Nearly FMLs

By Cardstar - 01/05/2016 20:45 - United States

Today, my fiance and I go out to lunch, and I noticed our server, who is rather very attractive, is checking out my fiance through the mirror behind the bar. my fiances first words when I told him, "Wonder how hard it would be to get her number and ask for a three way?"

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 20

By TSI - 01/05/2016 20:20 - United States - Fair Lawn

Today at work, an old woman saw my picture of my son felt the need to come tell me what to do. I am a single mother. She told me that one day I will find a man to take care of me so I would spend more time with my son instead of working. She stayed 3 hours after we closed talking with her friend.FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 10

By omg - 01/05/2016 20:19 - United States - Baltimore

Today, while walking home from school I didn't realize my backpack was opened and papers were falling out of my combined social studies and science binder. While picking up my binder which fell when I came to my front step, all of the papers fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 20:11 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was on the edge on being caught wacking it. I had such an adrenalin rush of being scared by her coming in that I was breathing heavily while she was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 11

By Matt - 01/05/2016 20:04 - United States - Hilo

Today is my birthday. I'm too hung over to move, the sim card in my phone has disappeared, I tipped the bartender last night $125 for $52 worth of drinks and apparently I pissed off my girlfriend but she won't tell me how or why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 19

By SUN_lover - 01/05/2016 20:01 - Sri Lanka

Today, my sister moved in with her husband. I can't sleep with the sounds of their performance. Where are my headphones? Downstairs. And where are the couple? Right out side my door. Where are my parents? Out for a long weekend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By larathedemondog - 01/05/2016 19:57 - Spain - A Coru?a

Today, I met my host family for study abroad. I meant to tell them that I've always wanted a sister and that I was excited that they had an 11 year old daughter. Turns out, I accidentally used the word for sexually aroused rather than excited. I can hear them arguing about me in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 13

By whyane - 01/05/2016 19:46 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I received an E on a paper I worked on everyday for two months. My professor said he was drunk when he graded it, but it probably deserved an E anyways even though it's not possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 11

By TheSignOfLibra - 01/05/2016 19:45 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was talking to my cat while I was playing a game and hit the voice input button by accident. So my friends heard me telling my cat what a cutie pie he was and how much I love him. I'm considered one of the top players there. Or was.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 8

By nobody - 01/05/2016 18:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that my "virgin" girlfriend of six years gave me AIDS. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 107

By atlballa212 - 01/05/2016 05:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, My girlfriend of one year and a month broke up with me because she said "God told me too" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 21

By MisUnFortunate - 01/05/2016 05:38 - United States

Today, 4 guys came to the house I'm staying at to threaten me with crowbars. Why? Because 5 years ago, my brother sold them some bad weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 05:32 - United States - Shasta Lake

Today, while I was trying give myself pleasure, unknowingly I left my front door unlocked. My mother came for a unannounced visit just in time to see my load shoot across the coffee table. fml

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 148

By BleedingOut - 01/05/2016 05:25 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I began day 19 of my period. I missed two days of my birth control while moving houses and it hasn't stopped since. I'm beginning to think a cork would be more effective. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 54

By The_Potato_Lord - 01/05/2016 05:06 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was looking for emotional support on my school iPad. I don't have a phone and my school blocked the only sites I found that might've helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 59

By Ughomg - 01/05/2016 05:04 - United States - Allen

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for the guy "I shouldn't worry about he's just a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 85

By steel_geek - 01/05/2016 05:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I started looking up profiles on match to get over the real life crush that isn't into me. He showed up in my search and I can't help comparing every view, wink or interest to him and they all fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 61

By UbbyNumNumms - 01/05/2016 05:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, while being outside for the first time in months, I glanced at my house to find a mass of something. Upon closer inspection I realized this 'mass' was a gigantic swarm of baby spiders. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:58 - United States - Phoenix

I decided to take my atheist grandfather with Alzheimer's to church with me. Everything was going well, but suddenly he forgot where he was and started shouting to the nearest child, "Young un, God is dead, and this Jesus business is complete bullsh*t." The priest stared at me as I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 72

By DepressedandStre - 01/05/2016 04:52 - United States

Today, I realized I might be falling in love with my best friend. I see him multiple times a week and he talks to me about this girl he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 84

By Annie - 01/05/2016 04:48 - United States - Douglassville

Today, at work, a dog bit me in the nipple. It was the most action I've had in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 20

By Gigglyrocks - 01/05/2016 04:41 - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, my friend has been trying to decide between 3 guys that like her for the past 3 hours. Meanwhile, I've been single for a year, never leave my house or meet people, and every time I do meet someone, they aren't interested in the slightest. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 30

By WastedMoney - 01/05/2016 04:38 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, after weeks of convincing my mother to let me visit my father, whom I haven't seen in months, she agrees. Two minutes after spending half of my savings on the plane ticket, she changes her mind and forbids me from ever seeing him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 13

By tycho - 01/05/2016 04:34 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I vomited on my crush. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 20

By CutiePieKai - 01/05/2016 04:31 - United States - Foresthill

Today my fiance and I were supposed to go meet his mother and sister for lunch. My stomach had other plans. Instead of enjoying a nice lunch I spent the entire time puking my guts out in a bathroom. Now his mom and sister think I'm pregnant. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 13

By thisisthestupid - 01/05/2016 04:30 - United States - Towson

Today, I was having a tickle fight with my fiancé. We were really enjoying ourselves until all of the sudden he socks me in the face and screams he's breaking up with me. Then repeatedly kept shoved me into the couch and spit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 12

By Omega - 30/04/2016 15:41 - United States

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 48

By Alex White - 30/04/2016 15:10 - Canada

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 46

By Alex White - 30/04/2016 15:10 - Canada

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'... The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 62

By OhNo - 30/04/2016 06:01 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I realised I am that crazy woman who tries to get the neighbors' cats to love me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 175

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a manager was credited for coming up with a safety idea. This is the same idea I brought up weeks prior and was told it was silly by said manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 72

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 917

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 354

You deserved it 58 623

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 232

You deserved it 333

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 9 953

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 1 016