Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons, and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song that he'd written himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life… if I knew who he was. FML
Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML
Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML
Iloverainbows10 tells us more.
He wasnt always like this. Used to listen and talk. Now hands are just being thrown up in the air. Says he doesnt know how to handle fights.
Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML
Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML
Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML
Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML
MzZombicidal tells us more.
This actually happened a couple months ago, but I'm currently very happy with my new job (I work as a sales associate for my local grocery store, if you're wondering). I WAS very happy for my friend but I couldn't help but to be irritated at her luck of continuously quitting and finding jobs with ease (She works with elderly people). I had been near the breaking point when I finally got the job. My best friend, however, has continuously quit jobs and gotten new ones in no time. We obviously work in different fields and, even though I seemed jealous, I was very happy to hear she was able to land on her feet after quitting her job. We joke about it now and she apologized if she seemed rude and all is fine. :) I love the people I work with and am getting good pay. Win win! We're both happy with our current positions and things couldn't be better!
Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML
Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML
NRFTW tells us more.
NRFTW 8
A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the **** off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."
Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML
Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML
Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML
Jen_NM tells us more.
Jen_NM 8
Thanks for all the comments, I've enjoyed reading them. Just for a little background, my biggest issue is my hair straightener. Years ago I left it unplugged and caused a burn to the countertop. Since then I obsessively check to make sure it's off, and now other things make me paranoid as well. OCD behaviors are strange, because you often know that you're being completely irrational. Anyhow, I'm really trying to ease up and lately I've managed to get by with just the one picture to reassure myself that the straightening iron is unplugged. I do plan to get help if it progresses, but can't really afford it at this time.
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML
Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML
Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML
Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML
Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML
Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I felt. She instantly burst out laughing and said, "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
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