Nearly FML

By MyBoyfriendSucks - 03/05/2016 17:36 - United States - Vashon

Today, I caught my now ex-boyfriend making out with another girl. I was pissed but decided to let him off once because he is very sweet to me. About 2 hours later I catch him banging the same girl. His response? "Hey babe let me finish then I'll do you." FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 5

By andr742i - 03/05/2016 17:24 - Denmark

Today, I officially have gotten more love from a homeless than my boyfriend. The homeless man at least wanted me to hug him without weird comments... FML

agreeclassic 47

vote type 1 5

By Failing College Now - 03/05/2016 16:40 - United States

Today, my uncle is fixing my crashed hard drive. I now have to decide whether to let recover the files and risk him seeing my nude photos, or tell him to clear the hard drive causing me to loose all my class work for the semester. FML

agreeclassic 42

vote type 1 9

By bleachablemoment - 03/05/2016 15:54 - United States - New York

Today, I had to use the bathroom but didn't turn on the bathroom light because I knew my way and it was like 3:30 in the morning .The toilet lid wasn't up.I shit on the toilet seat FML

agreeclassic 35

vote type 1 10

By Lady_Blaz3 - 03/05/2016 15:37 - United States - Sanford

Today I got back from my first anniversary vacation after being together for 8years. There were dead jellyfish on the beach, our car broke down, not only did we have to get towed back to our state but our tow man had to miss his daughters fourth birthday party to take us. Totalling us over 600$ FML

agreeclassic 42

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got stood up for the third time by the same guy. I went and brought a vibrator instead cause I've give up hope. FML

agreeclassic 42

vote type 1 7

By single_xboxman - 03/05/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, I had a date through a mutual friend. I waited for three hours and she didn't show. Why? Me and the 'mutual friend' got in a slight disagreement about whether the ps4 or the Xbox was better and she didn't want to 'poisen' her friend with 'my kind'. FML

agreeclassic 32

vote type 1 3

By apparently r-rated - 03/05/2016 14:58 - United States - Ashburn

Today, right after my World Geography teacher had told me that I am too "r-rated" in the classroom, a girl who sits next to me's finger started to bleed. How did I tell her to clean it up? "Suck it off." FML

agreeclassic 28

vote type 1 9

By Jithin - 03/05/2016 14:56 - Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today, I got suspended from the school because I was standing near a fight scene. Fml.

agreeclassic 42

vote type 1 7

By TheRainbowNoob - 03/05/2016 13:10 - United States - Orlando

Today, my social studies teacher wouldn't let me turn in a project because I was sick the day it was due. This project is 15% of my grade. FML

agreeclassic 46

vote type 1 8

By Too sick to type - 03/05/2016 13:06 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I had finally started getting over the flu, so I had decided to go to school. Only now that I'm here all my symptoms had decided to return in full force, so now It's 9:05 and I'm contemplating how I'm supposed to make it another 6 hours without passing out. FML

agreeclassic 38

vote type 1 4

By Ginger - 03/05/2016 12:59 - United States - Portsmouth

Today I'm supposed to give a work presentation to a room full of people. I'm also on day 3 of having explosive diarrhea. FML

agreeclassic 415

vote type 1 54

By chickenbuffet - 03/05/2016 12:48 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was collecting the eggs from my chickens. Chickens love to eat eggs and saw that I was carrying some. Right when they noticed me I tripped. They went into a frenzy on top of me. Not only am I covered in chicken shit, I lost all of the eggs. FML

agreeclassic 299

vote type 1 31

By anonymous - 03/05/2016 12:38 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was sent to the hospital for a ruptured appendix. I was told I needed emergency surgery so I called my dad to tell him, thinking he would be concerned. His response? "Im busy at the strip-club." FML

agreeclassic 335

vote type 1 19

By TrustNoOne - 03/05/2016 12:29 - United States - Panama City

Today, my brand new girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because she was having family issues and probably wouldn't date the rest of the year. Now she's got a new boyfriend. My best friend. FML

agreeclassic 292

vote type 1 13

By Dorminion - 03/05/2016 12:17 - United States - Omaha

Today, I found out what it feels like to accidentally swallow mouth wash and then throw it up. My throat feel as like a minty hell. FML

agreeclassic 25

vote type 1 1

By nolovelife - 03/05/2016 12:13 - Netherlands

Today, I met this really cute guy. We danced, talked and hit it off very well. He told me he was 28 (I'm 19) and I said 'wow that's old but I'm fine with it' and I held a monologue about how he would be really old if he would have been 30+. After we kissed, he said: 'I'm actually 33'. FML.

