Today, I was laid off from the job I'd had for two years. They couldn't even manage to spell my name or the company's name right on the severance letter. Guess I was a memorable employee. FML
Amelia Gazso tells us more.
Op here! Unfortunately it was very real, 5 others were laid off as well. Let's just say the "HR" department consists of one person not even qualified for the job, so it wasn't a surprise they couldn't even get a layoff right. On a positive note I already have a new job lined up and the terrible company will probably be bankrupt soon.
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML
Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML
Today, I found out the "free" protein bars at my gym are actually for a fundraiser for children's cancer. I've been taking one every day for the past two weeks. FML
Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML
Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML
Today, a child complimented me by telling me that I look like a potato. The good kind of potato. FML
TeaRex__ tells us more.
Hi OP here, I don't know why it's showing me as male, I'm very much a female, a potato female apparently.. But I'll just add a bit more context to a very random situation, the kid who said it is one of my pupils (12 years old), she often says her random thought out loude, although this is one of the most random things she's ever said to me. She couldn't tell what kind of potato is the good kind, just that I looked like it. Some of the suggestions in the comments here is absolutely hilarious and great possible candidates for the good looking potato.
Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML
Today, I decided to take a relaxing bubble bath in my jacuzzi. I poured in the bubbles, turned on the jets, and got in. I realized too late that the jets had caused the bubbles to overflow and had made a huge mess in my bathroom. Relaxing, indeed. FML
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML
Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML
Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend texted my dad, letting him know they'd got married a few weeks ago. This wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't driven 6 hours to see them yesterday to celebrate their engagement and discuss potential wedding plans, while they went along with it. They even suggested dates. FML
NewUsername tells us more.
NewUsername 26
Hey, OP here. I'm a girl, so why FML listed me as a guy...I have no idea. Anyway, I'm here to clear some things up. Why we drove so far to see them was because we're both in college and we don't get to see my parents or each other often. My parents and I went out there to celebrate their engagment because we probably won't be able to see them until maybe July, and they had already been engaged a month before we drove there to buy them dinner in March. It didn't bother us so much that they got married without telling us, it's that they lied and egged us on, and had his wife tell my dad through text. They promised they are going to have a ceremony sometime in the next 5 years, but they asked us not to tell the rest of they family they're already married. So now, we're lying to the rest of our excited, curious family. We weren't there to plan anything, the topic just came up during dinner, since well, we were celebrating an engagement. We figured they married for financial aid and tax purposes (given they're both in college and are barely getting by) which is fine by us. They had already been living together for a few years and moved across the state together, so it's not like them eloping was unexpected. We just don't know why they felt they had to lie when they had the chance to discreetly pull one of us to the side and tell us in person the day before. Sorry for the book, but I hope that clears some things up!
Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML
Today, my best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I had to decline because the bride's family has deep prison gang ties and I'm a correctional officer. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML
Today, I found out that we're supposed to get 3 feet of snow, and the person who plows our driveway is out of town. We're stranded on a huge hill. FML
Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML
Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML
Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML
Today, I spent $300 just to find out my dog likes to drink a lot of water and then pee everywhere. FML
Morigyn tells us more.
Morigyn 9
This one's mine! Kind of weird to see it here. Anyway, the vet did several (pricey) tests to find out why my dog drinks so much and pees everywhere. The title pretty much nailed it, he's an asshole.
Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML
Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
