Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML
Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML
Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kristir9426 0
that is awful! people are crazy.
Tikwichka 5
55, it is the British spelling. Surely 'God Save The Queen' gave you a hint OP is not American? You must know by now that British and American English have different spelling for many words, no?
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Comments (119)
felipe87 2
sux to be a cop
Doortje 30
diarrhoea??
imright24 0
You accepted the job. YDI.
xxLauraSxx 4
16, you're an immature moron.
pinkdisco 3
....wow.
letsgetouttahere 3
Hahaha, that made me laugh too much :L:L I love how you add 'It's then I remembered that it's my job to do something about it.' like if it wasn't you'd have watched and laughed :L:L GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
sloppyflow 1
save the queen from the shitty situation
lovelyliz916 5
Well shit happens, but mainly on your watch..tee hee :P
shannonjnae2706 0
That's your punishment for being a cop.
UsmcDevilDogs 0
u have a bog head
UsmcDevilDogs 0
u have a bog head
rofflewaffle 9
And you're a grunt that can't spellcheck. Now, don't we all feel better?
xxLauraSxx 4
26, you're stupid. grow up.
Polale 0
Way to tell em
Ellen_Farrah 0
that's really funny lol
perdix 31
What is your job? Are you a photo booth attendant or a mall cop? If it's the latter, you could arrest Mr. Diarrhoea (I love the British spelling -- it almost makes the condition sound like fun to have) and haul him off the the torture chamber underneath Victoria's Secret which is usually used on saleswomen who put on a few pounds.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
^win
tbwrb 0
It's called the English language, which you lot desecrate so crassly. Perhaps you could try using it again instead of the franco-English you adore so much
Telinaa 0
#38.- Calm down, mate. I don't recall him calling British people anything like prissy little bitches, so, chill your boner, bro.
llppjhddt 0
who says crass? havnt heard tht word inover 94 years
hitfaceonbrick 0
People with more than one synapse firing in their tiny little head you crass, silly little bitch.