Nearly FMLs

By its4real - 02/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Brandon

Today, I found out why my dentist recommended that I take non-drowsy allergy medicine before my upper root canal. When the numbness started to wear off, I went into a sneezing attack. Pain meds aren't even touching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

By NotThatHole - 02/05/2016 23:12 - United States - De Forest

Today, I was talking to a client and said "That's a beautiful hole you've got there." Things got awkwardly quiet and it took me a second to realize why. I was only trying to talk about the hole we had dug for the addition on her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 22:31 - United States - Yakima

Today, is my birthday and I drove my car to my highschool. It turns out my high schools Happy Birthday gift is a $10 parking ticket for parking in a "teacher and visitor parking lot" when there isn't even a sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 22:24 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went to watch the new Jungle Book movie at my local theater. I enjoyed the movie, however when I got up to use the bathroom halfway through the film, I walked past a man who appeared to be pleasuring himself to Mowgli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By AliGInTheHouse - 02/05/2016 22:11 - United Kingdom - Ammanford

Today, while playing a game of table tennis with a friend, I went for a punish shot, accidentally hitting him in the neck with the ball. I ended up with a table tennis bat being lobbed to my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

By SomeCallMeEve - 02/05/2016 22:08 - United States - Brooklyn

Today I was fired for apparently submitting a report with inappropriate words in it. When I called my girlfriend, she broke down and admitted to swapping the report because she was afraid that I was going leave her if I became successful. I was going to buy a ring with the extra money I earned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 22:05 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I got lice. In my arm hair. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By blahbalabaha17 - 02/05/2016 21:47 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to babysit my little 3 year old neighbor. He said he is gonna murder me in my sleep. I'm stuck with him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

By whale_21 - 02/05/2016 21:44 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I was jazz dancing with my boyfriend. He set me up to do a flip, I sneezed and he dropped me. I now have a sprained wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 3

By munuxi - 02/05/2016 21:43 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I was so clumsy, I physically hurt my boyfriend at least 20 times. This included poking eyes and stepping on fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

By LostandWandering - 02/05/2016 21:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out my ex from over a year ago is still very much in love with me. I found this out after finding a bag of gifts hanging off my car mirror at work and when a friend told me about the date he's trying to plan. Oh, and when I tell him I'm not interested he threatens to kill himself. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 2

By HowAboutNo - 02/05/2016 21:29 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, (well what had been developing over the course of a couple of days) I just came to realize the very antisocial, pro-Nazi, pro-Trump, "ima rape all the teachers and shoot up the school" guy in my high-school has a thing for me. I'm genuinely considering moving cities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

By me - 02/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Covington

Today, after a midnight to 8am shift, I was on my way home. My truck broke down 2 miles from my house. I had to walk because my phone was dead from listening to music all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 9

By Yocherrypicker - 02/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Los Banos

Today I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 145

By 11001001 - 02/05/2016 11:18 - United States

Today, I came in to work only to discover that despite all our uniforms being labelled by name, someone continues to insist on wearing mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 89

By tryingtosleep - 02/05/2016 10:48 - Canada - London

Today, I realize that my cat has figured out how to open the bedroom door by repeatedly jumping and throwing his weight at the door handle. his favourite time to do this? Between 4 and 5 in the morning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 69

By juggalotus75 - 02/05/2016 09:55 - United States - San Francisco

last night, my girlfriend was giving me an amazing blow job. right when I leaned my head back and told her I was gonna cumm, she pulled it out of her mouth and started jacking me off while pointing it towards my stomach, I came so hard I shot a huge load, right into my own mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 166

By Thor1012 - 02/05/2016 09:48 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend of 5 months tried to tell me he loved me for the first time. Instead he let out a massive fart after I love, and fell into uncontrollable laughter.

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Penzance

Today, I finally spoke to my best friend about how she has been really quiet lately. She told me that she had depression and it was my fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 68

By novdestiny - 02/05/2016 08:42 - Australia - Hughes

Today, I discovered I am both broke and out of toilet paper. oh well, no pooping til payday, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 64

By mojo1108 - 02/05/2016 08:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time and I said it back, only then to realize he was saying it to my dog.

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 57

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 08:20 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me the day after returning from my grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 49

By shotsshotsshots - 02/05/2016 08:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, after doing shots all weekend, I habitually downed a "shot" of mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 158

By catimakittycat - 02/05/2016 08:12 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, my fiancées aunt introduced me to some of their family. However, she called me by his ex-wife's name. This isn't the first time she's done this, and I was too awkward to correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 24

By morningmonster - 02/05/2016 07:44 - Australia - Beckenham

Today, I realized that the only gift I got for my birthday was a nice new nail polish colour and the fact that my car got broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 19

By kelliiz - 02/05/2016 07:24 - Australia - Adelaide

Today my college put on my photo without my consent on the honor roll. It was all over the building. That was a HORRIBLE photo of me jet lagged, without makeup and i looked like an asian zombie. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 28

By cruzgigi11713 - 02/05/2016 07:19 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, i woke up so tired because of a long shift a work yesterday and having to wakeup in the middle. I went to church still with a great energy until it was time for the preaching. I must have fallen asleep like 20 times and I sit in the front, the Pastor yelled "AMEN" each time I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 13

By amberarnold953 - 02/05/2016 07:13 - United States - Hamer

Today, my boss's son told me that I'm too tall and that I'll never get married because no guy wants to date someone that makes them feel short. Thanks for reminding me how lonely I am jackass. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 14

By WhySoSerious - 02/05/2016 06:56 - Canada - Armstrong

Today, I was told by the guy I've been seeing for 8 months that he no longer wants to have intercourse until we become serious. I thought we were, guess now is a bad time to tell him I'm seriously pregnant. Whoops. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 20

By snollygoster - 02/05/2016 06:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, as I was getting off the bus with my tools and equipment for work, I tripped and fell, smashing my head against the concrete and knocking myself and a tooth out in the process.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 10

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The Top

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 709

You deserved it 4 267

Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759

You deserved it 3 126

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 055

You deserved it 1 331

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 719

You deserved it 5 536

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 861

You deserved it 3 535

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 011

You deserved it 3 551