Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
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Top comments
iseyixes 18
Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.
perdix 31
You should have farted after he honked your boob and said, "Oops, faulty valve."
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Comments (106)
ValxVicious 0
Jahajhaha
JustHayden 5
Sorry but you set yourself up for that one.
TonyRuckus 5
lol he is very quick witted
JoshO_o 4
Make squeeky noises when he wants some
cwlovell13 3
Shoulda made that guy a sandwich, husbands love sandwiches.
KaitlynNeal 13
Punch his balls and say: my punching bag
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
Your husband seems cool to me..
omg36 7
Why did you marry someone who makes you feel like a useless blowup doll?
be4udie03 6
If you don't wanna feel like a doll, you gotta take charge and suck his dick before he tells you too! ;) get kinky!
DustyStorm 16
I hate to say this because I know it's gonna get some thumbs down, however..... Isn't a part of marriage the sex? If you don't want sex, marry someone who doesn't either. If you don't want role playing, marry someone who doesn't do it. If you want sex often marry some who does too. If you want kinky, ask and make sure your other does too! Don't wait until later to "discover" that your other just doesn't do __________. A marriage should be the right stuff combined. If you marry a nymphomaniac and you hate sex....shoulda talked about it. All of these people who seem to not know their partners....maybe ask more questions?
Shade1982 21
I find myself agreeing with you very much. Problem is, most people seem to think they can change someone, and afterwards complain if someone doesn't... Communication is key, people!
SpazzingKpopper 8
What bothers me is you saying 'marry the person if they like this'. You marry the person you love. Sometimes they don't like what you like. You can't just marry someone whom you don't love but likes the same sex stuff as you. Maybe that's not what you were implying, so if it's not, you may want to think about rewording the comment.