Today, at work, someone found a bat indoors. I offered my help. They shouted, "Let someone with the right expertise do it." I volunteer as a bat carer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML
Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML
Today, I've been awake since 3 a.m. Why? A bat flew into the house and made its way to my bedroom. We haven't been able to find it. FML
Today, at 1:30 a.m., a big ass bat squeezed its nasty body through the bottom crack of the door. My sweet little Corgi cowered on the bed as the bat flew circles around my head. I'll be moving now. FML
Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantle. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
QueenSaru 28
I mean, did they know what you do in your free time? Because I sure as heck don't know what my coworkers do off the clock.
RichardPencil 32
Oh, pardon me! A VOLUNTEER bat "carer"? La-ti-friggin'-dah! So, your bat caring skills are so good that people pay you zero dollars for them? They need a professional bat carer. And what is this made-up term? Even in the major leagues, they'd call you a "batboy!"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
QueenSaru 28
I mean, did they know what you do in your free time? Because I sure as heck don't know what my coworkers do off the clock.
RichardPencil 32
Oh, pardon me! A VOLUNTEER bat "carer"? La-ti-friggin'-dah! So, your bat caring skills are so good that people pay you zero dollars for them? They need a professional bat carer. And what is this made-up term? Even in the major leagues, they'd call you a "batboy!"
TheStriker316 3
They meant "Kill the Bat". You work with Clowns, don't you?
randybryant799 21
I can't stop laughing.