Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iseyixes 18
Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.
perdix 31
You should have farted after he honked your boob and said, "Oops, faulty valve."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
Austyn57 1
honk honk !!!!
hellya14 0
Umm .... Op tried that. That's what the FML was about. But I do agree with you...maybe op should try again.
Metallica36176 16
Don't move during sex. Dont make a sound or anything. Maybe he'll appreciate it more when he realizes it could be worse...
tne201992 12
Your husband reminds me of Peter Griffin. lol
YourAddictionx 9
.
jayhawkchik 4
1-800-divorce
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
I would have slapped him for that. Plus he can go out and buy his own sex doll until he decides to What if he was telling you something heartfelt that could make your relationship better and he sought just to make fun? Time and a place and its obvious that this guy doesn't know the meaning of it. FYL. :(
stoptrying 9
And we can all only hope he would've slammed you with an assault charge. One less person who resorts to unnecessary violence.
AgaveLoco 5
The left or the right boob?
chippa 24
What a comment! Hahaha!
CarouselHeart 11
You're the one who married him!
goose12321 11
Booooooooooobs!!!!