Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
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Top comments
tnttse 6
Cockblocked by your shit. Classic.
CessOMG 3
I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.
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Comments (128)
CessOMG 3
I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.
Goldenchest 14
1 - Exactly how many times have you had to turn down a sexy time because because your intestines were bursting with the desire to unleash molten lava..?
mrnuleef 7
I thought i was the only one! Fyl
Trisha_aus 15
Disappointingly? You do know when your body releases said molten lava you're not going to feel good...I don't think anyone likes the blast..and I'm sure you'll get many other opportunities for some sexy time.
cloak057_fml 8
Nature calls
SenselessPattern 12
Never miss sexy time. Ever. Strike 1, OP.
klovemachine 24
Mother nature 1, OP 0 :(
thawny_fml 21
Welcome to the world of anxiety.
Prolux_fml 23
Well I guess it was better at home than in his pants :P
BADDiam 4
Shit happens..
NeedaLifeSoon 2
I hate when that happens. Better luck next time man. :)
Airman1988 9
Shit happens.....sorry couldn't resist people
jetsown08 21
*Waits for inevitable "That's shitty" comment*
domking1315 20
These jokes are shitty...
p3mguin 7
That's shitty
Unicorntails 7
Jeez, that sucks. Sorry, OP! Maybe next time.
NOOBSQUAD 0
Was I the only one who thought about borat right away?
justjazzmyn 3
yes. ^
BenL97 5
Jill is still available.
tnttse 6
Cockblocked by your shit. Classic.
cantthinkofshit 5
Haha my thoughts exactly
Blackmail111 9
It may be small but it sure is mighty!
pillowsarecomfy 2
At least you figured out you needed the bathroom before you got in bed with this girl. That would have been an FML on a completely different level.
tnttse 6
Double post.
Enslaved 38
At least it was done in the privacy of your own home! I fear public restrooms! :P
Danny0522 8
Amen to that.
Bluekaren16 19
So? OP could have flushed the toilet while he let out that tiny fart and nobody would suspect.
emilyjgraham 34
yes they would suspect something because they'd need to flush a second time...
puppytaco64 8
Le sexy time. Me Gusta
music_woman1 11
SHORT INTERLUDE.. Just came back from Portugal where me and my friends used "Me Gusta" against every stranger, not knowing if it was actually Spanish or Italian.. Good times :)
wild_n_out 8
They speak Portuguese there so it's not really that big a issue.
jetsown08 21
As Borat would say, "Very Nice!!"
misspulkadot24 17
The wording of this post is awesome. Would you rather be disappointed by a small shit, or explode in the middle of your date and be embarrassed? Better safe than sorry.
rsunshine2020 13
Well at least it wasn't in front of the girl... Then there would be no next time. Now at least, you might have a second chance. Just pretending you were playing hard to get.
rsunshine2020 13
*pretend
Calyx_fml 22
Unless she's into that.
citymayer 7
Oh god... GAG!!
perdix 31
That's what you get for following your gut instead of thinking with your dick. She might have been into scat, so your digestive problems could have been an ass-et. I foresee an epic mudslide in your near future. (it's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss and a win.)
WearingHats 14
Asset. That is some funny shit.