Nearly FMLs

By Harpy20 - 02/07/2016 21:45 - Germany

Today, I discovered that "popping bottles" isn't always as fun as it sounds. Cork popped, hit the center of our kitchen fluorescent, and showered myself and the kitchen with a nice layer of thin glass. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 23

By SpyKid - 02/07/2016 21:39 - United States - Benton

Today, my mother informed me that "our relationship is toxic" because I apparently sneak into her room and spy on her for a group of people who "control her life". She's disabled and I'm her caregiver. I'm also 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 15

By xxxx - 02/07/2016 21:16 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I asked my mom if we could smoke weed after school together, just jokingly, and she said "No you need all the brain cells you could get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 39

By j4T - 02/07/2016 20:17 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally kicked a guy in the nuts during a soccer game while trying to clear the ball. Everyone thinks it was deliberate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 18:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of reading FMLs, I started to wonder who "Anon" is. I'd seen that same user name over and over again and I was convinced that it was all the same person. Then I realized it was just short for 'anonymous'. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 228

By ThePoorJedi - 02/07/2016 17:48 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I am to poor and embarrassed to get an actual sex toy for myself that I just bought a toy light saber instead of a real toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 66

By TheAspieDork - 02/07/2016 16:19 - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that I might not be able to take AP classes next year, despite being totally capable of learning the material. Why? Because my school has a ridiculous policy that involves ignoring the most essential part of my IEP to "simulate a college environment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous xd - 02/07/2016 00:31 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, my mom got a speeding ticket while I was in the car. When we got home, she grounded me for distracting her by talking so much. I had headphones in and was SILENTLY listening to music the entire time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 105

By EddySaBoy - 01/07/2016 23:52 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I have to travel 600km to my abusive mother for a week, my entire life has been made hell by her and as a consequence of that I now suffer from depression. On top of that I have to pretend to be religious for the week otherwise my university funding gets cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 71

By jaqlove - 01/07/2016 21:28 - United States

Today, my dad told me I should be more like my cousin. She's a drug addict. He knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 38

By UnrequitedLove - 01/07/2016 20:13 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, I decided to confess my romantic attraction to my best friend of four years after them telling me a week ago that they wanted to 'give the whole dating thing a try' with me. They laughed in my face, before telling me that they were joking and hoped I was too. I wasn't. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 58

By . - 01/07/2016 17:36 - United States - Wethersfield

Today, while I was mowing my lawn, my neighbor started scolding me for waking up his teenage son. This would be understandable if it wasn't 1 in the afternoon

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 61

By sleepyolivia - 01/07/2016 04:10 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I've been assigned a seat next to a skinny girl who doesn't shut the hell up about how she starves herself and how fat she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 171

By woeaofretail - 01/07/2016 03:55 - United States

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation that I requested off for months ago. I also found out that since I was transfered to a different store that my request was no longer approved and I was scheduled for a double shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 67

By Wasp Killer .... - 01/07/2016 01:53 - United States - Rogers

Today, a wasp was chilling in the drivers seat of my car. I didn't realize what the painful sting on my vagina was until I got out of the car and saw the crushed wasp. My husband is now calling me pussy wasp killer. My pussy is not a murderer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 73

By chibiachika - 30/06/2016 20:36 - United States - Harrison

Today, a girl confessed her long-time love for me and that I was her first true love. No one's ever told me they love me before and I thought it was sweet. I had to refuse and make her cry though, because she's 16 and I'm 32. I feel awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 61

By Senseless_487 - 30/06/2016 20:15 - United States - Pioneer

Today, after working my ass off for months to prove myself, I asked my boss for more hours, since the hours I've been working aren't enough to pay bills. He happily agreed. I later looked at my new schedule to see that he has cut me down to just four hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 36

By PainInTheAsss - 30/06/2016 18:20 - United States - Charles Town

Today, at 1 in the morning I received a call from my mother. She had called to tell me that she can't find the light switch. Now she is super pissed off at me for not driving 15 minutes at 1am over a light switch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 42

By Catz456 - 30/06/2016 16:31 - United States - Irvine

Today, I finished cat sitting for a week. Normally, I would be okay with not getting paid. However, the owners were nice enough to get only my brother and my mom a week-long trip to Orlando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 61

By TheFreyzy - 30/06/2016 16:30 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I forgot that the theory test for my drivers license, which I studied hard for a month, was not tomorrow but today. After being driven there, through mass amount of traffic and delayed arrival, they still let me take it. Too bad that I failed it...again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 105

By rpurce08 - 30/06/2016 15:47 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I learned what it's like to be mugged and stabbed. They didn't take my wallet or phone, but instead my bag with old shoes and a shirt. Worth a fraction of my medical bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 35

By Wallsinator - 30/06/2016 15:45 - United States - Danvers

Today, I got in to an argument with my girlfriend. Why? Because she wouldn't believe me when I told her that "Obama" and "Barack Obama" are not two separate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 36

By Talesinger - 30/06/2016 15:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was fired from my temp job because I asked a question about something not covered in the training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 15:19 - United States - Columbia

Today after not talking to my dad for 3 years due to having a knife put in my face and my life threatened, I find out he has two months left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 42

By Dakotamc16 - 30/06/2016 15:09 - United States - Shadyside

Today, I told my mom I was gay and guess what? She told me to get in the car because she is taking me to be baptized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 48

By jstone89 - 30/06/2016 14:59 - United States - Petersburg

Today, a customer that had a tracheostomy tube in his stoma (hole in his throat) started coughing while I was finishing his transaction. After he left I situated myself back on my chair and my hand felt something gooey.. I looked down and there was a yellowish gooey glob on my chair.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 31

By AChocolateMilk - 30/06/2016 14:57 - United States - Williamsport

Today, I was on a walk around town with my girlfriend, and as we approached a staircase, she started to fall. I caught her before she was hurt, but now she is upset with me for "wrinkling her outfit" FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 27

By ineedacoworker - 30/06/2016 14:49 - United States - New York

Today, my boss bitched at me for not finishing my paperwork on time. A few weeks ago, I overheard him saying that I do the work of three people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 31

By Tatooed - 30/06/2016 14:40 - United States - Chouteau

Today, while I was getting a tattoo I noticed my artist kept nodding out alot. We decided to take a break and when I walked back in I noticed he was sticking himself with a needle, thinking he was diabetic I asked about it. Nope that was herione, we were in my house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 23

By phalangesenfuego - 30/06/2016 14:37 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was teaching a unit on cephalopods, and I noticed my students looking at me oddly. When asked what they were confused about, I was told I kept referring to "tentacles" as "testicles". FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 32

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The Top

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 181

You deserved it 6 858

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 272

You deserved it 11 527

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 330

You deserved it 3 775

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back, and lying about where he was was, out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 277

You deserved it 3 150

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 529

You deserved it 4 830

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 254