NSFW

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 187

You deserved it 18 279

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 147

You deserved it 42 036

Birdwatching

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Spicy

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 675

You deserved it 5 316

If only…

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Spicy

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 555

You deserved it 9 062

To catch a perv'

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Spicy

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 510

You deserved it 12 026

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 945

You deserved it 10 333

TMI

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 7 098

Quick reflexes

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 516

You deserved it 5 343

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 51 117

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 472

You deserved it 2 737

Nice guys

By m - 22/08/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 049

You deserved it 5 896

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Spicy

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 432

You deserved it 43 678

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 5 922

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 226

You deserved it 2 382

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 190

You deserved it 2 681

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Spicy

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 7 412

Role play

By CantPublish - 12/04/2012 17:54 - United States - Modesto

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 21 950

Pissed

By banned - 09/03/2012 06:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 7 799

Unreasonable

By B - 04/02/2012 01:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 630

You deserved it 3 445

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 800

You deserved it 4 437

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 767

You deserved it 13 410

By Jane - 24/11/2011 13:57 - Australia

Spicy

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 899

You deserved it 6 244

Bad boy

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 490

You deserved it 4 861

Taste test

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 7 905

I just work here, dude

By OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 071

You deserved it 3 158

Shy girl

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 826

You deserved it 8 528

Wrong place

By anonymous - 05/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 721

You deserved it 74 174

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 435

You deserved it 15 762

Intense heat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 609

You deserved it 29 691

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 3 747

3
4
5
6
7
8

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Photography Mysterious Miscellaneous Neighbours Cute Relatable Family Love Sex Intimacy NSFW Ironic Mental health Embarrassing Haircut Money YouTube Wake up Messy DIY Awkward Cheating Pregnancy Kids Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting

The Top

The Top

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 639

You deserved it 11 489

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 054

You deserved it 5 053

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 044

You deserved it 40 354

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 022

You deserved it 30 055

Today, my mother called me while she was shopping to tell me that she found a unicorn onesie. When I asked her to buy one for me, she started to laugh and told me that they are for teens, not for "old goats" like me. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 671

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 1 106