Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
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Top comments
UndeadMongrel 7
At least your dad is trying to be supportive, you should be appreciative.
your_ma 27
A bit awkward yeah but to be fair is heart is clearly in the right place and he's trying to be nice.. He could have been a horrible homophobic dick about it!
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Comments (214)
OhDearBetrayal 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
The only option now is to burn your ears and your eyes because heaven knows you're going to picture some nasty situations after that.
vadaaa 11
Sorry, but wouldn't OP still be able to imagine those "situations" if their eye and ears were cut off? It's not like they were born deaf and blind, and don't know what anything looks or sounds like. So they can still imagine it
OhDearBetrayal 25
Tis true, but it's a little difficult to remove your brain.
gracehi 33
If anyone tries to give me a lobotomy, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!
EsOSiQueEs 14
Well someone clearly removed yours..At least the common sense part of it anyway.
andyyroxx 20
Where are your sarcasm nodes?
stolencookie 17
Destroying your eyes and ears would only trap you in a lonely world where you are left with nothing BUT your imagination... The only way to get over it is to move on.
Jovecove 13
Sucking dicks must've run in the family
UndeadMongrel 7
At least your dad is trying to be supportive, you should be appreciative.
WolfieTheBadass 9
I say you deserve a cool supporting dad like that
Ray_of_midnight 23
Yeah, so much this. I turned out bisexual. I'm glad I waited until later in life to discover this, because if my dad had found out, he would have beaten the shit out of me, disowned me, and kicked me out of the house.
MoeT8979 8
I guess homosexuality IS hereditary
eksyneet 23
#152, at least try to prove your point. otherwise don't bring it up.
dorworters 9
homosexuality is NOT hereditary you ignorant prick. If it were, nobody would have a choice in it. And thats the entirety of what it is, a choice.
Feebyy 10
Much worse than 145's punishment? I don't think so...I feel bad for even calling it a punishment. You shouldn't be punished for your sexual orientation. Unless you're being sarcastic of course...
finnrambo 13
Therapy is pretty bad. They might try and "fix" you.
AKGirlinSD 20
Thank you, 2, for pointing that out. Most parents get irrational and say/do things that can make the curious person feel awful. OP's dad is incredibly supportive. He probably told his stories to OP so OP wouldn't feel alone or misunderstood.
AleyahRose123 6
I'm so sorry
xoxokelsey11 5
At least he's supportive!
boating_guy 33
^seriously, because think about it. it'd be wayyy worse if your dad (or both your parents) were homophobes.
Fishinaddict22 1
Alright alright alright, gonna learn today...
VannahJane 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was just a waste of a comment
Fishinaddict22 1
No one knows the reference apparently. It's from a Kevin Hart stand up. When did FML become so damn serious? If any one tries to make a joke anymore they get thumbed down or called insensitive. People come here to laugh, this isn't a therapy forum.
Bubbelz 25
Agreed. But... Are you sure abiut your last remark?
JustKittyKat 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh, I knew it was Kevin Hart. It still has nothing to do with the FML. Your comment comes off as (first, unoriginal) if he needs to learn a lesson for possibly being gay. That's wrong. Whether you mean well or not, the FML community dislikes comments such as the one above. No hard feelings.
Fishinaddict22 1
It wasn't meant as harmful or helpful. I wasn't insinuating he needs to "learn" (gay isn't something you learn). If you knew the reference then you wouldn't say it has nothing to do with the comment. It's the exact same situation, he found out his dad oral pleasured another man. The "original" comments have become nothing more than bad puns. I wasn't trying to be original, if I could then I would be a writer and not posting on FML. I apologize for the comment coming off wrong, don't want this becoming a discussion.
JenkJenks 6
I thought the comment was original as not many people quote comedians. Also, it pertained to the FML so it wasn't random or "a wasted comment". And it made me laugh which is why I come to this site, not to read about commenters trying to play therapist with random people's problems. So even as a small part of the FML community, don't speak for me cause I like the comment.
kakarot2 11
HEY HEY HEY!!!!!!!
