Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why we never have sex anymore. He said, "Honestly, you lie there with your arms balled up against your chest, you don't moan or give any indication that you're enjoying things. It makes me really uncomfortable." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he’s no longer interested in sex with me, as he just can't be bothered. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML
Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the second time. He's really nice, but he's terrible in bed. He busted a nut 3 times before I could orgasm once, and he can't finger to make up for it. His foreplay is trash. I'm starting to lose feelings for him because of the lack of sexual satisfaction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I swear to the Mighty FML Deity, everyone who says "Dump him" gets my foot up their asses. What he did is called "communication" and it's vital to a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. I applaud him for actually having the balls to tell you. How else are you going to learn to stop acting like a corpse during sex?
eternalsunlight 5
So try a new position. Cowgirl should do the trick.
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Comments (201)
eternalsunlight 5
So try a new position. Cowgirl should do the trick.
tacozzbaby 5
I totally agree
Eorlas 31
Dooo it! The girls that just lay there are no fun
the_anti_hipster 7
Just laying there makes him feel like you're uninterested. If it were the opposite, wouldnt you get pretty insecure about your performance? Get involved, spice it up. Move! It's incredibly sexy to be with someone who is so getting pleasure--and actually acting like it.
shadowsorel 15
Or maybe even the doggy-style, because I highly doubt corpses can be on all fours.
The_F3rris 11
I get bored with one position too. Girls gotta take control of the reins sometime!
andrew6p 19
Pile-driver would do the trick too or the butterfly position would spice it up even more
Kn0wledge123 21
Wow OP, can't blame him. Roll your hips, climb on top, do cowgirl, when he hit it doggy style - throw that ass back, give him some head. Do something. You lame for just laying there.
Osito2011 9
Try moving your hips at least op. if you feel that you can't move your hips, take salsa or merengue lessons. Learn to move those hips, or just change positions.
kakkyman 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
or dress like a zombie.... because they arent technically dead.....infact: peopkle call them the UNDEAD lol
kay71095 9
If my boyfriend is on top and I move my hips, he tells me to stop because it messes up his "rhythm"
Gregory607 1
Your boyfriend is a jackass 172.
the_blind_wonder 1
If you lay there like a ******* course, he's going to think you are. Get into the ******* moment, you dumb, impersonal bitch!
crackpot1217 0
Bounce on him
Maraudera 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ha 69 up votes
imavelociraptor 6
This isn't reddit.
domking1315 20
You realize it doesnt stay like that right...
LiterOfCola 16
Ha 21 dislikes. Wait... 22... 23... 24...
rebel_belle1974 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
try **** it can spice up the bedroom fun
ohcheriecherie 20
I have a thing for punctuation. When my boyfriend and I are making sweet love by candlelight, he'll whisper in my ear, "The only thing I like better than having sex with you, is correcting comma use on the internet." I reply, "Very few people know how to properly use a semicolon; I know you know how." After some more of this talk, we both ****** instantly. True story.
Shadow6969 0
You, are a serious nerd, and I like that.
Rei_Ayanami 18
If #74 is 16 and regaling up with stories of sex... Is this a form of child pornography?
trivel64 16
Wow, so no one got the joke, huh?
pixiebubz 26
74, I'd totally do you. Whilst using correct grammar, of course.
jim_bolicious 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
tell him he sucks because he does nothing to you that would make you do more than just lay there
Gondile 4
You have obviously never had sex.
amandajlucas2015 2
And uve obviously never been a girl.. If the guy doesn't know how to work it right it's very easy just to lie there cuz its actually very boring.. Like a seesaw how long can u stay on that thing w out get bored lol
missababgaga 19
23- I agree with you on that one
unknown_user5566 27
23/25- If the guy isn't doing things just right, why not help him out a little bit? Women are generally harder to stimulate than men, and some guys need a little guidance. Of course it's going to be boring if you just lay there with sky-high expectations but no motivation to help the poor guy out. Now I'm not saying every guy will be a stud after your valiant attempts, but sheesh, at least try.
Airman1988 9
There are lots of women out there that assume that they can just lay there and do jack shit and that they are still just "amazing" but all you can do as the guy is try to get them more into it and actively involved and kinky etc. If she insists on sitting there like a coma patient,like some do, the guy will eventually get bored. It's not all just the man's job to make sex exciting
Airman1988 9
Not saying there aren't some guys out there who think goin all "jackhammer" makes them a sex god from too many pornos but there are too many girls who think their job is done by being a girl and dressing pretty
Silent_Thrill 17
#45- I completely agree with you! I've been with a girl who just lied there and it got boring quick. After trying to get her to do something like a new position where she would be doing something she told me she wasn't really into that... then it got frustrating... My point? Don't just lay there, or it'll get boring for the both of you. Sure it's okay to just sit back and just focus on enjoying the pleasure, but make sure your partner also has fun and pleasure!
kakkyman 4
Even if you don't wanna try a new position... make sure he has fun; you can play a game of I-spy whilst you have sex... that's always fun. Or you could just snore to piss him off.lol
FurryRocks 10
6-I got the reference in your bio
unknown_user5566 27
Can't really blame him. You're making him do all the work, and it probably seems like you're not enjoying yourself. Climb on top next time and actually MOVE. Should work out a lot better for you.
etoilenuit 15
Yea it is impulsive. so then maybe again it's his fault for not turning her on enough to get there.. Could be both their faults then and not just OPs...
doctorhook86 25
5: kyleekay, nice to see ya! 61: You sound suspiciously like someone who just lies there.
unknown_user5566 27
You as well, Doctor! Hope I didn't miss too terribly much while I was gone. 106- You are correct... communication is key in these situations.
