Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
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Top comments
Zelphoric 25
He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.
m22100 14
Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)
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Comments (98)
agsilver 14
Of course, he could be in a relationship with the kinkiest girl possible
ScottEdwards 5
kinky=fun
imbedderdenu 23
sing it anyway. he probably was joking. if he gives you a hard time then he's not worth it.
Ali_Br_fml 33
Darn, you posted on the wrong FML. BUT you still gave good advice... If she spent that much time working on the song for him, why waste it?
Ali_Br_fml 33
Ok, start talking about dirty laundry, mud, dirt and worms, and that dirty car you saw while you were walking home, and other"dirty" things. If he really got what you were saying before, and asks you to go back to what you were talking about before, you know he's either just pulling your leg, or was trying to get you to be more descriptive... ~~~ Or you can have him go first with the texting ("ok, you first"), and you can see what he wants to talk about, and how he prefers things to be worded, then you can word your things similarly, and be as descriptive as he is being.
_kyleG_ 34
You know, you could avoid all the confusion and just pick up the phone.
RedPillSucks 33
and use it to send dirty text. That's what she's been doing. :-)
worldclassrager 41
Either way you love him that's all that really matters
CoGhostRider 31
Could be either, Message me and we can get to the bottom of this B)
BellaBelle_fml 23
Well that isn't creepy at all...
vipirius 18
This isn't 9gag bro, you won't get upvoted and called "smooth" here.
sonictardis 8
or tumblr.
loserman67 36
Well, it could be either... Maybe you need to sit down with him and actually talk about what he doesn't understand. Then you can get a clear understanding of the issue. If you're doing it wrong, you can correct things, but imagine the fun you'd have if he really is that innocent. You get to educate him! Why don't you respond here and give us all a few examples of what you've been sending him, I'm sure everyone in here could offer you some tips...
vlalam 24
Hahaha that's hilarious, made my morning... Innocent lovers, u guys gonna have a good laugh abt it in future!!!
weveallbeenthere 30
use video chat instead.
Epikouros 32
Are you sure you texted your boyfriend?