Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I babysat the neighbors’ evil kids. They dropped them over at my house and I played with them for five hours. After taking the brats back home and putting them to bed, their mother asked me what time I came back to the house. She only paid me for the 20 minutes I was in their house. FML
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML
Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I found my neighbours bratty kid in my house, eating my snacks, dirtying my sofa, and drawing on pages torn from my books. I marched him back home by the ear, him screaming I was a meanie, and his mother's only excuse was, “Boys will be boys.” No apology or anything. I HATE KIDS. FML
Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML
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Top comments
nibawan 0
I can't see how you could be helpless on the floor. grab the sword and stand up sissy
Schazam 0
you sir are not an alpha male
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Comments (158)
caseyn31 0
first! and haha pwned!
tj79 3
well what you do is sarenwrap the fockers to the bed, then piss on them, and then break their fingers
drakem 7
owned
smile031008 0
u do love ur jobb opp?
IphonFML 6
YDI for using gaming terms in real life and for not being able to control 2 kids
bmoney99 0
OP is a BITCH it's a reason they made a belt a branch a shoe a hanger a hammer a tv a door a bed a chair all does thing can be used on children u gotta strike passionate fear into their eyes !
phara_fml 0
He smashed you with his plastic sword, did he?
rockhound 0
kid must be an R Kelly fan
skittle68 0
I don't understand how you could be helpless against 5 year olds. I'm 5'0" and used to babysit a 7 and an 8 year old, and they would climb all over me. No way they could have held me down like that, and they were almost as big as me. OP probably got knocked down and hit with the sword and exaggerated the rest.
SecureReflex 0
Smack the shit outta the first kid, then when the second tries to run, take him out with a dropkick. Then stand up and say "Roadhouse".
melkell 0
#61-- win!
tthhoomm 0
******* LOL
stephanie0613 0
YDI for not controlling two 5 year olds.
77taylah33 0
110 it would probs be YDI for trying to contol to 5 year olds lol
xmmichelleex 0
did op mean spoiled?? whats spoilt lol
aknnja 0
pwned
platypussies 0
call chuck Norris to take care of them
krazygirl100 9
dont feel bad i got beat up by a 2 year old
ricojordanrai 0
minecraft ftw
Ojahman 3
lmfao 42
EvilLittleGirl 24
#19, you do know that fml isn't real life, right?
Schazam 0
you sir are not an alpha male
TomPusslicker 21
You must show them that you are the pack leader. Show your dominance and they will submit to you.
ohsuzykuew 0
of course not. he's British.
Penguinman909 7
oh so us Brits can't be alpha males?
HamsteronA 0
#48 is that a self-portrait?
CiaranPM 0
No you can't.
wwerulez14 6
#55, with those accents, nobody can.
Jaxx66 21
Yeah. I don't see how nationality got put in there. But apparently you aren't either. But as an explanation, the children took advantage of the adult. Two weak five year olds owned the babysitter. That's pretty damn fail.
Gravitational 8
Agreed
FilipinoDude9 16
To become the dominant alpha, don't let them pee on you. Pee on them, then they'll listen.
muffpuncher 0
shit. pushed. in.
nibawan 0
I can't see how you could be helpless on the floor. grab the sword and stand up sissy
1personinthiswor 0
^This xD
DjeePee 25
And what after that? He becomes a mad and very angry alphamale, the kids are afraid, he let them cry from fear, or pain if he beats them, and when the parents come home they will say "Oh, very well sir, you have beated my beloved children. Splendid." No. Just no. A babysitter isn't allowed to beat (naughty) children. I think the parents than are able to sue. I wouldn't take the risk.
IStoleTheCookies 16
#64, Spare me the crap. A babysitter isn't aloud to harm the kid in any way, but they are aloud to discipline the kid. And even the parents are against smacking, I wouldn't think twice about giving them a slap on the back of their legs. Nothing wrong with a slap light enough to not bruise or mark the skin, but a slap har enough to teach me not to do it again.
kelseythompson 27
no one has the right to physically discipline a child that is not their own
DocBastard 40
Next time just smack the smug right off their little spoiled faces. Goddammit, be a man!
wwerulez14 6
It's not even that. No offense towards any parents but, parents these days seem to let their kids go off on their own too much. They let them get away too often, etc. That "kids will be kids" crap may make sense sometimes, but not always. Things like this is where those laws against child abuse are a tad too strict. You should be allowed to AT LEAST spank your children. I don't mean like "grab the belt and go to town", just a few light, open-palm hits to let them know if they're gonna be a little brat, they're gonna get their ass beat. Even a light smack to the head works fine. Anyway, that's my opinion on the matter; haters- HATE AWAY.
XxBlackamusPrime 5
lol a smack wud be letting the kid off easy. back in my day me and my brother wud get the belt.
Poepiepiesie 3
I can take on 21 five year olds at the time.
ryanriola 0
A belt my dad ripped a big branch off the tree and beat me.
worldclass 0
I feel bad for you. However, it's quite an experience for the memory books.. or the parents.
joekr 0
they can probably spell better than you too, it's "spoiled"..noob
FFML_314 12
Well, we all know there's a good chance they can punctuate and capitalize better than you.
DocBastard 40
Joe- please remember that it was the English who invented English, ironically enough (yes I realize that it is a Germanic language with Latin influence). There are a few words that they spell differently, so don't be a moron and think they are wrong when YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS AN IDIOT!!! GODDAMMIT!! Sorry...I was doing well there for a while.
mobetta126 0
actually in the united kingdom the past tense uses a t not ed ... we dropped it in english but they kept it... so technically op is correct
lottiebearx 10
'Spoiled' is what our children say before they have learnt to speak properly. Sorry, *learned. Big difference between English and American English. To spoil, is spoiled, was spoilt.
MyTwoCents_ 0
shut up all of u nerds Ur making my brain go so fast
kboy1234 0
Yup ..you dumb ****... spoilt is the original past tense...at least in the united kingdom. That's the problem when this majority of this so called grammar nazi Americans think they no it all and don't know shit....
BonJovi821 3
know*
adaliapeace 3
#99: I find it amusing that you said that about "so-called grammar Nazi Americans," that we "don't know shit," but your comment contained numerous errors... By the way, I am a so-called grammar Nazi American, and I actually spell words correctly. Just so you know. @OP: This is part of the reason I will never baby-sit someone else's kids. My kids are the only ones I even like. When my kids are brats, I know I can punish them without worrying about someone else's standards for discipline, since so many parents for some reason think that spanking a kid every now and then is going to do long-term damage or something. Other people's kids... well, sad to say, most of them know if their parents don't like spanking, and also know that their parents would go off the wall at the baby-sitter for spanking their kids, and never even consider or address whatever the child did to earn the spanking.
Slammedintegra 0
YDI for being a midget
MissErikaHart 0
wouldn't have been me..
mastahpg1 0
ur hott!!
mastahpg1 0
ur beautiful!