
perdix 31
Would you have preferred that he showed you his uncircumcised penis that looks like a turd?
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Comments (177)
Voldy_fml 16
I would of wanted to see that!
kcpkid 0
What the ****?
Voldy_fml 16
That was a joke. How do you even think that I want to see that?
perdix 31
"would have wanted" Grammar über alles!
Voldy_fml 16
I'm not fluent in English. I am just a starter. So I don't feel ashamed of you correcting me, I should thank you!
jetsown08 21
Damn, between what you 29 and 40 just said and the other commentator I saw with a Grammar Nazi swastika, it looks like this is becoming a serious and coordinated movement. Next thing you know, you'll flip on the news to see a new Grammar Nazi state has been formed where everybody must speak in perfect grammar under penalty of death.
somewizdom 15
43- *beginner, not starter. You're welcome.
Voldy_fml 16
I would honestly like to speak in perfect grammar. Why not? I'm no grammar nazi because I'm not perfect in English myself, but I try. Does it even matter XD
doctorhook86 25
54: You're trying and you're learning! It's only the ones who speak English natively and still can't write properly who really piss us off.
owo_fml 9
40, Your grammar is also wrong. You should say "ein schlechten Tag," or "einen schlechten Tag."
nachiketin 11
That's the spirit :) Way to go.
twye 22
49- I can see that happening. The thought scares me a little.
sens3sfailing 25
I'm not drunk, I'm just speaking in cursive.
the_blind_wonder 1
You people should be ashamed of yourselves! Maybe you should think about the fact that not everybody speaks English, and not everybody is an English major before you start bashing somebody. Now that he has told us that English is not his first language, we should help him learn as well as congratulate him for making an effort despite the fact he's just starting out. So, I say congratulations to you, and good luck in your continued learning of the language.
dominic1221 6
^ "I'm not fluent in English. I am just a starter. So I don't feel ashamed of you correcting me, I should thank you!" That's what the guy being corrected said. You see the reasonableness and humility there? Yeah, you could use some of that. You're obviously a semi-literate idiot with a massive ego if you think being corrected is such an awful thing worth getting enraged about.
geko911 22
OMG are we witnessing a pep-talk on FML? Where are the evil grammar nazis when you need them!!! Toooo... much... kindness!!! Trêve de plaisanterie, you go boy! It's those who try to learn that make it worth it to have a language dictionary...
doubleohseven 0
"Honestly, I would prefer to speak using grammar perfectly. Why wouldn't I? I am not a 'Grammar Nazi' because I am not perfect at speaking English, but I try." Don't sweat it, English is actually really difficult to master, and 90% of Americans use it poorly every day. The only way you can learn correctly is school and practice. So keep it up! :)
purduekid 3
Oh really??? Piss us??? Hmmm I would say it's piss me or pisses us
purduekid 3
**#69
Elphieba 4
Thats disturbing..
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Better than an uncircumsised penis that looks like a turd!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
*uncircumcised
brynom 8
No shit Sherlock
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Oh-Oh, buzzkill in the house!!!
datoismyname 22
You people are failing miserably.
22cute 17
Don't all turds look a bit like uncircumcised penises??
karamman 5
WTF? So this guy just carries a picture of a turd everywhere he goes?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Doesn't everyone?
BountyBass 13
He must be proud of it
mduffy08 8
Everywhere I go, bitches always know...
EMTchic 14
Maybe he has the picture on his cellphone or something Lolz 48- I love that song
Hiimhaileypotter 53
This girl I work with does. One of the toilets at the movie theater we work at was clogged. She thought it was interesting. So she took a picture. Me? I think it's absolutely ******* disgusting. :P
BradenLock 4
Or it could have something to do with the fact they're in line at a bloody pharmacy.
XtraEzeee 8
What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?
octopussperm125 18
I guess u dont carry poop pics....... Weirdo.
Khariau 8
I carry a real turd in my pocket everywhere i go ;D. I like the smell...
Puddings 3
Yes it's this new invention called a mobile phone
davymac718 4
Very graphic
i_wuz_nver_here 31
I thought he was gonna whip out his actual penis
brynom 8
Samee here
Pelvispresley 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell the manager. That's just not right.
Pelvispresley 8
And fyl because that was just uncalled for
botanistjessica 24
What is the manager gonna do? They were already checking out and about to leave, and the guy wasn't an employee.
awagh666 14
8/11, why are you so angry all the time?
Pelvispresley 8
He could kick the man out of the store
csvecw 2
I could see that conversation working out nicely
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
And what would the manager have done? It's not like there's a rule that states 'you cannot show pictures of shit' in shoppers.
Pelvispresley 8
122- omg like, I am like so in love with your profile picture! Better?
jem970 19
Oh wow... Ok so that could be classified as an over-share...
Trisha_aus 15
Does this usually happen in Canada?
music_woman1 11
How was this even brought up?!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I would guess that this is the sort of thing that can't really be brought up in normal conversation. The guy must just be a random weirdo. :)
FailBear920 19
Sounds kinda epic...
starwind3438 9
Yea, epically disgusting.
DocBastard 40
Failbear - The Odyssey is epic. Beowulf is epic. The 1812 Overture is epic. This story is NOT epic.
malfanese 6
^Agree with the Doc. Oh Homer...
FailBear920 19
Doc replying to my comment is EPIC! :o
perdix 31
Would you have preferred that he showed you his uncircumcised penis that looks like a turd?
Pelvispresley 8
...now that I think about it op got off lucky
Pelvispresley 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
...now that I think about it op got off lucky
saintsrocksocks 10
Whoa pelvis I just had deja vous.
Pelvispresley 8
Idk why it got posted twice because I only sent it once
Krysk_fml 0
28- déjà vous*
perdix 31
#28 & #32 déjà vu. It's "already seen," not "already you."
jetsown08 21
Every time I see a grammar nazi try and nitpick little things and fall flat on their face, it brings a tear of joy to my eye.
slurshies 11
pour les gens qui corrige encore les erreurs de 'déjà vous,' je pense que vous pouvez arrêter. nous conprennons qu'il voulait dire 'déjà vu.' give him a break! seriously.
Pelvispresley 8
Foreign battles always confuse me...
DomDomxoxo 16
109: corrigent*