Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
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Top comments
NiiTeH 7
The best way to greet a patient.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Theres no way that couldve been awkward.
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Comments (80)
NiiTeH 7
The best way to greet a patient.
Miss_Kristen 10
OP is a Socially Awkward Penguin
MrsPegg 45
Hopefully OP's supervisor has a playful and understanding personality (and hopefully so does the patient)! That would really suck though!
LookOnBrightSide 12
1-OP tried breaking any barriers between the patient and her by getting to the straight talk. Gotta respect OP in this case. Building a bond between patients and medical professionals is key, especially when it comes to taking a shit.
Nightvenom 0
The best way to greet a patient? Hmmm..... That would have to be with a shitty smile while assuming the position for your demonstration. Make sure to go into great detail about how to take a proper shit when you're sitting on a toilet
lizard399 0
Help me take a shit? Nurse, how will this help my sprained ankle?
shanemaximo 7
Straight to the point. I like that. The patient was probably like: "Party time."
Forlorn420 9
Ur name is Jan?..
iluvhobos 5
If I were that patient though, I would laugh and feel much more comfortable with her after that.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Theres no way that couldve been awkward.
yahoowizard 16
Exactly. The patient just looked at OP afterwards with a straight face, and without missing a beat, said "Alright, let's get right to it
lizard399 0
"I push, you pull"
EmreArslan 11
XD in dutch i find it funnier ^^
iPeterPan 8
That's a crap way to start a sentence.
Nightvenom 0
That's a " crappy" way to start off the visit You forgot the py sorry yo had to nazi you
Blazingcrono 6
You forgot a period at the end of your fixed sentence...Also: "You forgot the "py." Sorry yo, had to nazi you." Seriously, if any of you fixate on others' posts, at least be correct with yours.
Nightvenom 0
Hey man I was just trying to be helpful not a douche (period)
Nightvenom 0
.
Nightvenom 0
Furthermore, you are being a punctuation nazi not a grammar nazi. I.E. Focusing on punctuation and not the grammar. When your going to correct a grammar nazi aficionado make sure you label them properly. We hate people who mislabel us(period)
Blazingcrono 6
Since when is punctuation not considered part of grammar?
Blazingcrono 6
Also, since when is helpful and not being a douche include, "sorry yo had to nazi you"? Can someone say "contradiction"?
Nightvenom 0
When grammar refers to the proper spelling of words. And when punctuation refers to showing people the way a sentence is being said and when you end(.) and when you start a new sentence. Come on you learn this in.... What? Fourth grade!
chocolemonade 6
No, SPELLING refers to proper spelling of words, grammar refers to tenses, cases, and PUNCTUATION among other things
Nightvenom 0
Thank you for clarifying the definitions
Dekarian 7
44-Actually, spelling refers to the spelling of words. Grammar refers to the syntax and punctuation of sentences and paragraphs. EDIT: I see 47 beat me to it.
Nightvenom 0
I have opened the gates of the nazi camp and they are charging out in full force. Lmao! Amazing.
Blazingcrono 6
Are you being serious or trolling at this point? You say that you're a grammar nazi, but you don't know what grammar is? Come dude, you're 18; either in college or will be going and you're seriously telling me that you don't know what grammar is? Also, you missed another period.
Nightvenom 0
If I could, I would edit my posts. My iPod won't let me for some reason.
Nightvenom 0
And my profile pic says it all calm down I'm just human error are ever present
Blazingcrono 6
"And my profile pic(ture) says it all: calm down. I'm just human, error(s) are ever present." Errors are present yes, but if you allow yourself to fix the mistakes of others, you likewise let others fix you. "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." Last post mods, I'm done here.
lizard399 0
*rewinds time* Dearest lizard399, Do not click the replies for comment 3. It's a completely pointless thread that you'll end up reading just to get to the next comment. You'll even end up commenting it on it...
MasterMuffinMan 7
29- In British English, 'crap' is a perfectly valid adjective. For instance, the statement 'your crap understanding of language variation saddens me' would be both grammatical and true.
jibz 6
Nightvenom bro. Were you dropped on your head as an infant?
iPeterPan 8
Calm the **** down. -.-
mccaincracker 6
Wow fail grammar nazi is fail. Most entertaining conversation I've read on here in awhile.
Link5794 18
Nightvenom, you are not human. Your profile picture explains that. You are clearly a small primate.
shanemaximo 7
^ You are digging yourself into a very deep hole with a grammar shovel.
shanemaximo 7
29 that is, not 87. Although I believe that is a marsupial not a primate.
drewfus2 6
53- You forgot another period. 55- You forgot to capitalize "If".
tiberhit 6
How did I end up reading all of this? It's like getting stuck in the weird part of youTube :s
TheGothGamerGirl 20
Reading all this made me forget what the FML was about.
Justin23L 2
Nightvenom - stop.
extrasnipes 22
End*
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
Straight honesty is always better.
mmmcoopers 13
Tell it like it is.
MariJ82 14
Strait and to the point. I don't see a problem.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
Straight*
emba_fml 13
Lolol why is this weiner talking about straits?
Epsilonyx 15
MAYBE SHE JUST REALLY LIKES CHANNELS OF WATER UGH GOD
CryMoreFMLs 15
I know I do. Nothing is as fantastic as going really fast in a boat in a straight line in a strait. I have alot of "as" and "in a"'s in this sentence...
YourFriendSky 0
A lot** Gah. So many people spell that wrong. -_-
heyyitsbeezyyy 0
how did this get published but mine didn't? this is just your own stupidity, OP. I don't even know how you would say that unless you were actually trying to, in hopes of sounding funny. this is not even worth being on here, tbh.
iPeterPan 8
Calm yo' ****. Mine didn't get posted either, you just gotta' deal with it.
tanneriscool 2
7 - jesus Christ.. You are extremely jealous.
ladyLALAA 29
Nobody cares what you think, tbh!
sakurose 9
Hey at least there's no long akward explanations about it!
steviesnm 6
"Hello, I'm Craig, I need assistance taking a shit."
kksilvey23 0
Well that stinks.
DrFanatica 0
Nice attempt. I give you an "A" for effort. But still a thumbs down.
yummy_richkid 3
What a shitty comment.