Nearly FMLs

By bethanyhopkins - 30/06/2016 14:34 - United Kingdom - Marlborough

Today, like every day for the past two weeks, a guy has been waiting outside my house and knocking on my door, calling me, and refusing to leave until I threaten to call the police. The guy in question? Someone I had a one night stand with. I have no idea how he got my address or my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 20

By stargazer925 - 30/06/2016 14:13 - United States - Hampstead

Today, my brother, who I am babysitting, threatened to hit me with a screwdriver. It's one of those big ones that could really do some damage. I've locked myself in the bathroom multiple times, and he has complete control over me right now. He's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 24

By DannysCompetition - 30/06/2016 14:11 - United States

Today, I learned just how much my boyfriend loves Game of Thrones. He accidentally moaned "Daenerys" while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 25

By sastgamer - 30/06/2016 13:56 - United States - Brainerd

Today, I agree to go into work an hour early and stay and hour late. This would be fine if I didn't get a text saying my boss couldn’t pay me fully this week. So I'm getting paid $50 for 30 hours of work. This is the third week in a row where I'm not getting paid my full paycheck. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 16

By NotThatDesperate - 30/06/2016 13:51 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, while at work a 50 yr old man came in upset. I would of asked him if he was okay normally but he was upset as I rejected to go on a date with him the other day. He had been flirting with me for other a year now & even tried to give me his number. I am 22 & young enough to be his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 22

By MK - 30/06/2016 13:50 - United States - Chevy Chase

Last night I got really drunk and professed my love to the guy I've been hooking up with here and there over text. He's my boss. I have work in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 26

By salissupersupergay - 30/06/2016 13:34 - Australia

Today, I forgot about my Google search of 'vagina' to find out what it means in other languages as I opened my phone next to my dad. He was looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 25

By cavallo31 - 30/06/2016 13:29 - Satellite Provider

Today, I slept in my contacts. I went to the mirror to see if they were there and sure enough they were. One of them at least. I kept trying to take my left one out, poking myself in the eye numerous times, only to realize it had fallen out during my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 34

By ahsanmughal21 - 30/06/2016 06:40 - Pakistan

Today, My mom asked me to take her for shopping. After constant shopping of 4 hours came back home and she handed me another list which she has forgotten. The list would probably take another 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 65

By scaredtovisit - 30/06/2016 02:32 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, half a year ago I moved, my brother calls me to tell me that he has been packing my room including my wardrobe, since he is moving into it. I then remembered that my dildo is in my wardrobe, trying to be discreet I ask him if he was done, he then says yes and then said its here in a bag.FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 60

By Ya_I_said_it - 30/06/2016 02:25 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, my boyfriend text me "3 more days". Confused I text back "what?" which he replied "untill I see you" he's been gone on a business trip for 3 weeks...guess I'm not a very good girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 120

By convince store life - 30/06/2016 02:17 - United States

Today, at work a customer brought back cans and bottles for a return, in one of which I found a homemade meth pipe. Now I have to fill out a bunch of information for the police. not how I thought I'd be spending my night.

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 26

By SlowLearner - 30/06/2016 00:54 - United States - Centerport

Today, I was mugged by a group of kids on my way out of self defense class. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 28

By Carrie_Chaos - 29/06/2016 22:39 - United States - Fresno

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a movie date. His whole family decided to tag along and made us get them snacks. We missed the beginning of the movie. They didn't miss a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 33

By Leah_Watts - 29/06/2016 22:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting "down to business" my boyfriend whispered in my ear in a sultry voice "do you...? Do you want toast after this? I'm in love with a strange man FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 46

By KillerChipmunk - 29/06/2016 21:51 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my last day of vacation. The friend I drove 12 hours to see has a new girlfriend this year and they've spent the whole week being too lovey-dovey to realize they have a guest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 37

By Superbubbs - 29/06/2016 20:39 - United States - League City

Today, after waiting months to take my driver's test, I ended up driving on the wrong side of the road and failed in the first minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 19:12 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, at work I went to the bathroom to pooh, and I heard another woman in one of the stalls grunting horribly. To ease the tension I joked "Sounds bad. Having a baby?" My boss said back "I'm constipated. I could use some help." Yup; today my job depended on helping my boss take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 33

By CreeptacularBait - 29/06/2016 18:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I had to call in sick because of coughing up bloody mucus. When I called my supervisor, he told me he didn't have time to listen to me and hung up. I'm pretty sure I won't have a job tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 26

By Dark - 29/06/2016 18:04 - United States - Torrey

Today, I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me. She told me "It was because we never spend time together." When earlier she was stressing out about money, so I got 2 jobs. Was working 16 hours a day, so she wouldn't stress about money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 19

By broke - 29/06/2016 17:52 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I realized I lost all self respect because I've hated every job I've had and am now on my way to an interview at a strip club FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 39

By AnalBeads4U - 29/06/2016 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally realized which famous musician my aunt reminds me of. It's Alice Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 136

By Unloved - 29/06/2016 05:18 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my mom told me that I am pretty and she loves me. When I told her how much that meant to me she looked at me with surprise and disgust. Turns out she was talking to her cat sitting behind me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 64

By kazoozle0315 - 29/06/2016 04:17 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my two month old daughter was having trouble pooping. I gave her a warm bath to possibly help releive the pressure in her stomach. As I was drying her off she finally released her bowels all over me, the towel, and the couch.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 87

By nightlyregret - 29/06/2016 03:15 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was going to bed, so I ended up stepping in it, barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 79

By Bamboozled Again - 29/06/2016 02:57 - United States - Mio

Today, what I thought was a big-ass spider turned out to be a small pile of cat shit. Unfortunately, I found this out AFTER smashing it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 64

By lowbattery - 29/06/2016 02:12 - United States - Fort White

Today, I arrived in the US for my holiday, and found out I left my phone charger at home, this wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a phone with a very odd charging port, that only my specialized charger fits, no store sells the charger, I have go for a week with 73% battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 79

By that one guy - 29/06/2016 01:44 - United States

Today, I went skinny dipping with my girlfriend in my pool. We decided to fool around for a bit since no one was around. My brother decided to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 83

By AaAaAlexa - 29/06/2016 00:44

Today, after not being able to work for three weeks because I wasn't issued a employee number, I get told on my third day of the job I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 30

By Down19 - 28/06/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating to porn in the bath, I was in my underwear and he went soft when I walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 49

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a student told me to fuck off. I work with 3 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 192

Today, I was walking my dog when another dog barked at him. My dog ran, pulling me with him. I fell to the ground in pain, with my hand still holding the leash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 317

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 143

You deserved it 2 425

Today, I finally found our big casserole in the attic. Once the food was all nicely layered into it, I realized why it had been in the attic. It doesn't actually fit into our standard-sized oven. By a few millimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 287

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 432

You deserved it 4 410

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 536

You deserved it 6 578