Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML
Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
Tell her you need "a nap" and to turn off auto-correct on your iPhone.
perdix 31
You should ask her how Dad gives it to her. That will make the last 39 minutes of your ride silent . . . or more disturbing than the Blue Waffle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
soccerguy77 0
first! eww I'd never catch myself talking about this stuff with my mom!!
priscilla_28 5
Hey... there is never a bad time to learn about sexual transmitted diseases people!
LoganBballin16 0
wow that suck parents can be so alkward!
iSitt 0
these are scary times to be a parent
foodman 0
long ur gay
austin_DGAF 0
too much anal sex can lead to your rectum collapsing..just saying
TurboTalon 0
When I was in highschool I walked into my kitchen and my mom said " oral sex is sex" to me... (she's religious)
jadedwaitress 0
Oh no, you have a parent that gives enough of a shit to try to educate you about sex. My mother always made for open communication about sex and because of that I'll never be a teenage mother and I can count the amount of people I've slept with or fooled around with on one hand.
FMLoverAgain 7
yes oral sex is sex. that's why it's called " oral sex". when you play with a person's genital it's sex.
pertained 12
whaat? now I won't be able to read yaoi without thinking about the technical stuff D:
boredinnapoleon 0
umm...FYI...wtf?
baggern 0
um who hasnt heard of anal sex mom?
xXSweetNightmare 0
I hate it when people complain about these things, I mean, it happens to everyone. So, be a big kid, suck it up and deal with it, okay?
killpro 0
Anal is hot
rudiznell 0
how old are you 10?
THeInSpEraTIOn4u 0
birds and the bees the over protective mom way
Clare420 0
I love anal(:
bARbi3_d0Ll 0
anal sex seems creepy to me its like a rape postion and i'm guessing its painful
comatoast 0
your mom thinks you take it in the poop chute
rawrcupcakesz 0
eww anal is gross. Good thing I don't do that:)
Stevefett 0
You should have replied that of course you have heard of it. Then tell her you've been doing it for 3 years now. That'll show her. Oh yeah tell her you love it.
pseudolife 4
Yeahhhhh...awkward. FYL, indeed.
Stevefett 0
If you are going to do it use plenty of lube. ; )
imaginaryvoice 18
"Im your daughter, mom, of course I've heard of anal sex"
is300k 0
tell her what a dirty sanchez is
NotYourOrdinary7 6
awkward much?
rohosoccer08 1
that's sick, I don't see what the satisfaction in doing it is for guys
iSwag 0
41- lie
laideehawk 6
This reminds me of the old Masengill douche commercial. The mother goes to her daughter, "Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?". This is a definite FML for op!
iSwag 0
my bad I meant 40-lie 50 lie...and all who haven't tried it will
rohosoccer08 1
haha 66 why are you so sure?
TokioxxHotel 0
I thought everyone knew that.
rawrcupcakesz 0
66- and you know I lied because? I haven't done anal and I'm not planning too in the future.
cowycal 4
And that is why reverse cowgirl prevails!
iSwag 0
wrote two comments...none posted...wish modes would stop hating on me :-/
Russiandon214 0
all the kids are doing it
hXcsoccerplaya 0
sounds like a mom who cares. YDI for complaining
katTKD 0
awkwarddd
littlemissdqgirl 8
What is so great about anal? Ones a$$ is not made for such things. *shakes head* Op give your mom a break. She just wants you to be educated about your body.
mandy_Reeves 0
her mom watches too much oprah or The View. they always have the stories about how teens do oral and anal so they can still claim to be virgins. my mom was like that too but i was 23 at the time
pardonski 0
LOL number 60
FMLhockeyNHL 0
rawr id try it with u
Freeze_fml 17
Why are women such ******* when it comes to anal?
samantha_durano 6
59 is a win :)
FMLoverAgain 7
i want to try it with you iswag
boredinnapoleon 0
umm...FYI...wtf?
perdix 31
Tell her you need "a nap" and to turn off auto-correct on your iPhone.
afatmonkey 0
I once saw a puppy tale a nap. It was really cute. But the damn hippies chopped it up and smoked it. I bet they didn't even get high. Damn hippies.
tienjt 3
Been watching the History Channel, afatmonkey?
scubadiver8888 0
bet it's a guy that posted this
foodman 0
thats gay no pun intended
blackllama 0
awkward... dafp
shayyyyy 0
ummm ok fyl? I guess...
perdix 31
You should ask her how Dad gives it to her. That will make the last 39 minutes of your ride silent . . . or more disturbing than the Blue Waffle.
idaniboo 0
number 9. haahahahaha. you disturbed my mind. blue waffle is GNAR as **** x3
Primus_fml 0
Nothing is more disturbing than a blue waffle. NOTHING
ericownz101 0
i eat two blue waffles every morning... with extra syrup >:O
chapachristina4 0
#9-bomg the 'special fried rice' is way worse than the blue waffle!!
dizziedanni123 0
...i wish i didnt just look that up.... *gags*
chapachristina4 0
haha! that's how I was when I first saw it xD
cooluc 0
Special fried rice in a blue waffle? *shudder*
perdix 31
chapachristina, I'm going to leave "special fried rice" alone, because I've already looked up "felching."
pariah13 0
I also wish I hadn't looked that up. I'm afraid to look up felching.
baggern 0
srsly tho, every kid in my grade has heard of it and im 13. one of my frends has even done it.
alexthecutie 0
ewww is he a guy? I'm a 13 year old guy but I only like sucking
ajallday 0
you only like sucking dick whaaat?
laideehawk 6
34-some things are best left unsaid....tmi
Neon_Radikal 0
I think I know 34 o.o because, I know this kid Alex, that does a lot of weird names "AlexTheHusky", "AlexTheGayHusky" and stuff like that... LOL. Sorry, a bit random and off topic.
kittycat0906 3
Wow u sound just like my bff "I'm not gay i just like sucking" LMAO!
Ashleii_fml 0
lol I'm 13 and I'm a girl and have done it XD
KiddNYC1O 22
99- that said, I think I've seen you on Maury... off to boot camp you go!
jujubeewhoopie 0
I am sorry to hear that someone that young is engaging in that. One would think it a healthier choice to simply not partake in any bodily activity at that age. Seriously, have you a low image of yourself? Just don't play that game.
penguinazul 13
I totally agree with you, 106. I thought we had to worry about kids just having regular sex at 13...now you kids are having anal? Jesus, what is the world coming to? Some things just aren't MEANT for little children. Anal sex is one of them. *dies*
OMGJASMiNE 0
that must have been a great ride(x
soccerguy77 0
cutest girl on here;)
MetalmaidenDeth 0
hehehe sorry i just had to laugh at the way you worded that and now i feel immature. :(
ticklemechantell 0
I laughed too, dnt feel bad xD
OMGJASMiNE 0
yes(x it was funny