Nearly FMLs

By emmtea - 02/05/2016 06:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom hit me with a stick, the reason? She told me girls aren't allowed to play video games, and I asked why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 17

By TooYoungToDie - 02/05/2016 06:32 - Australia - Perth

Today, I defended my younger sibling, and colourfully told off someone in the grade above me, for calling her names. I now have a pack of blood thirsty seniors, ready to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 20

By Gingerbug7 - 02/05/2016 06:11 - United States - Sharon

Today getting all hot and heavy with my boyfriend, I put his hand down my pants. To which he got extremely irritated and said "I'm not really into foreplay, I'm getting too old for that shit. Can't we just have sex?" He is 27.... And receives Multiple blowjobs weekly, even if there's no sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 18

By AlwaysTheMistress - 02/05/2016 06:05 - United States - Albany

Today, I found out my "boyfriend" recently took his wife to the same city I was in with him when I learned he was married. Last week I found out he didn't actually file the divorce papers last November that we've both supposedly been waiting patiently on to finalize. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 16

By JCirca - 02/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went over to the house of the girl I just started dating. "She" opened the door and took me to her room and we had sex. Right after we finished the girl I've been dating walks in, apparently she has an identical twin... She won't talk to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 24

By Pugsters - 02/05/2016 05:54 - United States - Northridge

Today my car got totalled... It was parked . FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 17

By anonymous - 02/05/2016 05:52 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I got really drunk and high then told the guy I like that I would "fuck him like a porn star". FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 25

By dammit grandma - 02/05/2016 05:40 - United States - Brownwood

Today, I invited my McDreamy guy over & no one was home, about 30 minutes later my grandma comes stumbling in drunk af and starts taking off her clothes right in front of him; I will not be getting a text from him anytime soon, FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 05:34 - United States - Chandler

Today, I freaked because my adored pet snake had what appeared to be a tear in her belly scales. After souring the internet and worrying sick about vet costs that I cannot pay, I finally found a fourm that held the answer. All this worrying for... You guessed it. A belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 14

By blupariah - 02/05/2016 05:08 - United States - Urbana

Today, my job is so short staffed and I'm so under paid I think about wrecking my car on purpose daily, just to get a few days off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 12

By Tcorn - 02/05/2016 05:04 - United States - Massapequa

Today, while shaving, my mother decided that my side burns were uneven. She took my razor and ended up shaving them off completely. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 11

By argument ended - 02/05/2016 04:50 - United States - Mesquite

Today, I got into a heated argument with my brother. While continuously insulting each other, he shouted, "you need to put on more clothes, you whore!" In an effort to combat him, I said, "and you need to take off your clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 20

By Day Late Friend - 02/05/2016 04:45 - United States - San Carlos

Today, after about four years of trying to get up the nerve, I finally asked the girl I like out. She said she just got a boyfriend, and would have said yes if I had asked a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 21

By Greykirin - 02/05/2016 04:40 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my mother told me I have a "very lovely face" and "maybe one day I will grow into it" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 11

By brylan115 - 02/05/2016 04:36 - United States

Today, recently my family has been keeping everything a mouse can get into out of their reach so as to get rid of them. Well I guess we are doing a good job because I just woke up to a mouse trying to eat my ear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 19

By LifehasLemons - 02/05/2016 04:25 - United States - Reno

Today, while rollerskating, I tried to rescue my nephew from falling and getting hurt. In the process, I fell, landing on my tailbone. Before I could get off the rink, I lost my balance and landed backwards again. Now I have a bruised, possibly fractured butt. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 15

By notdeadyet - 01/05/2016 23:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I overheard my 13 year old daughter practicing giving my eulogy. As if that wasn't bad enough, it included phrases such as "I never thought she wouldn't be at my 14th birthday party" and "Christmas just won't be the same this year", implying I am going to die before the years up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 5

By FEED.ME. - 01/05/2016 22:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I am on day 3 of my diet. My stomach has been growling so loud, my dog barked at me thinking the growling was from another animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 17

By supposedtobethere - 01/05/2016 22:27 - United States

Today, after 15 grueling hours waiting at the hospital for my sister to give birth, I decided to run home for a few minutes to get overnight clothes. Five minutes from the hospital, I got a call that she had her baby and that I was the only one who missed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 70

By anonymous - 01/05/2016 22:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep fingering me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 56

By feeling the pain - 01/05/2016 22:19 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my incompetent dentist fixed a cavity on the right side of my mouth. He drilled the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 25

By I am filled with cringe - 01/05/2016 22:15 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I just got off a flight and I sent my best friend a message saying, "I"M BACK BITCH". I accidentally sent it to my mother instead of my friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 22:07 - United States - Southfield

Today, my dad didn't show up to get me from work. When I was upset, told me to get a car. We have a second car at home, but I can't drive it because he won't put me on the insurance. When I pointed this out, his only response was "Oh well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 30

By Alice - 01/05/2016 22:02 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, someone at work mistook a spray hand sanitizer tube with an insulin syringe...I have 2 degrees...she makes more than I do...FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 26

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 22:02 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I took my dog to the vet for what I assumed to be allergies and left with a monthly prescription for something else entirely that will cost me $129 with each refill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 20

By anon - 01/05/2016 21:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd go for a run on a nearby trail. By run, I didn't mean get chased by 3 squirrels and run into a wasps nest. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 22

By notmydayanyday - 01/05/2016 21:55 - United States - Dallas

Today, after finally reconciling from a long fight with my dad I accidentally hit him with an orange in the eye. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 28

By Felinefine - 01/05/2016 21:43 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, a week after my boyfriend bought and gave me a supposedly very expensive eternity ring, it turned my finger green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 22

By anonymous - 01/05/2016 21:15 - United States - Saint Clair

Today, I was jumping on a trampoline with my crush. We were having a great time until I fell off and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 21

By Moron - 01/05/2016 21:06 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, after not even a month since getting it, I managed to crack my "new" phone's touchscreen, falling from a really small distance. This is the second phone I've f'd up this year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 29

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The Top

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 117

You deserved it 3 450

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 227

You deserved it 6 672

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 120

You deserved it 3 435

Today, I was at work talking to an older man. As our conversation ended, he said, "Thank you, ma'am." Then, he quickly stumbled over his words as he said, "I mean, thank you, sir. I meant sir. I think." He gazed at me for a moment in confusion, then darted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 201

You deserved it 6 733

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 703

You deserved it 3 228

Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 371