Nearly FML

By Themiddleman - 03/07/2016 16:32 - United States - Orlando

Today, my friend from across town told me his new dirt bike was stolen and described it to everyone. My neighbor has a new dirt bike, same description, broken brake handle and all. FML.

agreeclassic 225

vote type 1 20

By sunny day - 03/07/2016 16:30 - United States - Rocklin

Today, my dad bought me a brand new truck for my 16th birthday. Then decided to eat chicken legs in it. And left a chicken leg under my brand new seat , staining the floor, and leaving the grossest smell I've ever experienced. FML

agreeclassic 190

vote type 1 42

By coco - 03/07/2016 16:24 - United States - Rocklin

Today, my mom said that since I'm short she can't love me because I remind her of a dwarf.. FML

agreeclassic 197

vote type 1 26

By gothixchic - 03/07/2016 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, my cat decided the correct response to "I love you" is "I will bite the shit out of you". I think I need stitches. FML

agreeclassic 165

vote type 1 27

By Anon - 03/07/2016 16:06 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I learned my dog has cancer and now I'm watching him get worse day after day since they said it was to late to do anything about it. FML

agreeclassic 221

vote type 1 20

By love1430 - 03/07/2016 16:02 - United States - Fremont

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sat me down with one of his girl friends and told me that he's been sleeping with her. To make matters worse, he asked me if it was okay if he keeps seeing her and me at the same time. Boy bye! FML

agreeclassic 212

vote type 1 25

By alphahomega - 03/07/2016 16:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today is my birthday. Today is also the day my boyfriend decided to tell me he wants to move out and now I am spending my 21st birthday at home, alone, crying. FML

agreeclassic 205

vote type 1 16

By chaylea - 03/07/2016 15:48 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my parents decided to take off on a surprise one week vacation, leaving me home to take care of the two puppies they they are fostering. I have a fear of dogs and they know that. FML

agreeclassic 169

vote type 1 16

By Urinatingpandas - 03/07/2016 15:32 - United States - Martinsville

Today, I've been in a long distance relationship for two years. I visited him for the very first time just to find out he has an erectile dysfunction. FML

agreeclassic 161

vote type 1 21

By izzy64 - 03/07/2016 15:11 - United States

Today, my mother insisted that I go to church, I asked her why and she said she didn't want me wanking off at home. FML

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 19

By jaqlove - 03/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Clementon

Today, I was about to have an orgasm for the first time in 3 weeks. It was also time for my dad's early morning shit, which completely ruined it. FML

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 15

By ReallyFU - 03/07/2016 15:00 - Canada

Today, while getting it on doggy style with my boyfriend, the cat starts staring my in the eyes. The cat then proceeds rubbing herself against my face and biting my fingers. FML

agreeclassic 143

vote type 1 13

By oinkoinkoink - 03/07/2016 14:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he left his ex girlfriend who he was in love with was because she moved away, and that if I wasn't around he would be across Canada finding her.

agreeclassic 153

vote type 1 16

By cagebiter - 03/07/2016 14:08 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, my boyfriend dumped me when I refused to eat guacamole. Apparently if I really loved him my deadly allergy to avocados would've gone away. FML

agreeclassic 178

vote type 1 17

By Hemixedrussianandasian - 03/07/2016 13:54 - United States - Syracuse

I spent the night with a man who had been asking me for well over a month to hang out. Today is also the first time I've ever been woken up by a woman grabbing my ankles asking how long this has been going on. She wasn't pleased with my response of only a few seconds. Not even worth it. FML

agreeclassic 157

vote type 1 18

By DeficientOlive - 03/07/2016 13:38 - United States - Flourtown

Today, I told my dad that I didn't feel comfortable swimming because of his calling me fat, and he brushed it off. I told him later that he made it worse by doing that, and that I had at least expected him to say sorry. Instead, he threatened to punch me in the mouth for being "disrespectful." FML

agreeclassic 164

vote type 1 12

By Ih8teenageangst - 03/07/2016 11:25 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after many years my father and I decide to have a guys weekend. The very nice RV we were driving caught fire and burned to the ground along with the pickup it was pulling. We then had to call the wives to come pick us up in the middle of Alaska. I guess we cannot be trusted on our own. FML

agreeclassic 442

vote type 1 71

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 10:42 - United States - Orlando

