Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
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Top comments
iseyixes 18
Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.
perdix 31
You should have farted after he honked your boob and said, "Oops, faulty valve."
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Comments (106)
japtap81 16
Stop bitching atleast u get sex!
Kiki242 19
But if she isn't getting satisfied what's the point?
japtap81 16
Then she needs to actually do more work to get herself off first before he gets off. Duh! It's her fault not his cause he's a male
Kiki242 19
That's what she's trying to do. She tried talking to him but he responded with humor.
outoftown 27
#49, He responded with disrespectful "humor," further denigrating her feelings. Double fail.
3pi 6
Don't expect men to know everything, tell him how u feel maybe next time he can be a little more serious when u talk to him.
onorexveritas 24
what an ass
hellya14 0
Total ass thing to do. Just refuse sex until you get more out of the relationship. If it ends it, you are better moving in now than later.
GypsyRover 0
Spoken like a true stuck up snob. I bet your man is cheating on you and your life sucks. If you were mine you would come home from work and your things would be at the curb and the locks would be changed. :-) then you would be "holding out"side.
hellya14 0
Well, first, I am a man. Second, I have a wonderful life because my wife respects me and I respect her. Respect goes both ways, which obviously the op here is not getting from her husband. If holding out makes him realize what an ass he is being, then yes, I endorse it. If believing that respect goes both ways and that there is more to relationships than just sex makes me a "stuck up snob", then long live all of us "stuck up snobs". Thank you for you two cents.
GypsyRover 0
They should talk about it. Withholding sex will only make it worse.
captainObviously 15
Hahaha u deserve it for marrying ur socially awkward husband. Honk honk!! Rofl smh
Kiki242 19
Do you mean that he's on top all the time? Or he finishes and that's the end of it?
allygmore 4
Wow
themago23 1
I always do the same hahahahhah
themago23 1
I always do that
iMandyx3 5
******* retard -.-