Today, I was attacked by a bird at three in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and it decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when a pigeon flew into my head and got caught in my hair. To make matters worse, a group of kids thought it was hilarious and started filming me with their phones while I screamed in terror. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word.
zingline89 18
I'm talon you, show me some pics and owl believe you.
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Comments (143)
bigbadtim 7
Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word.
chillyCholo 5
Were you in a tree house or what?
deviable 9
For some reason if someone asks you "what happened", and you say "you wouldn't believe me if I told you", then people are more likely to believe you. At least, that's how it's been for me.
Meowingtons500 18
They think OP is full of crow. ;D
ryry013 6
I still wouldn't believe you, with or without stitches, if you said you were attacked by a bird at 3AM
nibzbreazy 2
HAHA. well said. have you heard..? about the bird?
Pixxio_O 11
a) Close your window or b) Stop sleeping in a frigging tree.
tygerarmy 35
I wish I could've seen it, it sounds like a hoot!
nublets 12
Angry birds in real life, god save us
hope540 0
Pero like... you act like thats the worst part... you forget thats going to scar across your face and you're going to look hella weird.
lrgenesis 19
Woo i modded this! Fyl
theaws0m3guy 4
We all know you just tripped over a rock...
taco_bender 12
That or girl scouts beat your ass for not buying cookies and you lied about everything
CadillacPimpen 6
Only Mexicans say hella lol
EmilyShmemily496 0
......what were you doing out at 3 am?
lolipop1234_fml 7
Thank you 1 i now have that song stuck in my head.
fidoyal 12
he was sleep walking and dreaming of birds
Strafeh 9
Ouch.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Bird: "save me human!!!". You: "...the ****?!". Owl: "om nom nom".
cIickhere 5
Angry birds!!!!
Furrywhiplash 14
Since Angry Birds came up, just be happy it wasn't one of the exploding black ones.
ladyLALAA 29
I hate birds, dirty nasty things they are. They can peck, swoop AND shit on your head!
ingernh 4
Please, admit it.. You like rough sex ;)
Phil135 4
Okay, maybe a little... Teehee ;)
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Rough as in no lube? Cause ****** burn hurts way more than rug burn.
NoLongerExists 11
what would you know of ****** burns? o____o
aisthecoolest 8
This is awkward
Furrywhiplash 14
"you don't always have to **** her hard, in fact sometimes thats not right to do. Sometimes you've got to make some love, and ******* give her some smooches too."
Branflakes78 13
54 why you have a pic with OJ Simpson?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Did you have the window open or something? Who has a window open at 3 am in January? Unless you're in Australia or something. Ouch!
elidine 0
Lol ^^ burn
illoveyouu435 0
the fml might not have been moderated till recently and the fml might be old. just a thought... forgive me if im wrong.
rubberduckie94 13
It's been an unseasonably warm winter. I had my window open just the other day and I live in Kentucky.
eigelste 0
I wanna know where you were at 3 am for this to happen. . . The forest at 3 am ? Really?
MrSassypants 34
Yeah, birds and owls only live in the forest. What OP didn't say was about the lions, cheetah, and orange hippos attacking him. He just didn't add them because it would be declined for being unbelievable.
Llama_Face89 34
It WAS a full moon last night....
brunomars09 3
We're currently in February :P Fail.
grapisy 8
I go for walks in the forest at 3 am all the time... I mean, when else would you go to hide the bodies?
grapisy 8
I go for walks in the forest at 3 am all the time... I mean, when else would you go to hide the bodies?
chubby_choco 17
Uh...have you never heard of burrowing or barn owls? Plenty of those in the desert, swooping around at 3 AM.
Furrywhiplash 14
I've had an owl swoop in front of my car (high enough so I wouldn't hit it) in the middle of downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. So I'm pretty sure that the location of the FML is irrelevant, just so long as temperature permits an owl to inhabit that area.
rubberduckie94 13
First I used to walk in the woods all the time in middle of the night. Second not everybody lives in towns or cities. Where I live we have owls, coyotes, and other critters around our house all the time. Birds are skittish creatures. I would believe you op, I would laugh, but I would believe you.
eigelste 0
I never said I didn't believe him I just wanna know what he was doing you people are reading to deep into my comment I think, so stop trying to be cool and act all smart cause your not your just a hmmmm over thinker
grmnxsensati0n 4
just tell them that niqqas b trippin
perdix 31
Don't go out in the birdy bird world, if you can't handle the violence. You're definitely not ready for the doggy dog world, but maybe you can toughen up by delving into the hamstery hamster would. Learn a bit o the ol rodent ultraviolence from me droogs, Alex, Petey and Dim.
deviable 9
Isn't it dog-eat-dog, not doggy dog?
emba_fml 13
Yes...it is, in fact, "dog-eat-dog."
perdix 31
Yes, I know. If you recalled my comment in the cannibalistic hamster FML, you'd have seen that I addressed that issue. You'd better work harder if you expect a good grade in perdix Studies;)
quite_bored 9
Oh, Perdix. You're slipping...
Petronix 5
Clockwork Orange ftw. I'm going to head over to Korova. Meet you there Perdix?
ShyAnn29 15
Perdix, not everyone is as smart as you, and is going to remember each and every comment here on FML
Pentium_4 27
perdix isn't slipping. his comments are always fun to read. and if you can figure out his references, you can give yourself a pat on the back
perdix 31
Haha, ShyAnn, I don't remember ALL of my comments. The "hamstery hamster" one from a few days ago tickled me. I thought birdy bird would keep the theme going.
JiggaJayZ 16
Perdix never does shit by accident people... C'mon now
ShyAnn29 15
Perdix, hamstery hamster is pretty funny!
zingline89 18
I'm talon you, show me some pics and owl believe you.
Phil135 4
Yes.
desireev 18
Win
philitron128 0
That was very punny of you
weasel123 9
Maybe that's why most people usually aren't out and about at 3 in the morning. Those birds are vicious!
perdix 31
Spoken like a true weasel.
weasel123 9
Why, thank you.... I think.
Furrywhiplash 14
It isn't just birds we need to look out for. Once while walking down my driveway, an acorn smacked me on the side of the head. I look over, and there is a squirrel just chilling there staring me down.
JoeLouisBomber 9
Pics or gtfo