Today, my 5 year-old twin boys decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML
Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML
Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML
Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML
Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML
Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML
Today, my son has a habit of picking on his little brother when in a bad mood. I heard a massive crash and found him out cold with his little brother holding a homemade slingshot and a bunch of rocks. Apparently, in school they just learned about David and Goliath. FML
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Top comments
shinicat 11
Silly kids, Batman and Spiderman can't fly. I hope they're ok though
fleg 9
How about you watch your children so stuff like that doesn't happen?
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Comments (332)
SanDiegoGirl111 3
Don't feel bad, OP! When I was 5, I jumped off the roof with an umbrella pretending I was Mary Poppins (and surprisingly another gal commented that she did the same thing!) I love that your kids are outside playing instead of inside sitting on the couch. It builds more character, fosters their imagination, and keeps them healthy in body and mind. Childhood is only so long and they're so lucky they get to have one! :-) Wishing them a speedy recovery!
ironik69 31
Agreed!
Corilee13 7
I still wish the umbrella thing would have worked...
Dragonmouth 4
I see the problem. Neither of those superheroes know how to fly!
angelbabyg1994 0
Well that's one way to learn...
leadman1989 16
This is just the beginning. Ever seen jackass? You're Bam's mom good luck.
bgraber04 1
warm up the short bus...
jangalianxi 6
Better than them pretending to be Wolverine and running each other through with knives.
chicfuzzball 0
I just don't get it y didn't batsman
jennnn15 4
Jeez They're 5. Parents can't, and shouldn't, be up their kids' butts every second of the day...if they're crossing a six-lane highway, the parent is to blame. Vaulting off a shed in the backyard, that's an accident. Lighten up.
Taybabe2525 0
Seriously! Who let's their children go on the roof... Theyre five it's called watching them
mandaboo 8
41- I love it when people assume they know things about someone they have never met. I do have kids, actually. Maybe they didn't come straight from me but I am a nanny and have been helping to raise 3 of them since they were born. Not that I have to justify myself to you, though. I know kids will be kids but that's an awfully long time to not notice they were off causing trouble. They had time to climb on a roof. Whenever things get too quite, you know something suspicious is up.
punkin_26 16
Jers- your comments are a bit condescending. What makes you think that just because she didn't give birth to those children that she doesn't understand. Then to cover up your bitchiness by giving her kudos for being a nanny. 210- ignore jers. She has a superiority complex cause she's 23, has a 17 month old kid and thinks she knows it all. You hit the nail on the head. They were left alone way too long to be able to come up with a way to climb up on top of the shed. BOTH of them! And yes, the unusual silence should have tipped off op that something was up. And Jers-adoptive parents aren't the biological parents but does that mean they are any less in tune with their children, or that they don't quite get how tough it is to be a parent?
punkin_26 16
It relates perfectly. you said she is 'a nanny not a biological mother. It's different.' Now if you said she is a nanny not a parent then maybe you would have a defense. on a side note-it doesn't magically get easier when the child gets older. In fact it gets harder.