Nearly FMLs

By AmyLouise1423 - 03/05/2016 07:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today was payday, I "got my pay check" so I decided to treat myself to a bag of lollies... My card declined. My bills had all gone out and I have nothing FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 34

By AmyLouise1423 - 03/05/2016 07:48 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I started a new job. I had a really good first day until I arrived home to my dad telling me I have to move out and asked me how badly I failed at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By mfmylifesrsly - 03/05/2016 07:36 - United States - Houston

Today, after being accused of stealing at Walmart, the security man started sexually harassing me. After I left and was driving home, I started having an anxiety attack, which resulted in me totalling my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 63

By fandomoftheopera - 03/05/2016 06:29 - United States - Apopka

Today, I went to go see Les Mis. I have a severe panic disorder and halfway through the first act, I had a panic attack. Desperate to move and get out of the crowded theatre, I ran out the nearest exit. It was an emergency exit. They had to stop the play and evacuate the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 58

By Titan92753 - 03/05/2016 06:19 - United States - De Forest

Today after not dating anyone for 8 years because I'm so picky, I finally have a crush on a coworker. Good news: she's recently single! Bad news: I'm her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 73

By HeisenburgLabs - 03/05/2016 06:01 - United States - Huntersville

Today while at work, I couldn't seem to find a tool that I needed to finish a job. I asked a coworker if he knew where it was, he said, "I hid it and if you want it you'll have to send someone else to get it from now on". That man is 46 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 35

By Charles Offdensen - 03/05/2016 05:35 - United States - Greenville

Today, my mom asked me for the hundredth time if I was gay (im not) because I was not dating. She had also been posting about it on Facebook. Now everyone in my home town thinks I'm gay.FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 05:12 - United States - Toledo

Today, my dad witnessed me grab a condom out of my purse instead of the mint he had asked for. Then, all of the people around us got to witness the most awkward moments of my seventeen years of life as I slowly put it back in my purse and grabbed the mint. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 63

By ThatChamorro - 03/05/2016 05:10 - Guam - Hagatna

Today, I had a Physical Test in JROTC. I'm the only male to not be able to lift 45 pounds and squat at least once. The females can do it fine. I was given a 20 pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 124

By CRricker - 03/05/2016 04:27 - United States - Spring

Today, I rode the bus to school. Two of my peers (not friends) start calling each other names and eventually ended up fighting. As they were brawling it out, they threw a couple of punches here and there, and finally hit something. I was the only one hit during the fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 54

By Kaylen6049 - 03/05/2016 04:20 - United States - Irving

Today, I found out one of my friends is dating this guy I've had a crush on since elementary school. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 79

By funtimes - 03/05/2016 04:13 - Australia - Subiaco

Today there was a fire at the daycare centre I work at, in the middle of nap time. 27 tired screaming kids. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 23

By markcantlarp - 03/05/2016 04:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I am 20 and still can't control my boners at work, I am a trainer that primarily teaches water arobics, 50+. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 23

By shortibabii - 03/05/2016 04:10 - United States

Today, I realized that maybe my body wash smells too sweet after I got chased around my yard by a bee at 10:30 at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 19

By Embarrassed - 03/05/2016 04:08 - United States - Holcomb

Today, I accidentally followed my crush on Instagram. I unfollwed as fast as I can but I guess I wasn't fast enough because now his account is private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 35

By 5EverAlone - 03/05/2016 04:05 - United States - Detroit

Today, my ex boyfriend told me he regretted dating me and told me that we should have just remained friends for those six years. I'm still madly in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 12

By nice girl. - 03/05/2016 03:57 - United States - Athens

Today, this homeless guy asked me for a monetary donation towards his dinner. I offered to buy him a meal instead. His reply " I want the money thot" FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 15

By domm - 03/05/2016 03:53 - United States - Athens

Today, this old lady was struggling to get on the bus with her cane. She was crying out for help for about five mintues. Me being me, I went to go help her. As I was walking over to the bus entrance to bend down and pull her onto the bus, she snatched my watch and ran.

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 18

By srlene2 - 03/05/2016 03:30 - United States - Minot

Today, a couple hours after bragging to my girlfriends about how I don't get period cramps, I just got the worst cramp of my life. And we're out of painkillers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 30

By SeniorSlump - 03/05/2016 03:26 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I realized just how bad my weight gain during my senior semester was when I ripped my third pair of jeans in a couple of weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 15

By LostandWandering - 03/05/2016 03:19 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my whiny ex complained about having to spend National Siblings Day with his brother and how he wished his brother was dead... He knows my only sister died two years ago and still made these comments. He even said I was lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 4

By 18aligd - 03/05/2016 03:17 - United States - Celina

Today, I was replacing one of our toilets, when my younger sister flushed the toilet we told her not to use. So now I am covered with her waste.

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 6

By Kevin55 - 03/05/2016 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after working at my job for approximately one year and receiving multiple awards, I mentioned to my boss that I was thinking of looking for another job in hopes that he would give me a raise or promote me. I got fired two days later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 27

By Tpolk13 - 03/05/2016 03:10 - United States - Winter Haven

Today, my tarot cards were read for the first time and it said I was going to lose a valuable posession, I laughed and as I was walking out I see my truck being reposessed, FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 8

By overworked, under paid - 03/05/2016 03:08 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that the manager of my old job, that I absolutely hated and told I quit with a 2 hour notice before my shift started, is my new neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By pedrocolon98 - 03/05/2016 03:01 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my mother forcibly took my computer. This would have been fine since she was just going to check her email. Too bad she found all my porn and managed to get 2 new viruses into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 7

By Jim - 03/05/2016 02:46 - Canada - Stratford

Today I found when my girlfriend says "its ok you can trust me". What she really means "I gunna sleep with my ex, multiple times and expect you to forgive me, continue to love me and marry me", Also, "How come you didn't bring me flowers? " FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 6

By Cewdge - 03/05/2016 02:40 - United States - Marksville

Today, while trying to play with my rabbit I got for Easter, he decides to go spastic, slicing my wrist 3 different ways. The cuts look rather suspicious and my family thinks I need to be committed. My rabbit is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 11

By idek - 03/05/2016 02:32 - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized the most scandalous thing I've done in my whole life is write 'boobs' with numbers on a calculator. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 14

By HrothgarXII - 03/05/2016 02:24 - United States - Denver

Today, I can't even sit down comfortably, due in large part to the ingrown hair on my labia, FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 8

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 332

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 3 521

Today, my boyfriend sang "Happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembers the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 922

You deserved it 4 670

Today, my loneliness pushed me to buy a pack of cigarettes just so I had to show my ID to the clerk, hoping he would wish me a happy birthday. I don't even smoke and he didn't say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 574

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 869

You deserved it 7 124

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 876

You deserved it 3 833