Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML
Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML
Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML
Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to a restaurant for lunch and said, “It’s time we talk about our future.” I got all emotional, thinking he was going to propose. Instead, he calmly told me he’s moving to another country. I cried into my breadsticks. FML
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Top comments
evilscorpi 29
well you could have said "and ive already done that in the past, now i have you." :-*
every1luvsboners 11
So, did you eat the damn thing or not? I'm on the edge of my seat here, people.
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Comments (121)
ILoveDaWorld 5
ohhhhhhh not the best thing to say
JustinComments 3
29- I looked down through the comments and didn't see more than one person from Texas.
hinchkongfang 0
Coulda been worse, at least you got a cookie. :)
MrPedoBear_fml 4
Settle down with me.
ohheytherebuddy 0
37 has his priorities in order!
YourEvilHero 12
so this means I still have a chance with you op?
dre_bro11 12
OP, don't believe them! I read one which said that MrPedoBear was watching me from outside my window... I don't see him.
asterik99 3
The cookie is right, he's just that good.
angrymexican 8
Cookies never lie
shadlows 3
What does it mean the fortune I don't get it....
tona01 16
106 it means that OP was going to be in a lot of relationships before she finds the "one"
dre_bro11 12
Maybe this is the one.
gymfeind 0
Oh come on its just a ******* fortune cookie you actually believe that do you
evilscorpi 29
well you could have said "and ive already done that in the past, now i have you." :-*
evaki1 12
That is so sweet!
DeviousAngel 13
And then OP's boyfriend realizes the commitment she's made to him and gets nervous. :P
koolkat27 13
40- way to make it awkward.
Brandi_Faith 34
That's one of the things op thinks about when she's going to sleep and then goes "ugh why didn't I think of that when I was at the table!" "why is it always after the fact!"
Lanceeden 12
'...in bed' Sorry. You just gotta do it
Lifefail887 13
it's future tense
acdc923 0
That's interesting. *yawn*
wakabubbles 0
:(
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Ouch. :(
renniepenny 5
At least it didn't say that you were still finding your sexuality
Mister_Triangle 21
I once got a fortune cookie that told me I should enhance my feminine side
fatgirllovesfml 0
Don't make a big deal out of nothing...
fthku 13
Exactly. If you, your family or your boyfriend actually listen to these things you need to get your head examined. I think most people would just laugh it off, not post it on FML.
fthku 13
Whether it's his family or hers makes no difference. I don't agree with either your point or your general condescending attitude. How is it humiliating to read that fortune cookie, exactly? In *layman's terms though, since you didn't seem to get my point, the fortune cookie won't actually predict the future, nor is her reading it suggesting that she plans on listening to it. This doesn't really have anything to do with "layman's terms", of course, I can't see why you chose to say that. At least spell laymanlaymen correctly the next time you choose to act so high and mighty.
every1luvsboners 11
So, did you eat the damn thing or not? I'm on the edge of my seat here, people.
btnhdude 0
Dude, she couldn't decide...
NEEPLES 7
I know. Leaving the best part out. What kind of post is this?
yety135 3
So what up with this u left the best part out and then your boyfriend dumped get man
kut19 6
You're supposed to say "between the sheets" after every fortune cookie.
kut19 6
This one makes you sound promiscuous.
redfishbluefish2 13
Very good..
Kolby27 1
its actually supposed to be " in bed"
Awesomeelliot 11
Kolby is right
morejuana 0
hahaha i only laughed at this fml cause of the comment from 8