Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
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Top comments
UndeadMongrel 7
At least your dad is trying to be supportive, you should be appreciative.
your_ma 27
A bit awkward yeah but to be fair is heart is clearly in the right place and he's trying to be nice.. He could have been a horrible homophobic dick about it!
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Comments (214)
strayaway 12
That's when I would've said nooooo pineapples noooo!!! I don't wanna !!!
MakinMills 12
Tmi.
zerotik 0
bitches, grow up already— all your dads came inside your moms to make you. Face it, they're sexual beings too. AAAAA BRAIN BLEACH ******* *******. Btw my dad also confessed to me he experimented when I came out and I didn't freak out like a pussy.
zerotik 0
omgomgomg my dad has a penis aaaaa brain bleach #immaturepussies
jakeowns2 3
Ha gaaaaaaaayyy
lanicookie 8
Lol when I saw experimenting first I thought it meant drugs. Then I read the rest of it. :O
jbunzie 6
hahahaha sucks to suck
aloha31 6
At least he didn't like beat the shit out of you and make you join the military.. be grateful OP. your life doesn't suck
needsagf14 12
I really don't wanna know what you mean exactly when you say you were "experimenting"
fishielover1124 12
That must have been extremely awkward, but at least you're dad was being cool about it. You don't realize how lucky you are to have such an accepting parent :P