Today, the father of my child continued to feed me constantly with very high-fat meals. He then smiled and said he hoped I would eventually be 400 lbs so that he could always have me to himself. FML

agreeclassic 381

vote type 1 47

By TheOneButNotOnly - 03/07/2016 08:42 - United States - New York

Today, I am still getting yelled at for staying up late by my mom. I'm almost 23. I live in my own place FML.

agreeclassic 383

vote type 1 41

By utterly annoyed - 03/07/2016 05:48 - Denmark

Today, I spent nearly six hours at an ER in Copenhagen only to have the doctor Google the possible cause of my medical issue and refer me to an expensive specialist. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 32

By ickysticky - 03/07/2016 03:31 - United States

Today, I tried to take a shower and was thrown out by my mother. Apparently I'm not allowed to shower on my monthly because she believes the hot water will stimulate blood flow and I'll pass out from blood loss. I can't convince her otherwise and I can't survive off wet wipe showers for a week. FML

agreeclassic 541

vote type 1 42

By The American - 03/07/2016 02:01 - Australia - Lutwyche

Today, I moved in with my fiance's family while we look for a place in the area. His 19 year old sister keeps hiding the shampoo, soap and tooth paste. We're off to a good start. FML

agreeclassic 379

vote type 1 32

By HealthFood - 03/07/2016 01:42 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I opened a fortune cookie. It informed me that I "will be struck on the road to success." Five minutes after leaving the restaurant a car ran a red light and hit me as I crossed the street. FML

agreeclassic 434

vote type 1 36

By Renee - 03/07/2016 01:29 - United States - Miami

Today, I was scrolling through my favorite hair styling blog and came across a picture of one of my own clients in another hair salon getting her color done. I colored her hair three days ago and we weren't finished with her hair and the other hair stylist was bashing my half finished work. FML.

agreeclassic 364

vote type 1 43

By Evjoel - 03/07/2016 01:14 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I got an extremely bad sunburn on my back, i got my wife to apply some aloe i picked from the garden, turns out I'm allergic, now the pain is even worse. FML.

agreeclassic 284

vote type 1 28

By Lovecandy02 - 03/07/2016 01:14 - United States - Denver

Today, while babysitting a 5 year old boy he told me he wanted to be a "special doctor". I then asked, "What kind of special doctor?" he proceeded to tell me why he wanted to be my gynecologist. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

agreeclassic 263

vote type 1 19

By SuckeredFool - 02/07/2016 23:31 - United States - Millville

Today, I broke up with my fiance. I found out she had cheated on me multiple times and was doing things that she wouldn't do with me. The worst part, she said we could still be 'friends with benefits'. FML.

agreeclassic 268

vote type 1 29

By Miss Looney - 02/07/2016 22:44 - United States

Today, My oldest sister texted me saying she desperately needed a ride to the emergency room, I got in my car and rushed to her house just to find out she has a slight cold and she just didn't feel like making her own soup. FML

agreeclassic 262

vote type 1 24

By MNWild9 - 02/07/2016 22:32 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I have been struggling with depression for 5 years and that they were a main reason for it... They responded "we're not the problem, you are". And the conversation ended with being kicked out of the house for "blaming your problems on us". FML

agreeclassic 281

vote type 1 46

By Bad Reaction - 02/07/2016 21:54 - United States - Medford

Today, I had a bad reaction to my dogs flea medication. I was so dizzy and sick that I almost went to the hospital. My dog still has fleas. FML

agreeclassic 168

vote type 1 14

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Today, after hitting hard times and needing a place to stay, I'd asked my sister for help to which she sent me a paragraph-long response about how it would break their lease if they had people live there, leading me to sleep on a friend's couch, I found out our tweaker mom started staying at my sisters and didn't leave for 6 months. FML

agreeclassic 964

vote type 1 180

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

agreeclassic 46 982

vote type 1 13 848

Today, I spent 20 minutes practicing a heartfelt apology to my girlfriend for forgetting our anniversary. When I finally delivered it, she stared at me blankly and said, “Our anniversary is next week.” Now I’ve apologised for nothing, and she knows I’ll probably forget the actual date. FML

agreeclassic 103

vote type 1 556

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

agreeclassic 14 030

vote type 1 28 332

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

agreeclassic 42 454

vote type 1 4 889

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

agreeclassic 319

vote type 1 183