Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I was at a party, and a cute girl in a skirt sat on my lap. We were flirting and I unfortunately got hard. She then stood up and yelled, "Are you getting hard? EW!" FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HeyImPayton 0
"don't worry, it's just a pen"
morgan69_fml 0
Hahaha, that must've been awkward...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (265)
morgan69_fml 0
Hahaha, that must've been awkward...
charlie14670 0
That's one way to break the ice ;)
HowAreYouToday 34
I'd be worried that he broke his bone...
cudi504 4
Sounds like a porno...
Keyman1212 14
It wasn't awkward, she "fell" onto your boner, ie slowly lowered herself onto it... Mmm... Hope nobody is fapping to this FML o.O
HeyImPayton 0
28, where there's a slightly sexual FML, there's at least 50 guys fapping to it.
eeppiicc 8
In Oklahoma nothing is awkward. (For those of you who didn't guess I'm from Oklahoma)
Keyman1212 14
Yeah 10 is probably in a high school medical program, so that you can be a certified nurse's bitch, or just so that he can prepare himself for college.
Shrike 24
dude, don't play the homophobe card. sure, there's some homophobic morons here, but you're gettin' down voted cause you're flirting with people here. doesn't matter what gender, it's just annoying. :))
khaytah 0
Teasing each other? Boner? We both know you're more than just friends.
Keyman1212 14
I love gay people, but I have no respect for homosexuals who play the homophobe card, nor do I have respect for African American's who play the race card. It's the 21st century, quit being a whiney bitch, not everyone likes everyone, that's just life.
aruam365 24
More like everything is awkward so, nothing seems awkward.
je_suis_fml 11
66- African Americans and homosexuals are not... never mind. I've seen your comments. Why bother.
13FTW 9
74, why bother putting that much of a comment only to say " never mind." Keyman puts shit how it is and has the balls to say it. Don't put him down cause you don't like hearing the truth.
Shrike 24
no it wasn't justified. you're not gonna get lynched on a website, and even if you were, you'd think that'd give you the idea to not be so blatant about it, right? just lay off playing the victim and use eharmony for the flirting and it's all good, mate
sierralovesyou 0
Look here hot dog dude, people have no respect for gays who play the homophobe card. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Leave the flirting to the dating sites. Peace out sista fran
blackheart24 10
Ya know, I don't mind gay people as long as they don't try pushing all their shit on ppl who don't want it. You think that people are judging you, but you dont really have a right to come on here and hit on people and then complain about getting thumbed down. It's uncomfortable for some people so stop being such a puss. It's a website, of course someone is gonna judge you for being different. What did you expect?
blackheart24 10
If u wanna be gay, cool, but the majority of society is straight, which means that straight couples are more common. Truth is gay is a minority so youre gonna have to put up with it. And I don't really give a shit about your love life since this whole thing is irrelevant to the FML, you just went and got all butt hurt for getting thumbed down... haha butt hurt. Get over yourself bro
Vasin_fml 15
I see a new version of "sitting on the toilet" coming, except it's about boners.
RainbowHeadache 2
Not sure about that 39. I can't tell people I have a lady boner without it getting weird. Some people just don't appreciate compliments. :c
Belzebug 14
That aint a bone...
NoWarranty_fml 14
it's worse when it happens with your ex-girlfriend
FurryRocks 10
So your a tranny 117
ndhin831 2
@29 with all the internet **** content you really think anyone "faps" to fml? that's more sad than the guy whose family caught him watching midget ****
gunnar7240 0
The real question is way the heck you even had a boner.
Franorox 8
200 Ur dumb
Evan2297 0
Sittin on the boner! Sittin on the boner!
amyjadee 0
Its all fun and games, until somone gets a boner..
AceArctic 4
This is incredible! I've finally seen an FML from Oklahoma! Now to find one from north dakota.
jrtepechis 6
I'd take advantage of that if I wasn't married ; but from the sound of it seems she didn't seem too welcome to it yet
AngryCanadian 0
Place hands on waist. Pull onto knee. Recalculating... Push towards knee before she lands on your dick. Recalculating. Fatal error. Go back to start point and try again.
theten_fml 9
It happens to me all the time
NinaTatianna 9
it sounds like you both were being cute and flirty.. although was probably awkward, i would no consider your life is "******" from this situation... maybe something good come out of it ;) jaja
gun6slinger9 9
Must be more than just friends if you got a boner...
scrubtastic 0
Your a idiot....... Its spelled "to"
tasteslikedenial 4
^ don't correct people's grammar if you can't properly use it yourself. It's "YOU'RE AN idiot" ..
intothecrypt 3
Not to mention the 'it's' and the fact that the right 'too' was used.
kateheartswaffle 0
No, she used the word "too" correctly. She used it to describe something that is excessive.
j_cat187 20
Did she have a hole in her pants?
buhrittanyerin 6
And, if you have the word "a" before a word that starts with a vowel, it turns into "an". Example: "You're an idiot."
AriTheAirhead 10
............oh gosh........well. No more cuteness for awhile, eh?
HeyImPayton 0
"don't worry, it's just a pen"
DynamicDave 11
"Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone."
kikiluv 1
Lawl
ranger186 1
-is
HomeAl0ne 20
"umm, let me just adjust my car keys...."
sheerem 7
Oh yeah, I forgot that roll of quarters in my pocket!
pandapoopDX 0
ur doing it all wrong!
afallingstar 22
How exactly were you teasing eachother?
Buttsexpirate 9
Nipple tickles!
Derek191919 0
haha that made my day
Jdimp 1
lmaoooooo!!
CharlieS0ul 0
I'd add a like but that number just fits lol
juliahockey 0
Ouch, that sucks. Must have been awkward after that.
Sonic_boomerang 5
Well at least she knows now.
IanMoone3611 12
Knows what?!
HeyImPayton 0
That he gets a boner from her beautiful house?
flockz 20
"ooooh ya baby your house.... it's magical. mmm look at those double paned windows... ya thats what i like, i like em thick ya. crown molding awww **** ya. are those shingles foreign? you know i like the curves of foreign shingles. awwww ya look how small and tight the hallways are shiiiiiiiiiitttttt!!!!" ******
HeyImPayton 0
I feel like thats basically how it went down.
crownlogic 25
It's always a compliment to know people like how you've decorated.
Nutty4Muffs 3
I don't think I've laughed at anything on FML harder than flockz's comment there.
Peanut87 0
I buy it...
HJ0HN50N 4
36. That was epic
atomicbaboon 0
36, what made your comment even better was imagining your pic saying it.
IscoreOnU 19
Well she probably knew anyway I mean a while back I started talking to my friends and they said when I was with them doing whatever, they could tell I had one. I mean Its not that weird once they know. One was totally cool with it. Just make the best of it and it will all turn out fine ;)
flockz 20
well that jesture wasn't cute. hopefully she didnt think the size of your shlong was cute either, or you're double ******.
Jdeluxh 12
I think in this situation, OP would not mind being "double ******".
supersixfour 7
or just ****** at all for that matter
missL1z 5
Slam dunk!