Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML
accountnamevalid tells us more.
It was a Greyhound, and I'd been up for 2 days. He didn't say a word to me about it. After I was told by the lady behind me, I apologized profusely, and he said "it's alright. I figured you must really need the sleep." Super nice guy, but I wanted to die.
Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML
Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML
Misshhh tells us more.
Misshhh 23
Hey guys! This is OP and let me tell you the whole story lol. This actually happened last year and usually I don't go out (social anxiety) my friends knew this, one of my best friends set me up with him and she said he was cool and "nice/trustworthy" I was hesitant to go because I didn't think it would go well.. I was right. We met up at the mall and hung out for a bit, talked, I was surprised I had a semi good time and saw him more as a friend. The only reason I asked if he could drive me home was because I didn't have any change for the bus and I was quite in a hurry to go home, he said sure and along the way he told me about some more of his interests and how he and his friends go "ghost hunting".. Of course I thought this was weird but I have a pretty open mind.. This is where he was getting creepy. He stopped at the pitch black road because apparently there was this tree where when girls stand beside this tree and a picture is taken, A man is seen standing next to her, he told me to get out of the car, he actually took my picture and then it seemed he had a phone call, he called me over to take my bag, and he drove off.. (Another car was behind him) thinking he would come back, I patiently waited, he never came back, I called this guy a bunch of times asking him what was going on and why he left me there.. All I got was his voicemail.. And then I got a text from his "friend" saying: "take a taxi home, we're at Burger King". I panicked and called the police, I broke down because of an anxiety attack, I had to walk a long dark path just to find a street where they could come find me, I explained my situation, I unfortunately didn't get his licence plate number. I guess the police felt a little bad for me and dropped me off home. I slept it off. When I got up the next morning he sent me a text with the following message: "hey! I had a great time last night! I sure did", I told him he was a psycho path and there was no way of a second date, he then responded with "awe I'm sorry baby.. Xoxoxoxo". Some people are truly messed up
Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML
Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML
Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML
Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML
Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." He then walked off. FML
Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML
Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my parked car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop, all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML
Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML
Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML
Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML
Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML
Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML
Today, a wasp flew into my car. In my frantic attempt to get away from it, I got pulled over and had to prove I was driving sober. FML
chaoticcupcake tells us more.
To all those asking, I am highly allergic to bees and wasps. When I discovered I was in an enclosed space with it, my mind wasn't thinking "pull over and let it out", but rather panic. When you're scared of something, the mind doesn't always make the most logical decisions. I ended up weaving on and off the shoulder and hadn't realized a cop had his lights on behind me until he sounded his siren. I quickly pulled over and got out of my car. I had to take a breathalyzer and passed, and after explaining my ordeal, the nice man helped me get the wasp out of my car. And to those who say roll the window down: Have you ever successfully tried to get an insect out of a moving vehicle via window? I've tried this on multiple occasions and I either can't get the damned thing to go near the window, or if I do, the wind knocks them back into my car. :/
Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML
accountnamevalid tells us more.
We had a very amicable divorce. I'll admit I laughed a bit, but waiting on that key cost me cab and bus fare, when I could have called the locksmith I'll have to call anyway.
Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML
Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML
Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML
Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML
Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML
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