Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I had a wet fart with liquid in my underwear that I could smell. I let the one guy in front of me take the elevator so he wouldn't smell me. When the next empty elevator showed up, seven people started lining up behind me. FML
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
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Top comments
Cherryta 17
It runs in the genes.
itsalanis 25
He gave you a fair warning there, OP. Heh...
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Comments (66)
The_Big_Boss 20
Old people say the darndest things
itsalanis 25
More like old people say the most "TMI" things.
MisterEx 28
Apparently, they sometimes do the darnest things.
Demig0d6 14
Well shit
mb2_native 15
They old, they stopped giving a shit on what people think long ago and started doing it literally.
Cherryta 17
It runs in the genes.
Wizardo 34
And down his legs into a little pool.
Sandsh8rk 36
If he knows he ***** his pants, why doesn't he wear an adult diaper?
sunnysideup25 7
If pooping your pants is cool, then consider me Miles Davis.
chelsearenaeee 16
I don't know whether he's awesome or creepy.
noisyboy4000 23
How is ******** your pants in public ever awesome?
rocker_chick23 27
How is that awesome?
chelsearenaeee 16
I meant because he's elderly, he probably couldn't help it. Elderly people are adorable. Awesome probably wasn't the right word to use.
jerryj 27
You meant "adorable"? How is ******** your pants in public ever adorable?
PageantGirlXOXO 16
I don't think he is awesome, creepy, or adorable. I work with the elderly for a living (I am a nursing assistant so I change a lot of diapers...) but this is super strange any way you look at it... Not exactly something someone wants to smell in a super market...
chelsearenaeee 16
Nevermind, I don't know what I was trying to do anymore. -_-
Rain_Bowoo 1
Haha so done
phillipmccoy17 4
That sounds pretty shitty
Xeebar 28
You had to be "that guy", didn't you?
J3R3MYY 14
There always has to be "that guy" they show up everywhere.
itsalanis 25
He gave you a fair warning there, OP. Heh...
Nickb55 16
The best part is that he can pull it off because he's old.
JenniferNThomas 14
Why did he feel it was necessary to tell you that?!
noisyboy4000 23
Courtesy warning i assume. Like he knew it was going to happen, so he figured he should be polite and warn OP
sunshineb81 16
Exactly. I feel bad for the old man. Could happen to anyone in our late years.
onlychildFTW 34
Incontinence can happen at any age. Not fun.
Kamon97 23
Lol he probably wears a diaper and just says that to piss people off
nomtard 16
Incontinence is my biggest fear of growing old.
foxwasalamb 24
right? that and saggy boobs.
nomtard 16
Boobs wouldn't worry me anywhere near as much as knowing I could lose control over my excretory system.
glabberfasted 16
Incontinence and Alzheimer's. Wouldn't even remember you're incontinent.
Chaith 16
Seems like that was his round-about way of warning nearby people who will have to suffer. Probably hurts him more than the OP, sad FML.
sunshineb81 16
I agree. Very sad. Poor guy probably was embarrassed and tried to offer OP a sort of apology thinking that everyone around him could tell he had an accident. This FML just made me feel bad for the old man.