Nearly FMLs

By just-why - 04/05/2016 00:02 - United States - Norristown

Today, my school finally turned on the air conditioning, after two weeks of it being over 80 degrees in the classrooms. This would be great, except now it's so cold, all I can hear are teeth chattering. My skin is entirely covered in goosebumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 16

By nope-nope-nope - 03/05/2016 23:56 - United States - Norristown

Today, I went to ask my softball coach about pitching lessons, as I was told to do. She said that she definitely had time and that it would really help our team throughout the rest of the season. What was her response? "Not until after the season's over. I have no time." What's the point then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 13

By The Unfortunate Goalie - 03/05/2016 23:51 - United States - Romeoville

Today, I had a soccer game. My coach decided to make me be goalie, even though i've never played as goalie before. As i was going for the ball another player kicked me in the mouth, knocked two teeth out and still scored and the ref said it was a good play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 8

By smsblue - 03/05/2016 23:45 - United States - Mentor

Today, I was forced to use a strict diet, due to my severe acid reflux. Part of this diet meant that I can't lie down unless I'm sleeping. I didn't follow this simple order- guess who's scrubbing blood, vomit, and tears of pain off their bed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 22

By Lulu - 03/05/2016 23:31 - United States - Dyersburg

Today, I went to pick up my step dad at the hospital. The nurse told me, "be nice to him". He had a vasectomy.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 14

By LunaMyst - 03/05/2016 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, while in the bathroom, two teachers came in and started talking. Now that wouldn't be so bad if they weren't talking about an infected cyst on one of their feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 16

By amzy12 - 03/05/2016 23:01 - United Kingdom - Woking

Today, after spending months of hearing strange noises in my flat especially at night, being terrified like crap and even crying myself to sleep and thinking demons, I investigated the noise is a 2 yr old baby running around in the downstairs flat. fml

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 20

By one eyed goat - 03/05/2016 23:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my goat decided to escape from the fence and tore his eye out of its socket. $350 later I have a one eyed, neutered and de-horned goat, fml

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 13

By TiffToff101 - 03/05/2016 22:57 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I told my boyfriend "I love you." all he said back to me was "My dad's gonna be pissed." That's ALL he said. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By Gelilla - 03/05/2016 22:52 - United States - Denver

Today, I ate a cutie that I found at the bottom of my backpack even though it was kind of dry. I then realized that we haven't bought cuties in over 2 months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 28

By beagles are mean - 03/05/2016 22:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I hired someone to take care of my dogs, he keeps texting me asking how to move my blind, lazy, old beagle out the door to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

By UnsympatheticDog - 03/05/2016 21:49 - United States - Ossining

Today, I was chasing after my dog when I smacked into the corner of a piece of furniture. I fell down, blood dripping down my knee. My dog just kept running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 14

By awkwardencounter - 03/05/2016 21:45 - Australia - Perth

Today I found a pile of dirty dishes covered mould in the spare room. Obviously my roommate has been hiding them for months because she is too lazy to wash them. The smell is so putrid i can't even walk in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

By desireesun - 03/05/2016 21:04 - Canada - Calgary

Today, a girl in my class asked me what type of sauce Christianity was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By Sucker - 03/05/2016 20:43 - United States - Detroit

Today, I helped my boyfriend of two years go through his divorce, find a house, and set up all his accounts to make sure he was all set, just to find out I was being used this whole time. Im now being kicked out of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By gotubeet - 03/05/2016 20:17 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I envied the FML where someone's mom said "Oh" to her engagement. Just now my mom said "Why?" and my dad said "I heard you," followed by "If I don't like the man you're marrying, why would I go to the wedding?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 8

By zzarzzur - 03/05/2016 20:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to shave off my beard. I now have a very noticeable farmers tan on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 9

By Python - 03/05/2016 20:04 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I had the privilege of feeding a snake in my science class. I dropped the the rat in, the snake striked at it, and... ...he missed. The rat covered the cage in blood and then, after the rat had died, the snake refused to eat it. I was kicked out of the class for "animal abuse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

By pankjn12 - 03/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Calmar

Today, my boss found out that I have been dating and sleeping with his daughter. I didn't know she was his daughter until the awkward dinner I was invited to. Now he scheduled my to work with him for every shift I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By thanksmom - 03/05/2016 19:41 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mother called me in a rage, telling me to take my status on facebook that contained a health update because it got more likes and comments than hers. Apparently her pulled muscle should garner more attention than my announcement that I'm cancer free. My siblings agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By anonymous198913 - 03/05/2016 19:22 - United States

Today, I had an important history test that I spent weeks studying for. I sat down to take the test. The girl that sat down next to me was wearing cheap bracelets that clanged anytime she moved. Good bye hours of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 3

By viabbey - 03/05/2016 19:21 - United States - Cadillac

Today, knowing that my puppy usually goes #2 in the morning, I made sure to keep him outside for at least 30 minutes. After I opened the door to let him back in, he walked 5 feet into the house and promptly shit on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 6

By zugunru - 03/05/2016 18:57 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I am in a long distance relationship and so horny that the dentist touching my face as he was about to fix a cavity turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By HylianBadger - 03/05/2016 18:54 - United States

Today, I had to show a bank proof of two bills I've paid for the last year to apply for a loan to buy a house. The electric bill doesn't seem to count as a bill, even though they said it was acceptable. Guess I should call my electric department and sue them for charging me for free electricity. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By hating life - 03/05/2016 18:33 - United States - Columbus

Today, after weeks of being stuck in the butthole of military posts, having survived spending weeks surrounded by poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac. I decided to clean my gear. guess what wonderful gift I got? a poison ivy rash covering 50% of my body. nope not getting laid for a long time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 1

By Raebird - 03/05/2016 18:29 - United States - Powder Springs

Today, I found out that my grandmother's jokes about setting me up with people and her ideal man for me were not actually jokes, she was serious. I've been in a serious relationship for 4 years and she met my boyfriend when it started, she just doesn't believe it'll last, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 2

By HarIeyQuinn - 03/05/2016 18:16 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I got so high at my friend's house, when it came time to drive home, I forgot to actually go home. I didn't remember until I was two cities away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 26

By Silencer - 03/05/2016 17:59 - United States - Torrance

Today, I caught myself getting a boner while staring at my teachers breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 24

By Twon - 03/05/2016 17:40 - United States - Phoenix

Today, at the restaurant I work at as a busser, I saw a table had left so of course I went to clean it. As I was cleaning, this lady called me over saying "can I give you a tip?", so I went over thinking I'd get a tip, only to be yelled at for how I put my fingers in the glasses to hold them easier.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

By PancakeWhore - 03/05/2016 17:39 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I overheard my mum on the phone to my sister saying she felt unneeded without my niece around for her to look after. meanwhile I've been in bed sick for 3 days and the only time she has even set foot in my room is to talk to my cat. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

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The Top

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I'd heard him in the hall, I yelled out, "Come on, don't be shy, bring your dick back in here right now!" A voice then replied, "He's gone out to get some bread." It was my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 18 025

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 435

You deserved it 7 947

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 166

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 065

You deserved it 3 306

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 813

You deserved it 34 399

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 2 991