Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML
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Top comments
karamman 5
WTF? So this guy just carries a picture of a turd everywhere he goes?
perdix 31
Would you have preferred that he showed you his uncircumcised penis that looks like a turd?
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Comments (177)
AwsumShyGuy 12
Why did he have the picture in the first place?
Krysk_fml 0
10- yes. Showing each other turds that look like penises is how we say hello here in Canada.
qwillis98 20
THAT WOULD BE AWSOME!!!!!!!!!
Bonzer 2
*awesome, and what made you feel the need to type in all caps?
VooDooCarrie91 19
Immaturity would compel one to type in all caps, after all, it appears #23 is only 13.
njgohard 16
Jesus ****, why would you want to see that?
Bonzer 2
68- I'm only 13.
VooDooCarrie91 19
102- you did a swell job ignoring the "must be 17 or older" part.
Bonzer 2
112- Thank you, Im an expert at ignoring.
VooDooCarrie91 19
And obviously too immature for a decent conversation.
Bonzer 2
I'm sorry for not having a decent conversation over FML. If you were to see me in real life you would probably agree im not nearly immature enough for my age.
Enslaved 38
What a sicko! At least you're in the pharmacy and able to pick up meds to deal with nausea. :P
perdix 31
Or laxatives, in case the OP was inspired to begin dabbling in shit art. Go to craft fairs and you will see that we are awash in shit art -- why not make it literal?
Sandman578737 0
Everyone is so proud of what they birth even if it amounts to shit
perdix 31
Sounds like he came very close to a Flawless Victory, butt I think such a winning turd would come to a sharp point. Like a blumpkin, I think a Flawless Victory is another mythical entity created just to occupy space on Urban Dictionary. The "third-pic wince" is real, though, go look it up!
zine_fml 5
I have to say Impressive.
oasisbloop 0
Maybe it just was a really lumpy uncircumcised penis..
realeah 4
That's quite an odd way to try to pick up chicks. I think, "Hey, how are you? You're cute." might work a little better than "Here's a uncircumcised penis-turd."
Krysk_fml 0
The FML doesn't say that OP is a female.
surrounded_fml 6
At least it wasn't an uncircumcised penis.,.?