Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML
Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML
Today, I realized how low my husband's libido has gotten over the years. He has zero intention of trying anything to fix it, no matter how hard I try. I don't even think I'm horny anymore as much as intimately touched starved. He ran his hand down my back in passing and I almost burst into tears. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML
Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML
Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML
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Top comments
Wadlaen 24
Then you should tell him that as a response to his whining, and hopefully he'll improve and drop the pickup lines.
GoogieWithers 25
Tried that with mine. He said, 'You always tell me everything I do is wrong. I don't know why I even bother!'.
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Comments (4)
Wadlaen 24
Then you should tell him that as a response to his whining, and hopefully he'll improve and drop the pickup lines.
GoogieWithers 25
Tried that with mine. He said, 'You always tell me everything I do is wrong. I don't know why I even bother!'.
Charlie Given 28
If your husband is saying that to you, that is a call for help! you need therapy because you're going to lose your husband. that's what caused me to boot my ex out. her never being happy or satisfied with anything I did.
Charlie Given 28
Sounds more like you're the one killing the sex life! you sound rather boring in bed and unadventurous maybe you should stop being a prude! go ahead and keep it up cuz you're headed down the road of divorce he'll eventually just go find somebody who thinks this pick up lines are cute and wants that attention, like seriously who wants a quiet partner during sex! that's just creepy you either need to learn to communicate to your partner or find one who doesn't speak.
babymookie 20
there’s a difference between talkative and childish
FluffythePink 23
"Look, you acting like a 14yo just kills my ladyboner. If you want more sex, stop with the cringe and we'll discuss fantasies and our personal wants like adults. Yes?"
jamburny 1
ex would constantly be hateful, angry, and withhold intimacy by any means necessary including false accusations and made up stories about me. when she would let me rail her she would ask why I don’t just **** her when she’s angry. yet if I even try to touch her even in a calming/caring/loving she would flip the **** out. can’t win can’t lose