Nearly FMLs

By mcklutzy - 30/04/2016 05:23 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I broke my already broken leg. This will be a long shitty year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 70

By uhmhaicats - 30/04/2016 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took our dog on a generous walk. When we got back he said he had lost his keys. I suggested he left them inside. He refused to believe so while throwing a fit and made us go back on the walk. No luck so he climbs through the window and they were on the table. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 74

By Traeeee - 30/04/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. He failed to mention he was suspected of murder until after my house was raided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 53

By MrsHumanFrog - 30/04/2016 04:50 - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband was planning to take a half a day off since he had paid time available. I showered, shaved, told him I was naked on the couch waiting for him... He decided to stay and work his whole shift.

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 72

By DeadLily - 30/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after getting my husband off before bed, he decided he wasn't going to get me off tho I was very horny from not having sex in weeks. Finally I decided to take a shower and take care of it myself. After the shower my best guy friend texted me. My husband immediately thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 80

By gummy - 30/04/2016 04:33 - United States - Rockville

Today, I was chewing gum. I had my hair down and I turned my head to cough into the crook of my elbow, forgetting about the gum in my mouth. It flew out and stuck to a huge clump of my hair. I had a green glob in my hair for the rest of the day FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 70

By emily_anne006 - 30/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Abingdon

Today, my grandma walked downstairs as me & my boyfriend were scrambling off each other; trying to get situated. We both had no idea what to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 111

By maryfvs - 30/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I found out how depressed I really am. It's gotten so bad all I want to do is sleep or cry. My boyfriend doesn't even try to help, he just goes on with his life and wonders why I'm so quiet all the time. Sad thing is, I told him I was feeling this way. So much for listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 64

By anonymousy. - 30/04/2016 03:15 - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, I did the math, if I had gotten pregnant the last time my husband and I had sex, our child would be 4 months old. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 117

By anonymous - 30/04/2016 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my suspicions were confirmed- my husband is cheating on me. With his cousin who lives across the street. I found this out because our six year old daughter had forgot her lunch and we walked in on them in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 40

By Holy_MoFo - 30/04/2016 02:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I haven't had sex with my husband in over a year, but we're cruising craigslist too find a threesome to "spice things up." fml.

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 66

By ladyfarmer - 30/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I've been giving my one beef cow a shot that has to be given for 5 days, she's started feeling better, and now when we attempt to give her a shot, she kicks like a mule. She kicked me twice in the same spot on my shin for two days straight. This is day 3 of the 5 day series. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 45

By fmlfreek101 - 30/04/2016 02:48 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my car got stolen after parking it on a different street. After I filed a report and walked home, I got mugged and my phone and wallet were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 35

By Too much anxiety - 30/04/2016 02:44 - United States - Havertown

Today, my anxiety disorder has gotten so bad that just talking about anxiety is enough to give me a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 52

By bandeek - 30/04/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that tomorrow I may have to watch a 5 year old that hates me, a 4 year old with behavorial issues, my 3 year old that recently decided she couldn't hear anything I said, and a 1 year old that runs away from me. My leg is broken. I'm on crutches and I don't get paid for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 39

By Not a Dad - 30/04/2016 02:33 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I learned the unborn child, the one my now ex-girlfriend was carrying, the one that sadly "didn't make it" in its first trimester, was actually aborted. My ex-girlfriends ex-husband paid for said procedure. . FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 36

By forever alone - 30/04/2016 02:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, one of the mentally disabled kids in the phys ed class I work in asked me for my number so we could have a playdate. This is the first time a boy has ever asked me for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 38

By Thanks, but I'm full.. - 30/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Painted Post

Today, I woke up to my 4 year old son trying to shove a cockroach into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 35

By two2blue - 30/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Madison

Today, for the fifth week in a row, my boyfriend admitted to buying something frivolous, yet still complains he can't afford to renew his passport for the trip my work will pay to send us on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 16

By KingDreamer - 30/04/2016 02:08 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I was walking around in Walmart and I was looking for some snacks and I didn't notice the wet floor sign and I fell in front of at least 27 strangers and they all laughed FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 36

By Itineranthuman - 30/04/2016 02:05 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I realized that I'm more comfortable getting shot at than I am giving presentations in class. Insurgents launching an attack on the compound? Like, whatever, man. 30 minute presentation on Russia? I am actually going to die of nerves. Clearly, my survival instincts are failing me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 30

By are you stupid - 30/04/2016 02:04 - United States - Malvern

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a blowjob. She turned down my request, but not because she didn't feel comfortable. No, she thought sperm had gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 15

By buttholebandit - 30/04/2016 01:55 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, i severely cut my asshole while shaving. it was so bad that while having sex with my bf he stopped to ask if i had started my period. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 19

By markers28599 - 30/04/2016 01:41 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, while sitting on the couch I couldn't figure where the smell of poop was coming from, until I got off the couch and realized I sat in dog poop. Thanks dogs, FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 16

By burgerkingaka - 30/04/2016 01:30 - United States - Fulton

Today, I got rejected with the exact phrase, "it could work out, it's just the fact I'm a flaming lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 20

By PingusTheDingus - 30/04/2016 01:15 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I got my first job. I went in to work this afternoon fine, and came out with severe burns on hands. My boss made me try working the grease fryer without any training, causing me to burn my hands. I then got to spend the rest of the day pressing buttons on the register with my burnt hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 14

By MyCrazyGirlSmh - 30/04/2016 01:12 - United States

Today, this girl I love finally told me in so much detail that she loves me. Then she said sorry wrong person we just happened to be texting at the same time. This was my girlfriend way of breaking up with me. She was texting my classmate . FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 13

By Fractured Feet - 30/04/2016 01:10 - United States - Naperville

Today, a customer ran over my foot with his car because his car didn't pass the emissions test. My boss actually believed him when he said I tampered with the computer knowing that I'm on camera and would never do such a thing. The company won't pay for the medical bills now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 15

By Jodes - 30/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Augusta

Today I got the test results from the large number of blood tests my doctor ran to find out why my feet have been so painful and tingly for so long. Conclusion: My shoes are too small. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 34

By rayhank123 - 30/04/2016 00:58

Today, my mother was telling me how i use to suck on my dad's nipple's when i was hungry as a baby, FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 25

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The Top

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 786

You deserved it 2 610

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 260

You deserved it 3 593

Today, I got my precalculus final back from my teacher. I got a 17%. I told her that there had to be some mistake, because my classmate had the same answers as me and she got 100%. Not only did I accidentally admit to cheating, but our test papers had different questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 751

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 293

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 86

Today, my dad discovered my daughter’s OnlyFans account. I’ll let you do the math on that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 329