Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML
Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML
Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML
Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML
Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML
Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML
Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML
Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML
Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML
Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML
Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML
Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML
Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML
Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML
Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML
Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML
Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single, and jobless. FML
Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
