Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML
Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML
Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kristir9426 0
that is awful! people are crazy.
Tikwichka 5
55, it is the British spelling. Surely 'God Save The Queen' gave you a hint OP is not American? You must know by now that British and American English have different spelling for many words, no?
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Comments (119)
zerobahamut03 2
omg, did it smell horrid? i don't suppose they train you on this at the academy...
jaro_fml 0
for a minute there I thought u were a cop
winslow310560 0
who says God doesn't have a sense of humor.
lmtaube77 2
you shouldnt be a cop then dickweed. sorry but i have no sympathy for bacon.
residentZERO 0
not all cops are bad, some are just trying to make a living. it's just like not every fast food employee is an asshat, but people like you lead us to believe otherwise. :p
xxLauraSxx 4
wow... grow up. just because you can't do whatever you want in this world have have probably got in trouble with a cop does not mean they're bad people. laws exist, and police are there to enforce them. get over yourself.
Ficklefart 0
me me?
Clumsyblonde22 12
Wow there is some America bashing going on here... As for the Fml... That really sucks. I would have thrown up in a heartbeat.
bigbadtim 7
Did you give him some toilet paper?
rogueangel9 4
on the job for awhile now. I feel your pain, bro'.
llppjhddt 0
thats the best pic EVER
MissErikaHart 0
ever?
Hopersz 0
Lmfao this is the best FML I have yet to read lol. Sucks for u but the guy must have been on somethin haha
McCamryn123 0
D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A.(: via the diarrhea song 6th grade.(:
BlargHonk 0
The spelling the OP used is the British spelling, per about ten people above you.
rofflewaffle 9
BlargHonk, don't be silly. Hipsters don't know that there are other countries.