DocBastard 40
I swear to the Mighty FML Deity, everyone who says "Dump him" gets my foot up their asses. What he did is called "communication" and it's vital to a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. I applaud him for actually having the balls to tell you. How else are you going to learn to stop acting like a corpse during sex?
unknown_user5566 27
In this case, the traditional "dump him/her" advice should go to OP's boyfriend. Terrible sex AND a girl who sucks at communication? Doesn't sound promising.
MrBond007_fml 6
Dump him...
gc327072 31
It's funny because his picture is a foot.
natameow 7
Omg you are a bitch like I bet you perform really well in bed you *****
unknown_user5566 27
21- Um... random. Was that brilliant insult meant for me?
DerrickJames 33
I am a DocBastard fan.
natameow 7
Yea it was. Are you a **** star or something? Maybe her boyfriend sucks at pleasuring her but I guess you have everything figure out about other peoples lives so you have the right to insult them and tell them what they're doing wrong
unknown_user5566 27
31- Shoo. You're scaring away all of the FML users who actually have a sense of humor. Quite honestly, I don't understand why you are taking my comments so personally. Did someone have a conversation similar to OP's recently, and she's feeling a little insecure? Hmm.
Niten120 7
Amen brother
Airman1988 9
88 because Noor carries special powers that extend beyond the formating rules of FML of course
imavelociraptor 6
If sex is such a "huge part" of a relationship, what am i supposed to do if i plan to remain abstinent until marriage?
Airman1988 9
my last comment didn't go in the right spot so it doesn't make sense
angylbane 3
Pretend it doesn't bother you when you marry someone that doesn't satisfy you sexually and then cheat on your spouse when you realize things aren't going to get any better?
chippa 24
Sounds to me like he is terrible at communicating if it took so much for OP to get that out of him. It shouldn't be a problem to talk about those things between partners.
leeh425 1
Say **** it an get laid
imavelociraptor 6
Why is sex all people care about? He didn't "satisfy" me so i'm gonna cheat on him with someone better. What happened to wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life because you love them and love being with him. I think you all need a reality check if what determines your potential marriage is how good they are in bed -____-
Judahsh 8
Your see-through foot?
Scoutman 5
Dump him. Bring it footboy
ZombieKitteh 8
agree with #7. just because you're on the bottom doesn't mean you don't have to contribute at all. Also you shouldn't always BE on the bottom
nahbean13 3
120 - He didn't say sex was a huge part of a relationship. He said COMMUNICATION was a vital part of a relationship, which is true of sexual relationships as well as abstinent relationships. Ergo,you should go not have sex with your partner and communicate well, and then once you're married, have sex and still communicate well.
cdncw 20
#7, Doc, as usual, you're exactly correct. Nothing is worse than a lack of communication in the bedroom. In my experience, women aren't nearly as "good" as they think they are - I blame guys. Especially the slightly more immature / desperate guys in their past, who were SO happy to receive ANY sexual attention they call every single encounter "the best ever"...
J15237 25
I agree. Communication is key and it is really hard to tell your love something is wrong or they aren't doing something you need.
MrBond007_fml 6
So... Move a little dip shit!
Virginia6810 16
31, if the boyfriend sucked at pleasuring her then maybe she needed to communicate it. Stop attacking kylee, she is saying nothing wrong.
Virginia6810 16
Wow, with comments being deleted and moderated in the mean time my comment made no sense...
unknown_user5566 27
Noor, I was a bit confused too, haha. I've been called some top-shelf names on this site, but I usually deserve it. Wasn't sure what to make of a completely random attack.
Palirose 22
In all honesty, all OP really needs to do is use her imagination and try new things. : he may very well end up dumping her eventually if se doesn't do something. After all sex is a big part of a relationship.
enormouselephant 15
Lots of people are saying she sucks at communication but she says she repeatedly asked what was wrong, she cared enough to be persistent. For all we know she's brand new to this and he's been at it awhile, and then the teacher job falls on his shoulders. The communication needs to be two ways.
FMLKitten 15
I'll just sit here and pretend I'm not confused at the fact that Noor is tenth commenter.
lawls79 14
I hate you even more Doc when you're right.
xalba 9
Well can you blame him? How would you feel if he just laid there while you did all the work... All the time. You need to stop being lazy and try new things. Bring out the freak in you, every man loves a freak in the bed.
amandajlucas2015 2
Ya that's my bf he just lays there n then I get bored on top n stop n am like I'm bored lol meanwhile when he's on top it's completely different I make him feel like he's doin an awesome job and it's never boring.. That's ok I don't get on top that much too bad for him
MyPetNinja 14
You're missing a shitload of punctuation in that comment. Not that it'd make it any better, but still.
unknown_user5566 27
50- I'm more concerned about the random love-life lowdown than I am about the punctuation.
xalba 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
52- your on top of it tonight lol, and I agree. Shitty sex, is a shitty life. Hope I never get to that point.
ohcheriecherie 20
57- missed the point completely, and also you're*
chanlove 1
Reversed cowgirl! Spice it up girl! It'll be more fun for the both of you :)
bjoernabee 1
Its funny, cause you're 17
unknown_user5566 27
Because we all know 17 year olds are abstinent, right? Her age is irrelevant, her advice was solid.
Krajjan 9
I suggest a Vietnamese Shame Wheel.
laurbear12 3
Reverse cowgirl is where it's at! It's my boyfriend's favorite position, so I end up doing it almost every time. Have some fun! That's what sex is all about ;)
ElatedEarthling 15
This is just your boyfriend trying to be open and communicate with you. At least you have that kind of boyfriend, most people don't. Take this as a learning opportunity for the sake of your sex life.