Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
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Top comments
Weil 0
Owned.
Astroman129 7
Yeah, I hate when some people decide to make things a lot more depressing for no reason. It would be even worse if you had erectile dysfunction. =[
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Comments (124)
zidane312 0
haha, you should of said thinking of your mom helps keep it up
devilcurls6981 0
why does everybody take joking so seriously
cyberhoy 3
49 how the hell is saying something bad about a bodypart worse than saying shit about the guys erection? thats way worse dicks are no good if you can't even keep a hard on then all they are good for is peeing standing up. That being said i still think this is a joke as i said before
polishswede 0
what a bitch!
bread_fml 0
That's her fault for not being able to turn you on. Tell she needs to be more sexy or you'll dump her.
ihpb09 2
#49, u are the biggest hypocrite EVER. "cuz that was a body part that he was talking about...and he got mad at me for not taking the joke. BS." that is the EXACT same situation as OP was in, except hes a guy. how is a penis not a body part? and why should you be allowed to get mad for your boo-hoo experience and he cant? just because hes a guy hes not allowed to be sensitive about his privates? EQUALITY!
NeverMind88 0
God THAT turned me on. :D
Livi1 0
wow guys chill u r taken this a little TOO seriously, dude who wrote this FML: she was joking, she didnt mean it, dont take it too seriously and women are not cold hearted, just becasue we overthink things ALOT and freak out in awkward situations does not mean we're cold hearted bitches (....most of us...)
unfixie 0
wow don't hate! as ive said, they were talking about the erection --- and the ''joke'' was not directly pointed to the guy's penis! --- in comparison to a guy telling a girl to get a fucken boob job cuz your boobs are small!?!? gah. people are so serious in here! wtf
DaftPyramid 0
Sounds like that's more of an issue with her than you.