NSFW

That's wild

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 20:00 - India

Today, a colleague was telling me she still breastfeeds her 4 year-old son, and that she has breastfed kids of her neighbours too. She kept talking about it and I ended up staring at her ample breasts. She noticed and asked me if I wanted too. Now I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 299

Good question

By Anonymous - 17/10/2024 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, my six year-old son asked me, "Dad, what's a glory hole?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 139

Stiched up

By familyofpsychos - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 2 462

Rekt thread

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 06:00

Today, my son came home saying there had been a bad accident where two people died in a crash. This sounded terrible but he then said, "Yeah, I took pictures. Wanna see the bodies? They’re disgusting." Everyone in the house except me jumped up to look at those poor dead people. I raised savages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 155

Haunting

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 193

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 108

Speak out

By I tried - 27/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out that one of the students at my old school had committed suicide. Several months earlier, I'd informed the school counselor that said student appeared to be suicidal. Apparently, teachers dismissing her as "lazy" when she was actually very, very depressed was a big factor. Man, fuck that school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 90

What the hell is even that?!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Truckee

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 542

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Alvarado

Spicy

Today, I've been on a dating site for a while and I'd been doing great. Then I got really fucking drunk and sent messages like I wanted to eat their shit while it was coming out. One of them reported me and I got booted. I have decided to drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 1 165

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, as a gynecologist, I’ve spent years telling people to be safe during sex. I should have known better, but I let my vagina do the thinking for me in a moment of weakness, had a meaningless anonymous one night stand, and I'm now pregnant and positive for chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 927

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 20:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Spicy

Today, I found out that an annoying guy who had asked me out spread a nasty rumour after I stood him up. According to him, I not only showed up to our date, I also went home with him, had advanced sex with him, then in the morning when he woke up, I was having sex with his roommate. All our friends believe this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 367

Manipulation 101

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 00:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, my psycho sister came home. Why did she leave? To manipulate my parents to let her live here rent free. My mother built her a new bedroom, twice the size of my unit, so she can fuck my ex with privacy. She earns 4 times what I do, but doesn't have to pay rent. I own the house with mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 164

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 195

Small world

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my current boss took my fiancé's virginity back in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 107

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 16:00

Spicy

Today, I got home and saw my bed was made different and there was a wet spot on the sheets. It wasn’t until I sniffed it did I realise what it was. I’m now 99% certain my Mum and Dad had sex in my bed, and I'd sniffed their mixed up love juices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 145

Sex ed done right, sort of

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 941

Brain bleach

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, it's been three weeks since our 12 year-old son walked in on us having sex. Ever since then he’s treating his mom like she was the victim of some horrible crime and treats me like I should be in prison. He refuses to stop, even though we’ve both spoken to him about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 330

Don't dream it's over

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 04:00 - United States - Burleson

Spicy

Today, I was cockblocked by a machine. I'm in the hospital so I'm attached to the typical machines that monitor vitals, including heart rate. I fell asleep and had a sex dream which made my heart rate go up, which set off the beeping from the machine monitoring my vitals. Bam, I woke up, sex dream over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 242

Giggley McGiggle

By not sexy! - 01/01/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to surprise me with some "sexy" manscaping. When he took his clothes off, I immediately got drier than the Sahara desert. He was going for "porn star" but instead looked like a prepubescent kid, which immediately turned me off. He then got mad at me for “ruining the mood.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 441

Not like that!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, the universe smiled upon me and my longtime fantasy of seeing someone I know appear in an adult film finally came true. However, as a straight guy, I should have been more specific: I was hoping to see a woman I know appear in an adult film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 1 218

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 02:00 - Australia - Homebush

Spicy

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 941

Silver linings

By KANCHI - 02/06/2022 14:00 - India - Gurgaon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of great sex when he suddenly called out his ex's name. Just before I decided to yell at him and throw him out of my room, I realised he performed better when he yelled her name. So, I let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 763

So romantic

By Anonymous - 16/05/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, if I want to be sexually attracted to my wife, I need to be very drunk, but if I'm very drunk there's about a 2/3 chance I'll have whisky dick. Before you ask, we've been married over 40 years, so there's no point in divorcing, we've been together too long, so who else would want to shag us except each other? FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 414

Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started avoiding going down on me ever since he found an ingrowing hair down there. The only reason I have an ingrowing hair is because he didn’t like my pubes, and stopped having sex with me at all until I shaved it off, thus causing the ingrowing hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 383

Kittenblocked

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 515

Lonesome tonight?

By sad and ugly - 31/12/2021 04:58

Spicy

Today, I really want to punch whoever says women have no problem getting laid. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of another human, I actually considered hiring a male prostitute just so I can be in a man’s arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 427

Agony

By Ouch - 22/12/2021 22:59 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 220

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 284

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01

Spicy

Today, I found out I only exist because my parents hated each other. They both worked in the same office and despised each other, until they had a hate-fuck in a storeroom after a blazing argument, resulting in me. I exist due to sex fuelled by hatred and lust. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 217

Thanks for the pranks

By jellybeans - 21/03/2021 21:31

Spicy

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 711

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Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 290

You deserved it 21 774

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 4 935

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 170

You deserved it 3 381

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 630

You deserved it 5 656

Today, it’s my birthday. It’s 2:30 pm, and my parents are still sleeping while I watch television with my dog. I’ll probably also have dinner with my dog. Happy Birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 172

Today, I got a song stuck in my head and couldn't stop humming it, even during an important meeting. I didn't realise I was doing it until my boss stopped talking, looked at me, and said, "You OK over there Jim Morrison?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 747