Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML
Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML
Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML
Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
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Top comments
LittleSushi_fml 13
Does it matter what the cashier thinks?
Welshite 40
Who cares what other people think? I was a cashier once, long ago. The cashier probably didn't care or notice either.
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Comments (53)
jonjonguapito 15
You should get bacon for dessert.
mb2_native 15
Bacon is the perfect desert for any kind of meal :)
thrAsHeRr9081 16
That sounds a little dry, #37.
jimmy_vansuelo 10
I don't think they taught you the S trick 37
logic368 8
Maple candied bacon... Dipped in maple butter... Ah the holy matrimony of sweet and savory...
LittleSushi_fml 13
Does it matter what the cashier thinks?
kayydb7 14
Maybe OP thought the cashier was cute.
buckeyed 20
26-But isn't OP trying to prove their non-single status to the cashier?
kayydb7 14
30-True, but maybe to attract an interest from the cashier since OP is worried about what the cashier thinks of them.
minesbiggerr 25
OP could just be really worried about his/her self image
Bano360 25
Does it matter what anyone thinks about other people being single?
itskaybytheway 10
As a cashier who gets literally 100s of customers through my lane daily I don't care/have time to think about what the customers are purchasing
Rainhawk94 27
Do you think cashiers really care what you buy? As a cashier myself i dont look at what i scan and listen for the beep
kasey_21 8
The only time I noticed was when a couple came through with a box of condoms and 4 jars of Nutella
drewflav 17
As a cashier in a grocery store I notice the following things only: 1. Abnormally large orders ($300 or more) 2. Large quantities of the same item 3. Very odd combinations Otherwise, unless I feel like guessing what's for dinner, I really don't care because I'm trying to get you through as fast as I can. One pork chop and some veggies won't elicit a comment from me because it's obvious what you're doing with it. A banana, condoms, and a romance novel being bought by a woman might raise my eyebrow a little but no more. 30 cases of pop will make me ask what the special occasion is.
jazzy_123 20
70, only 4 jars? Pfftt!
Alycat6363 15
Don't even bother. Be proud to be lonely!
buddy_J 16
Being lonely is very undesirable for most people.
You_Screwed_Up 7
Op could just live alone or house mates are away or something...
Alycat6363 15
13, believe me, I know. But my point was to just accept it, at least OP has food, which is always the best cure. Besides having a life, of course.
laden_swallow09 35
Being single doesn't suck! Being lonely, however, does. To reiterate what someone else said on this thread, "Who cares?"
Rainhawk94 27
#50, food which is the best cure??? Don't think so
Welshite 40
Who cares what other people think? I was a cashier once, long ago. The cashier probably didn't care or notice either.
PancakeSlap 23
I'm working at a grocery store myself, and if they're like me, they're more likely jealous they can't afford the porkchop you just bought.
perdix 31
#4, I also was a cashier once and I judged the customers harshly. My boss was about to fire me for the numerous complaints piling up against me, but I quit first because the clientele disgusted me. "The customer's always right?" Bullshit! I'm almost always right!! (I'm not cut out for retail :()
NotAddictive 6
#28- why don't you save your judging for people you actually know? And perhaps keeping your comments to yourself would have also kept you your job.
dawnimus 21
Perdix is almost always sarcastic.
tukies 28
I was a cashier for quite a few years. Most of them barely look at what people buy. Honestly all I cared about was when my lunch was, or if it was getting close to quitting time. Don't worry so much about what others think, and buy what you wanna buy.
fordneagles 34
You haven't been doing this FML thing very long, have you #38? :P I work in retail. Trust me when I say most cashiers REALLY don't care what you're buying. We just want to get through the encounter and move on to the next customer while we count down for the end of our shift.
Jared900DUmpling 30
Seriously, cashiers have so many people coming through that they don't care what you are buying. It's perfectly fine to buy whatever you need.
mpj13 8
What a pig.
BrockALee 14
Honestly Op, the cashier would have forgoten about you sooner than I forgot the formula for the volume of a sphere.
MrConcise 35
Or sooner than I forgot the formula for this shitty joke.
AnOriginalName 19
It's (4/3)pi(r^3), for whatever reason you need to know it. Final exam?
BrockALee 14
I don't need to know it anymore :D but I did. Oh well, I got 86% anyway. And to the person who gave me their oh-so-insightful opinion on the 'joke', your insult wasn't any better.
MrConcise 35
Wow, that was largely misconstrued. Apologies, I guess it was in bad taste. It wasn't meant to be insulting.
rocker_chick105 31
Speaking of formulas, I always used "twinkle twinkle little star, circumference is 2πr" to remember. Sorry for the randomness :)
mikuxxhatsune 32
#66 THAT IS GENIUS
anonymous_kenie 7
And how is it that you somehow think the cashier is worried about who you're eating dinner with tonight?
PancakeSlap 23
I don't think one porkchop is enough for an assumption of your social life. Don't sweat the small stuff, op.
Qwermy 16
While the cashier may mentally judge, it doesn't matter. Their primary thought is how long til their shift ends. Believe me; I've worked that job