Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
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Top comments
Zelphoric 25
He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.
m22100 14
Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)
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Comments (98)
akballerchicity 11
Why is this an FML?
Omniprism 15
Maybe simplify things.
jroxs13 4
"I'm going to shimmy your shammy." -OP "What?" -Boyfriend "We're going to make the beast with two backs." -OP "What do you mean?" -Boyfriend "We're going to do the horizontal dance." -OP "WTF are talking about? Are you talking about sex?" -Boyfriend
evolute72113 9
Think of it as he is innocent and you could corrupt him make it something sexy
animalxcrackers 20
Never let anyone pressure you
IzzyIzebel323 13
Sounds like hes too innocent for sure if you got to explain yourself everytime
Spyfiction 6
Ha!
SwtCherryPie 26
Tell us what you said and we can try to guess if it's you or him.
zahidnasir 22
i want a long distance relationship but never get one :(
Relf 19
Just send the nudes