Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML
Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML
Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML
Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML
Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML
Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML
Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML
Wolf6661 tells us more.
Wolf6661 22
OP here, to fill in the gaps the little girl was about 8 maybe 9 and the parents did try and stop her but it wasn't working, so I felt they needed a hand. To answer the questions of how she reacted, well after she poked and prodded my "dead body", let's just say my ears are still ringing from her shrill little scream of outrage at my "death". Alright well have a nice day y'all taco taco burrito.
Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML
Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML
Today, after a lot of complaints from other members, I told an old lady at the gym I work at that she couldn't sit in the sauna naked. She responded by grabbing her boobs and shaking them in my face. I don't get paid enough for this. FML
rapunzel3416 tells us more.
rapunzel3416 28
Yay! This is mine. So more back story her and her husband both have dementia so they often get lost wondering around or lose each other. Her husband is the sweetest old man and she is very cranky and rude. It was an awkward situation and she's been told not to walk around naked because it's a family facility and she often wears nothing but a small towel to walk around the pool deck as well. Can't blame her too much because at her age most people just don't care anymore. Also we have a sign that specifically states to wear clothes in the sauna.
Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML
NordicNathan tells us more.
NordicNathan 14
Hey, I'm the author of the FML. So to clarify I just turned 16, she just turned 17 and is in the 12th grade. I've had my doubts about our relationship for a while because of how incompatible we are as people, but her talking about what she wants to name our kids and how cute they will be was kind of the last straw for me. She said "I love you" after our second time seeing each other and after she had already cheated on me, so I definitely hear all the comments about telling her my concerns and/or breaking up with her. But she cries at the drop of a hat and is what I would consider emotionally unstable, this is also the reason I didn't break up with her after she cheated on me. I wasn't raised to make people cry so I tried to be understanding in the situation. She is so bad that she is still crying about her previous boyfriend while telling me that I'm the best boyfriend ever. So I don't know how to break it to her without crushing her. Any ideas?
Today, it's White Day, a tradition in Japan where men buy gifts for women. A coworker walks in with gifts, hands them out to the local women, explains the holiday to a new guy, and walks out. I'm the only person in our office who didn't get a Valentine's Day or White Day gift. FML
sakat38 tells us more.
sakat38 10
OP here. Idk how to get the op tag. I'm an American in Japan. I wasn't expecting a gift and really didn't care about today being White day until the coworker, an American who overseas everyone, came into our office and handed out gifts in front of everyone. Then because one of the Americans in our office didn't know what white day was, he explained that out of all the Americans sitting there, I would have been the only one to get a gift on White Day because I'm the only female, then walked out of the office. I think it's just the hormones that are causing this to be bigger then it should be. I've never cared about Valentine's Day before. I did buy my own chocolate when I got off work.
Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML
Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted by the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML
Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML
buttercup92 tells us more.
buttercup92 23
Hi! I'm the OP. I did pay for the dress, and after talking to the store they are replacing he dress free of charge. Apparently this has happened several times. You would think that they would start making sure you're the person supposed to be picking up the dress. The bride has apologized for her mom. (I think the mom should apologize not the bride) Right now she's not talking to her mom. As for why she doesn't like me, I have no idea. She's always been so nice to me until this incident. Luckily the wedding isn't until July so we have time. Sorry for the long reply! Thanks everyone!
Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML
Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML
Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
Today, for my birthday, my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML
Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML
Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML
Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML
Today, an attention-seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding without bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo." It went on for around half an hour. FML
Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML
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