MrsKitty 8
I thought it was funny, I got the reference and I believe it was appropriate. OP was trying to learn, got caught and then unfortunately learned about some information he didn't want to know. alright alright alright!
chris_butler01 1
Yes! Kevin hart!
jerzjay 17
Fishinaddict, I want you to know that I legit created an acct just to be able to say that I thiught it was funny as heck to use the Kevin hart reference. It has everything to do with the fml because Kevin jokes about his uncle sucking dick for money and then his dad comes in sayin alright alight alrightttt. Don't listen to these haters, your joke was accurate and funny
little_sailor 8
K's Uncle: "Oh lord it shoulda been me! I was the one sucking dick for money!" K's Grandma: "Suckin dick?! Oh!" *grandma fake faints* Kevin: "Somebody get grandma's lyin ass up out the church!"
hellryu 20
You obviously have no idea about what the FML community dislikes seeing as it's thumbed up and yours is thumbed down. Get a ******* sense of humor.
cukeeper1 12
Uhuh no the f*ck im not! Your gonna keep that lesson to yourself.
trivel64 16
So what about that airplane food?
norwegianboip 17
Epic quote!
your_ma 27
A bit awkward yeah but to be fair is heart is clearly in the right place and he's trying to be nice.. He could have been a horrible homophobic dick about it!
kinky44 28
Yes, he could have been terrified of gay people and been a dick. Homophobic does not mean unaccepting
obnum 19
Hehe homophobic dick... Get it? It's not really a pun, but it made me giggle.
IGaveRickUp 15
Um, so homosexuals are supposed to be grateful for acceptance. Wow thanks, YOU'RE LETTING ME EXIST.
SWC_Penguin 17
There are tons of kids out there who wish they had your dad!
SirCharles83 13
I'm not one of them.
PenguinBitch 44
Umm he said "kids". Unless you consider yourself a 29 year old kid.
lukep135 6
What kid wants a dad that has sucked dick???? They aren't even comfortable knowing that they have sex with their mom
yui9 4
I wish I could like this 1000 times
doctorhook86 25
108: I dunno about you, but my parents are virgins and I was delivered by a stork.
daniel_dd31 13
Wow that's a bit odd...
Shrike 24
Or bisexual? Or I dunno, just experimenting a lot more people than you'd like to think do?
Dracoboxer357 36
7 - My brother's gay and he's experimented with women before....does that make him straight by that logic? ;p
JustKittyKat 24
Sometimes it takes people years to figure out who they are. Some even go through stages of denial.
etchsanity1 11
Draco I'd say it makes him bi ;)
Rosicles 8
Or perhaps trying to fit into social norms before he discovered his sexuality.
Shrike 24
Oh look, 7 edited his comment. Ignorant idiots or ignorant idiots who don't even have the balls to stand by their beliefs... I'm not sure which is worse.
kishorekumar_a 10
51 - Well, that cleares that up. I was wondering why the replies don't match up with the post. Besides finding out your sexual orientation, there are also possibilities of change in sexual orientation.
doctorhook86 25
65: Fun fact: Sexual orientations are made up* (*socially constructed). People aren't really "straight" or "gay" or "bi", we just categorize them that way based on what they seem to like to do. This is the reason why some people seem so hard to categorize--the categories are actually bullshit.
thats_my_job 11
Oh and here I thought we were all *born* with our labels. Facepalm! /sarcasm
snivellus 6
categories/ labels aren't complete bullshit. they're only really bullshit when they're 1. misused 2. given to a person by a different person 3. used as an insult, or 4. used to section off certain groups for discrimination. But they can help people find groups of other people with common thoughts, interest, problems and concerns, to help deal with together and let people know they're not alone.
mimiminx 23
Your dad was probably trying to let you know he was ok with it all. Be grateful you have such an open minded father.
ns1985 15
I agree. And it can't be easy for a dad to come pick up his son found 'experimenting' by someone else's parents
yeti37 16
That visual, among other things, must have been tough to swallow....
icetea4life 5
I see what you did there.
Catkam623 27
This is how I see it -Dad receiving call: alright I'm cumming Thinking to himself- ok how do I say this without being a dick about it it would really suck if he started growing away from me, maybe ill sympathize say I've done the same
toaster012 17
Either way he seems pretty cool and accepts you! Not many parents are accepting right away.
debbster7 18
It could have been worse. Your dad could've shown you pictures of those experimenting days... Smh
fuzz97 23
why would he have pictures? and please don't say "omg it was just a joke" because it was a godawful joke