Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML
Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Hey, while he's there have him work for his stay- he can live there and you don't have to do laundry or dishes! It's a win-win situation!
ninjuh_wingman 29
You know your house is messy when a hobo believes that theres no way someone would live in it.
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Comments (61)
eminemop 0
Hey, while he's there have him work for his stay- he can live there and you don't have to do laundry or dishes! It's a win-win situation!
ladyLALAA 29
Funny you say that, we have a girl who sleeps on our couch/loungeroom floor and she cooks/cleans for board. She messed up spaghetti out of the jar so now she just cleans.
Nightvenom 0
It's time to clean house. Literally and figuratively. Give the man an ultimatum! Either he can stay in your home for the time being or he take what's left in the trashcan and GTFO. Don't forget to wish him well in his decision he chooses
_Oblivion_ 12
If a freaking homeless man can break into your house, you've got a problem.
Fuzzbump 5
Clean up your house!
Miss_Kristen 10
You need to be on Hoarders...
LookOnBrightSide 12
This might be one of the rare times when having OCD might actually help you out in life.
EduJav321 24
When a hobo tells you your house is run down, it must be REALLY messed up
ibv123_fml 3
^wow didnt think about that, thats hilarious
syki 22
He crawled into bed with you after, didn't he? Free shelter, warmth, *and* a free bitch - what more could a man ask for?
hilary56 0
1. This is "bitch" is a guy 2. You are sick
LookOnBrightSide 12
4-OP's a male, you idiot!
conqueror57 11
You think this homeless guy has so many dates line up that he can be picky over something as insignificant as gender??
lizard399 0
Just want to point out to you that your comment is irrelevant, seeing as though you don't know what a man is. A "man" would never refer to a lady as a "bitch". Plus you didn't even check the gender before you commented.
ladyLALAA 29
24, all the comments are irrelevant, it's the Internet! :)
lizard399 0
Well, more so when you're a sexiest fool.
lizard399 0
Sexest? Sexiest? Sex..est..? I can't figure out how to spell it because I've never had to before.. Just thought I'd put that out there before a pack of wolves corrected my spelling.
syki 22
Guys. *Guys.* *I'm* female and I'm well aware of OP's gender. That was sort of the point of the joke.
NoLongerExists 11
I think you're looking for *sexist* :) sexiest would be "the most sexy" so... I don't think so, lol
ninjuh_wingman 29
You know your house is messy when a hobo believes that theres no way someone would live in it.
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
Uh that would have been awkward.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
You don't say?
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
I do say (:
onlychildFTW 34
Time for a paint. Or maybe do some yard work on a day off.
IchimaruGin 5
Clean and fix the house? Why not just stick a sign in the front yard stating your house is still a place of residence? Hey, less work, same effect.
AugustBurnsToast 14
I think...yeah I think he did you a favor.
borkchop1992 15
Now you have a room-mate who wont be paying any of the bills. Nicee
music_woman1 11
That's something you never want to hear a homeless guy say to you.