Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML
Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML
Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML
Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to a restaurant for lunch and said, “It’s time we talk about our future.” I got all emotional, thinking he was going to propose. Instead, he calmly told me he’s moving to another country. I cried into my breadsticks. FML
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Top comments
evilscorpi 29
well you could have said "and ive already done that in the past, now i have you." :-*
every1luvsboners 11
So, did you eat the damn thing or not? I'm on the edge of my seat here, people.
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Comments (121)
CVeNgineer 0
You can only imagine what the person who wrote that fortune was going through
Decapitation 3
FMLs are just not what they used to be...
FyreKrotch 1
It should have said "You will post on FML in the near future and no one is going to care.".
marinus_fml 20
You player OP!
leadman1989 16
I read your description and if that is indeed you BRAVO, but what is with that tattoo?
theangel1 3
You're gorgeous :))
samsea 5
I wish I had the job of making fortunes I would say some crazyyyyyy shiizzzz.
summerbreeze888 10
"that was not chicken.."
rattusrattus 19
"You will continue to desire delicious Chinese food"
tona01 16
"you will be hungry again in 30 minutes"
evaki1 12
You must not sue us, The duck has horse meat.
You_Need_Soap 6
If this is what made you think/say FML, then you're a boring MFer! But really, DID you eat it?
JustinComments 3
"Fortunately" for you, they dont USUALLY become true.
every1luvsboners 11
Never mind, you just changed your pic. I did see noodz for a brief second.
rocker135 0
Fortune cookie win!
JinxosGirl87 0
This is when you toss it aside and laugh at it
perdix 31
If you or your boyfriend are gullible enough to believe that fortune cookies have any predictive power, you probably should not reproduce.
Meowingtons500 18
Perdix wins again :D
leadman1989 16
You give off the to catch a predator vibe. Yup you're the Feds.
HeavyScout 0
¿Qué te gusta número treinta?
ikickgingers 15
Mine said "you will have head banging sex with strange man from FML" I knew it was bs. *throws it away* I kid, I kid.
perdix 31
Oh, no, Kicky, that's a TRUE one! They say, "A blind squirrel finds an acorn once in awhile." Sometimes, when you make a bunch of crazy, wild-ass predictions, some will come true. I'm doing tongue calisthenics in anticipation of making your cookie come true ;)
leadman1989 16
-_- Thanks FML now my previous comment makes no sense this is not where I tired to post it!
ikickgingers 15
I thought you were "drink" again.
perdix 31
Kicky, I wish I understood what that meant. Sounds hot ... I hope it is. If it's not, please lie to me and tell me that it is. I don't mind lies and fake orgasms. If you want to pretend I'm sending you to the moon while I am really boring you shitless, I'm OK with that.
ikickgingers 15
Haha the other day leadman replied to a Comment with something like "I thought that was funny but I am drink" It made me actually lol
ismellrealbad 0
You are wicked racist!!!!!!!!! if u change the letters in ikickgingers, it turns into ikicknig**rs. U Racist bag of lettuce