Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I was talking to my wife about the pie she'd made and she was really leaning on the need to be reassured, so I said, "It was real good Mom." FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML
Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML
Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML
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Top comments
Amberrae23 2
Guess her diet didnt last long.
DocBastard 40
I don't mean to sound pieous, but I'm just pudding this in perspective for you. Don't s-cream at her or act like a tart or make a snappy retorte. Give her her just desserts and simply tell her no. She can't have her cake and eat it too!
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Comments (89)
Amberrae23 2
Guess her diet didnt last long.
Akai_fml 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She's your mother, so you ostensibly know her well enough to know she'll act like this. YDI for getting her the pie in the first place.
EpicSquishii 21
"Your mom is a fickle bitch. You should know not to be kind to her. You deserve her attitude because you did something nice for her." Yeah.... I don't agree with you there.
happyspencer 4
Hey fml fuckkkk youuu this site is fuckingg gay ban me please I dont give a **** **** you all your stupid with your stupid ******* rules and your bullshit everything else **** you and bizarre you''re a ******* faggoty dyke **** youuuu
hartdocta 2
If you're smokin hot, I'll kick a few bucks your way to cover the pies.. You're welcome!
capper44 18
#39 - LoL same here, he deserve it lol
Bagel09 11
Pie is a lie
TOXICxANARCHIST 0
Nice diet.
boofgall 16
Op, your mom sounds kinda like a bitch.
Autobot93 10
Yea no chizz Sherlock
paiken21 0
Well did you get her another one?
bitchslapped22 14
Why do people insist on making these comments if they have nothing better to say?
kiss_1214 17
Well I think it's funny
BrotherTheo 31
Get a Sugar Free one. They DO have em.
melons 44
I suspect the buttery pastry would be more calorific than the sugar content.
perdix 31
She's fighting you financially, you diet saboteur! Love your nickname, OP -- I would have gone with more sig figs, but I like the idea!
happyspencer 4
Give her a vegetable pie
EduJav321 24
Or a mud pie
silentbutfunny 0
What kind og vegetable pie is there? Broccoli pie?
teague95 16
Shepard's Pie. technically it has the word pie in it
sparkrok 8
cow pie!
Random017 7
Unless you live with her, just tell her that you respect her diet too much to buy her another pie.
DocBastard 40
I don't mean to sound pieous, but I'm just pudding this in perspective for you. Don't s-cream at her or act like a tart or make a snappy retorte. Give her her just desserts and simply tell her no. She can't have her cake and eat it too!
hotPinklipstick 24
This has to be one of the best comments I've seen in a while ;)
miz_kamakazi 11
I see what you did there! Very, very creative! You never disappoint Doc!
silentbutfunny 0
Double have.
bizarre_ftw 22
*bows to the master*
happyspencer 4
Bizarre I really like your comments, so please keep posting, girl. You're really pretty, too, though don't read too much into that; I like dick, so I'm kind of an unreliable source. Anyways, just ignore me. I've been called a real weirdo before, and frankly, I agree with that assessment. Tee-hee. :3
DocBastard 40
Happyspencer - What the hell did I just read?
The_Troller 14
I think 71 just got trolled by a mod.
DaleksAreEpic 0
Your comment was the creme de la creme. Doughn't ever change, Docbastard.
TheLadyOpal 30
Tell her to walk to the store and get her own damn pie. It's good exercise.