Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML
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Top comments
JFurr 9
He's just nervous in his own skin around your parents. So he tried taking it off.
SovietBarney 8
He must have been attacked by one of those vicious cougars, if you catch my drift.
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Comments (104)
Sandman578737 0
Those are the panic scratch marks of the adolescent raccoon- scrubs
Oreohugzpenny 4
Does he have a cat? They might be a cats
Harpy20 24
What a douche. He had some nerve to sport that shit in front of your family too. FYL. I would call him out on the spot in front of everyone and ditch him at the beach.
adamsimpsona 4
Nice thread jacking fag
xoconnie 8
or maybe OPs boyfriend is the same guy from the FML with the cat that attacks him if he doesnt let it sleep on his pillow! :O
zack11742 7
Haha 1 that made my day
reddawn1985 12
Or the raccoon in family guy that attracted peter when they where in witness protection
newbiehere99 6
Maybe he didn't let the cat sleep on his pillow too ...
downtime 13
40, Or you could go the stable route and ask him about them to avoid having yourself dumped and ridiculed if it turns out to be something completely innocent. You know what they say about not burning bridges, right?
Harpy20 24
Because scratches on the back from sex can be confused with so many other things... /sarcasm
vuragado 10
Harpy your stupid. God.
JFurr 9
He's just nervous in his own skin around your parents. So he tried taking it off.
shelbyj 6
AVA, ftw!
SofiaFaolan 8
Best comment yet
Mademoiselle_fml 34
Maybe he has a very rough back scratcher?
awagh666 14
Yeah, he's 6'3", 250 lbs and is named Jamaal
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Actually, I heard that Jamaal was the gentle one...
brendenac 4
I bet she is. Lol
TG_Wolf 1
Judging by OP's reaction I presume he doesn't own any pets. If he had a cat then he might have an excuse, a dog could mean something kinky >_> In any case, pull him aside and confront him. Since he seems to like it rough maybe you could indulge him, eh? >:}
whosindahouse 9
He could have gone to someone else's house like a friend or family that has a pet and he got scratched there. Just maybe...
Shrike 24
Yeah, but what are the chances of him innocently being topless at someone else's house, and having a pet suddenly go feral and attack his back of all places?
missamazinggg 12
You can have a shirt on and still have horrible scratches from a cat.
NanillaVipples 2
Or maybe... he cheated on OP!
SovietBarney 8
He must have been attacked by one of those vicious cougars, if you catch my drift.
olpally 33
I catch your drift... I love being attacked by cougars ;)
Macrid 3
So you also know mah man Dunkey?
awagh666 14
Yeah, he's 6'3", 250 lbs and is named Jamaal
hockeyoceancity 13
I love your profile picture it fits what you're feeling right now haha.
Sinsation 7
This FML is phrased so oddly. Sounds like it's trying too hard to be an FML.
Zomg_Okay 27
It's just because the OP didn't break it up into multiple sentences, choosing instead to write one long one that becomes confusing because of its length.
VeganVampyre 27
See, I was thinking it was the horrible grammar in the first sentence... But hey, what do I know?
music_woman1 11
Stop jumping to conclusions, there could easily be an innocent explanation for this
TarieBoo 2
But it's on FML so we're kinda hoping it's not
DollyDope 17
Its not too innocent but perhaps he was on opiates, prescribed or not, and scratched himself too hard. It's happened to me.
DustyStorm 16
Lotsa doubt here
CharliesCool2084 8
There could be a lot of explanations for that.
doctorhook86 25
When I was 15 I had "scratch marks" that no one gave me all over my back; I asked a doctor about it, and learned they were actually just stretch marks from an adolescent growth spurt.
Fmlsea 28
there's a difference between stretch marks and scratch marks .
doctorhook86 25
35: Swear to God, they looked exactly like scratches from sex.
dacuar 0
Your a liar