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 4

By anonymous - 03/05/2016 12:11 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I lost 30 pounds, I was so excited so I showed my husband (which I normally don't do because I'm self conscious about my weight) to which he said "Eh you'll probably put it back on" FML.

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 32

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 11:39 - United States - Bayonne

Today, my mother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex, instead of freaking out, she looked at my dick and said "that's it". FML.

agreeclassic 269

vote type 1 26

By LegendaryHood - 03/05/2016 11:30 - United States - Terre Haute

Today, my mom asked me to take our huge dog out to walk. Since he takes a long time to walk, I brought a backpack with water and stuff. I was going through my stuff one more time, and he took off. Since the leash just so happened to wrap around my leg, it tightened and I was dragged into shit.

agreeclassic 216

vote type 1 19

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 10:10 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, at 1:19am I was woken by my cat who brought me a mouse to my bedroom. He hadn't yet killed it though so I got up to chuck them out. He decided to let go of the mouse which proceeded to run up my pyjama leg. The cat seeing this decided to chase it up there...I feel violated...FML

agreeclassic 221

vote type 1 16

By getfucked - 03/05/2016 09:44 - Australia - Ramsgate

Today, I realised that I am falling in love with my fuck buddy, even though we would never work out as a couple because he's an asshole. FML

agreeclassic 195

vote type 1 82

By wet covers - 03/05/2016 09:24 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, after sleeping in on a week end, I had a dream that I was peeing inside a toilet. Turns out it wasn't a dream. FML

agreeclassic 124

vote type 1 25

By WTF - 03/05/2016 09:23 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I posted a cute video of a kid dancing in my work Facebook group. One manager threatened to fire me for it. I still dont know why. FML

agreeclassic 74

vote type 1 13

By abitappy - 03/05/2016 08:58 - United States - Beaver Dam

Today, while trying to park my car at work a lady pulled so close to my bumper that I couldn't pull all the way out. She backed up enough where I could start to correct and the pulled up again. She then got out and poured her coffee on my shoes for "driving and parking like a twat." FML

agreeclassic 78

vote type 1 8

By abbylouwho - 03/05/2016 08:52 - United States - Beaver Dam

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend coughing loudly. As I started to rub his back and sit up he flung back in exhaustion which then broke my nose. FML.

agreeclassic 94

vote type 1 16

By Of course - 03/05/2016 08:42 - United States - Bowie

Today, I finished coming out to the last members of my family. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and brother were all very accepting. Who wasn't? My mom and dad. FML

agreeclassic 100

vote type 1 14

By FML all the time - 03/05/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Taupo

Today, my man was going down on me, he got a text, checked it, got dressed and left. But just before he left he said - That was my girlfriend, she's great at sex. I have been married to him for 3 years. FML

agreeclassic 122

vote type 1 15

By Pbhater - 03/05/2016 08:07 - United States - Tracy City

Today is my one year wedding anniversary. All my husband got me was a king size reeses cup, I hate peanut butter FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 8

By Nor - 03/05/2016 07:55 - Canada - Calgary

Today we were supposed to each tell a joke to the class. I had told a closet joke, now my class thinks I'm homophobic. I'm gay. Fml.

agreeclassic 94

vote type 1 16

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

agreeclassic 41 726

vote type 1 6 837

Today, I did my laundry at a laundromat. When I came back to get my clothes, I found an elderly man wearing my favorite Joy Division t-shirt, and he refused to give it back because he said it was his. I spent a few minutes arguing with him, before realizing I had grabbed someone else's clothes too. FML

agreeclassic 123

vote type 1 477

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

agreeclassic 46 213

vote type 1 3 406

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

agreeclassic 24 823

vote type 1 40 170

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

agreeclassic 31 382

vote type 1 6 758

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

agreeclassic 491

vote type 1 48