randomjulz
United States
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
disgusted
Harpenden, United Kingdom
The language of love
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Not your maid
Are you kidding me right now?
Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML
Thanks Honey
United States
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Beaming with pride
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
carrie
Justify My Love
Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML
SuperSleuth
Miami, United States
Hot air
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
For
United States
Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada
Moody blues
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Well, shit
Canada
Hot shit
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Anonymous
Love is…
Today, my husband called me into the bathroom to wipe his ass, as he's become too fat to do it himself. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that I did it or the fact that I miss when he was at least ashamed to ask. FML
Top comments
YourDone6 8
come see this hairy ******...no.. what kind of husband are you?
ahhhFYL 0
maybe he was hiding your gift in there. so inconsiderate of you.
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Comments (193)
YourDone6 8
come see this hairy ******...no.. what kind of husband are you?
RandomBlackMan 0
Are vaginas chocolate? I like chocolate.
zuzupetalsYO 11
a sane one
blackberry90210 0
you probably dont even suck dick and this was the last straw.
thehoneybadger 10
Did you seriously just compare the female genitalia to a turd? I imagine that's not doing great things for your sex life.
shankalten 0
He is comparing two things that are gross and in no way is he saying that they are the same.
thehoneybadger 10
I'd have thought implying both were similarly gross would be both offensive to women and immature enough to comment on, but whatevs...
thehoneybadger 10
I mean, "gross"? What are you people, 12?
rdvfyubuyg 1
NO WTF IS WRONG WITH U
fthislyfe 22
im wondering what was so interesting about his turd that he wanted u to see...
Failed_Again 0
Hahahahaha. That is sick, but honestly that should not be offensive towards women... If someone thinks that their reproductive system is rather "gross" then they shouldn't get offended. Sorry if I spelled anything wrong. English is my second language.
herrobear 0
Lol at people that don't think the female genitalia is gross.
NecroParade 3
69, if you're going to call someone immature, don't say "whatevs" after it. It kills any point you had made.
NavyAvi 0
you compare similar things, not different things. big turds are glorious for men, are hairy vaginas glorious for women?
Calyx_fml 22
Hairy vaginas are sexy if the woman they come with is sexy. Would you throw Jessica Biel out of bed because she had a hairy snatch? Didnt think so. I'd floss my teeth with that! You guys are either 12yo or gay.
abstar89 0
douche
omniaki78 4
to make up for it, why don't you make him a sandwich?
ericb8272 2
not gay...but definitely not straight
dudeitsdanny 10
I don't find women's genitalia gross. Then again, I'm a straight guy and always safely avoided the birthing movie in sex-ed. And hairy vaginas: I've always somehow avoided those, too.
Livinia 11
Well.. Did you answer his question? But in all seriousness, that's pretty damn gross of him to say that.
optimusprime0069 8
im not sure if you know this but theres a great book called everyone poops! itll teach you all you need to know
sxe_beast 11
Just because everyone poops doesn't make it any less gross.
enonymous 9
HEY we would look at your shit if you asked us too! and in most cases you have... dragging us to go see the notebook and watching dancing with the stars...
BigOrca 2
hey I wanted to go see those movies. not all guys are that way. I love chick flicks. and no I'm not gay. I'm married.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Sure everyone poops but who the hell wants to look at someone else's shit?
sxe_beast 11
124- You win. I used the same word in another FML, but I do not think anyone knows what a blumpkin/lumpkin is. =s
hunterhound 0
omg ur hot livia
iluvhobos 5
Fuzzy Lumpkins? (:
SexKitten18 0
ha blumpkins! :)))))
bfflrhea 0
37.. omgg!! i used to read that:D haha..
skadoosh52 0
3-in all honesty,u look like selena gomez lol
NBTX830_94 0
Hey you look gud(;
NBTX830_94 0
Hey, you look gud(; we shud get to knw each other
dirtyhobo95 0
your name matches mine...
susie_spiff 0
a wife that cares!
Agiggleaday 0
It was a joke OP, lighten up.
primadonna9396 16
I want to know why there are so many YDIs for this.
iluvhobos 5
because it's just shit, she deserved it for being too much of a priss.
vinzk_fml 6
Shitty husband you have.
SirEBC 7
Ha, ha, ha, ******* ha. Please die.
CryMoreFMLs 15
^ Congratulation ^ You have earned a laugh from me an my respect.
kkmwong 11
lame.
dudeitsdanny 10
He took a page out of Peter Griffin's book.. And made it works. Compromise: Learn to love his farts. Or ask him to change your tampon.. Maybe he'll get the hint. Technically, shit is grosser than that: Lady eggs and blood. I made myself sick.. But fight fire with fire.
sillyjb 9
Eew the mental image just sicked me out.
instnt1nfction 17
your picture horrifies me
muffinkitty 15
gosh. sickening mental image. o.o
noto_fml 0
This amount of gross imagery just isn't ordinary bruh. Never again.
laden_swallow09 35
You don't see the similarities? Feces is gross, menstration is gross. I think I like 6's idea.
iluvhobos 5
It's not THAT disgusting. Plus, OP could just shave her husband's back. Shave a man's back and he'll purr like a walrus.
iNouf 1
men...
JDintheHOUSE 2
what a shitty situation...hahahahha
Ha1r1nY0S0up 15
:) thats right
XXizzlerXX 0
all I can say is THAT'S SICK!
ahhhFYL 0
maybe he was hiding your gift in there. so inconsiderate of you.
WordSmyth 2
"I'm looking right at it."
thegreatbigwhite 2
kill him
CryMoreFMLs 15
WTF is wrong with you? Think before you spew shit from your mouth on FML.